Bad Things (Tristan & Danika #1)(38)

“He’s always looked out for you,” I guessed.

“He can’t seem to help himself.”

“That’s what big brothers are for,” I explained.

Jared studied me. “You say that like you can relate. Are you a big sister?”

A familiar pain pinched at my chest. That pain never seemed to lessen. Time hadn’t done a thing to numb it, which was why I supposed I did my best never to think about my little sister.

I swallowed hard, his prying not making me want to lash out, as it would have with Tristan. I felt no compunctions about lashing out at Tristan, but somehow I did with Jared. It felt like Jared and I were on equal footing, but somehow, even at his sweetest and most amiable, I always felt that Tristan had the upper hand, and in a way, that made it hard for me to open up to him.

I kept my eyes on Tristan where he was helping his mother in the other room, and my voice very impersonal. “I am. I have a younger sister, but I’m not like Tristan. I tried my best, but I was a shitty big sister.”

I didn’t look at him, but Jared sounded very sympathetic as he asked, “What happened?”

I shook my head, surprised that I actually answered the question. “Too much to go back from. She loathes me, and I don’t blame her. We haven’t spoken in years.”

“Where does she live?”

“I couldn’t say. She asked me never to contact her again, and I’ve respected that request.” I didn’t have words to express how hard that had been for me, to be utterly rejected by the only person in the world I’d considered real family. I’d loved her so much, but it hadn’t been enough to keep me from failing her.

“How long ago was that?”

“Four years ago.”

“Damn. How old are you?”

“Twenty-one.”

“Me too,” he said. I’d known his age, courtesy of Tristan, but Jared sounded surprised about mine. “So all of this went down when you were seventeen? How old was she?”

I swallowed, surprised that, of all of his probing questions, that one was the sorest wound. “Just fifteen. Just a baby.”

“Don’t you think enough time has passed for things to blow over? I’ll bet she’s not even mad anymore. You should try to find her.”

I shook my head, not even considering the notion. Dahlia’s rejection hadn’t been about anger. It had been about betrayal, disgust, and contempt, and I didn’t blame her for any of it. “It’s not as simple as that.” My voice was quiet, my tone final.

His hand clasping my own startled me enough to make me start violently, but I didn’t push it away. I didn’t look at him, because there was nothing on earth I wanted less than sympathy, and seeing it directed at me always inspired unpredictable results, but still, I let his hand comfort me for just a moment.

“I think you’re too hard on yourself, Danika.”

I’d heard that line before. Exhaustively, from Lucy, and Bev, and even a few times, Jerry. Everyone was always telling me that I was too hard on myself, apparently even people that I barely knew these days, thought so. If they were all right about that, I still didn’t know what to do about it. I’d made some healthy changes for myself over the years, which had been largely instigated by the persistent Lucy, but I couldn’t begin to know how to change something so fundamental to my nature. The fact was, I expected a lot from myself, and I was often disappointed.

Tristan turned, getting a good look at his brother and I, sitting close and clutching hands. Of course he’d look just then, I thought wryly. I saw his jaw tighten, and knew he wasn’t happy with what he saw.

Still, I was surprised when he strode right to us, his eyes boring straight into Jared.

“A word,” he said through his teeth, then turned on his heel, striding out the back door.

Jared sighed heavily. “Well, f**k,” he muttered.

He squeezed my hand lightly before standing and following his brother.

I could imagine what was going on back there. Tristan would be reaming his brother out for what he’d have taken as a direct come-on. And certainly his brother was capable of that. They both were. But I didn’t think that had been what Jared was about. He was a genuinely nice guy, and I really thought he had just been offering comfort after asking a few too many awkward questions.

I’d told Jared that I would consider going out with him, when I was ready to date again, but I had to wonder if that was even an option. I knew, just knew, that if I dated Jared, it would drive Tristan insane, no matter that he and I had firmly committed to just being friends. What a mess, I thought.

Leticia came to sit beside me. Her eyes were on the back door, her brow furrowed. I marveled again at how lovely she was as she turned her dark eyes on me.

“You aren’t going to make my boys fight over you, are you?” she asked softly, glancing at the back door. It was sliding glass, but the brothers had moved out of sight right after they’d closed the door.

Her words struck me as a little hostile, but she didn’t seem hostile, just concerned.

“I’m not.” My words were soft, and even to my own ears they lacked any conviction. That made me defensive. “Tristan and I are strictly friends.”

She shot me a sardonic look. She’d been sweet as sugar to me so far, but I saw the spicier side to her personality in that one look.