Back on Blossom Street (Blossom Street #4)(38)

Alix frowned, a little confused by the inconsistency of Colette’s reactions. “Is he the reason you left?”

Colette hesitated. “In a manner of speaking, yes, but it’s…more complicated than that.”

Alix wanted to say that life was complicated. She merely nodded, murmuring, “I understand,” although she didn’t really.

“I’ll go out with him because there’s something we should discuss…I’m just not sure I have the courage to do it.”

“Would you like to discuss it with someone else beforehand?” she asked. If Colette needed a willing ear, Alix was happy to provide it.

Colette considered her offer for a long time before she replied. “I appreciate it, but no…” Her expression was sad, regretful, as if she badly needed a confidante but didn’t feel ready to trust anyone just yet.

“So you haven’t really dated since Derek died.” Alix didn’t know what else to say.

Colette shook her head. “I ran into a friend of his recently. He phoned a couple of times this past week and we’ve talked about getting together. Between his schedule and mine, it’s difficult, though.”

“By the way, I want to tell you again how sorry I am about your husband.” Alix was afraid she might’ve been somewhat insensitive during their conversation last Wednesday, the way she’d been going on about how she couldn’t bear the thought of losing Jordan when this woman’s husband had died. “It’s so tragic, and—”

“Don’t say that!” Colette’s mouth thinned and she bit her lower lip as if struggling not to cry.

Alix was completely confused now. “Why not? It’s what people say when there’s a death in the family.”

“I know….” She grabbed her purse and scrabbled for a tissue, eventually finding one and dabbing her eyes with it. “It’s hard to explain.”

Alix remained silent.

“I…I don’t know why I’m telling you this,” Colette said, digging into her purse for a fresh tissue.

“Listen, it’s all right,” Alix said. “Whatever you tell me goes no further. One thing I can do is keep my trap shut. That’s a lesson I learned years ago.”

“Okay.” Colette gave her a watery smile. “I loved my husband and he was a good man. We were having fertility problems, and those problems affected our marriage. I wanted to see a specialist and Derek didn’t. He said he wanted children, but if it didn’t happen naturally, he was fine with letting it go. I wasn’t.” She paused and blew her nose. “The morning Derek fell from the roof, we’d had a huge argument. He should never have gotten on that roof. He probably wouldn’t have if we hadn’t been fighting.”

“So now you feel responsible for what happened.” Guilt manifested itself in so many different ways. Alix had dealt with it often enough to know the tricks it could play.

“I do and I don’t. I begged him to call a roofing company. Derek wouldn’t hear of it. I hoped that if he cooled off and thought everything over, he’d see my point about fertility treatments, so I didn’t try very hard to stop him from doing the repair work himself.” She shrugged in a dispirited way. “He had all these new tools he really wanted to use, too. Some of them were Christmas gifts from me….”

“You couldn’t have known what would happen,” Alix said in a reasonable tone.

Colette nodded. “That’s true. But we had this…this issue between us. I wanted a family and Derek said he did, yet he wasn’t willing to take the next step to make children a possibility. I’m over thirty and I didn’t want to put it off any longer.”

“That’s understandable.”

Colette nodded again. “What I told everyone at our last knitting class is a lie.”

Alix tried to remember what Colette had said and couldn’t recall.

“My marriage wasn’t good anymore, even though I said it was. In fact, I was miserable and I suspect Derek was, too.”

“I’m sure you would’ve worked things out,” Alix said and reached for her sandwich, taking the first bite.

“I think we would have, too. Like I said, I loved my husband and I grieved for him when he died. I’m still grieving. But Derek’s gone and he isn’t ever coming back. Life goes on and I have to go on, too.”

“Yes, you do,” Alix said firmly. She took another bite of her lunch.

“It’s just the one date,” Colette said aloud, as if she needed to reassure herself. She’d obviously returned to the subject of her former boss.

“Do you really feel you need to go through with this?” Alix asked. Something had happened there, but Colette had dropped such obscure hints that Alix couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. Probably an office romance gone wrong.

Colette nodded. “I’ll have dinner with him, and then it’ll be over, once and for all.”

“I say almost the same thing about the wedding,” Alix told her half-humorously. “It’s just the one day and once it’s over, Jordan and I can go on with our lives. My reward is that I’ll have a husband I love who loves me. If I have to stand up in front of a bunch of people I don’t know, if I have to pretend to be someone I’m not, then I can do that for one day.” Alix had said these words to herself so many times, it sounded as if she was repeating a pledge.