Awake at Dawn (Shadow Falls #2)(79)

"To hurt me," he finished her sentence. "I believe you. I know you didn't do this to hurt me. You aren't cruel or mean. You don't have a devious bone in your body. You're just ... confused."

She stood and walked over to him and tried to take his hand in hers, but he pulled away. His withdrawal hurt. Meeting his eyes, she tried to find a way to explain it. "You're right. I'm confused about a lot of stuff.

But I'm not confused about what I feel about you. I care about you. A lot.

When I'm with you, I feel safe and when you kiss me I feel everything. Everything looks so beautiful and ... and I don't even care if you're doing it anymore. I just want that feeling, okay? I want to go out with you."

"If you'd really wanted that, you'd have said something earlier."

"I did want to, I was ... just confused. Like you said."

"Because of Lucas?"

"No." She offered him the answer she'd offered herself. "Because I'm still trying to figure out what I am."

"But I told you that what you are isn't important."

"It is to me," she said. But deep down, deeper than she wanted to look, she knew what he said was true. Not knowing what she was, was only part of the reason she hadn't agreed to go out with him earlier. The other part was Lucas.

But that didn't change how she felt about Derek, she insisted to herself.

It was just like Holiday's aunt Stella. She might feel an attraction for Lucas, but she wouldn't act on it. She tried again to take his hand, but he wouldn't let her.

"You have to decide, Kylie, because I can't stand living in this limbo. I have too much limbo in my life with my father and I just can't deal with it anymore."

"I've already decided," she said. "It's you. I was going to tell you yesterday and then ... everything happened."

He stepped closer and her heart sighed with relief. She leaned in for a kiss. She wanted him to kiss her so badly; she wanted to make him see how much she cared about him.

He touched her cheek. "Until you're sure about what you feel about him, then you can't trust how you feel about me."

"That's not true." She tried to kiss him, but he put a finger over her lips, stopping her.

"No. No more. Until you've made up your mind, we're just friends. Just friends." Pain and hurt echoed in his voice and took a flying leap, landing right in her heart.

She didn't want to just be his friend. She wanted more. "Please don't do this, Derek. I never meant-"

He put his finger over her lips again. "I know you didn't mean to hurt me, Kylie. But it does hurt. I feel ... everything. That's what makes this so hard." He took a step back. "I'd better go."

Pain welled up inside her. Tears filled her eyes. She was going to lose him. She knew it as well as she knew her own name.

He got to her bedroom door and turned back. "As your friend, I'm telling you this. Fredericka is back. She wants to hurt you. And I don't think she'll stop with just telling me about the letters. Be careful. Especially until after tonight. Weres are hyper-aggressive before they turn."

Kylie felt her own aggression boil up inside her and she swiped at the tears sliding down her face. Until he mentioned it, she hadn't stopped to guess how he knew about the letters Lucas had sent her. And now that she knew, she didn't like it one iota. Fredericka had told Derek about the letters.

And in doing so, she hadn't just hurt Kylie, she'd also hurt Derek. Kylie closed her hand into a fist. "Don't worry," she said. "I'm not as helpless as I used to be."

"Helpless, no," he said. "But she's got meanness on you hands down. You don't want to tangle with her."

An hour later, heart still breaking, Kylie checked her e-mail and found her mother had finally sent her the scan of Daniel's obituary. Maybe her emotions were already primed and ready to go because of her already sucky day, but when she read about her father's death, Kylie dropped her head on the desk and wept. She wept for Derek and she wept for Daniel.

She recalled the dream/vision she'd had about his death. He'd been leaving a war-torn village and had returned to save a woman from some insurgents. He had not only given his life for his country, he had given it to save a stranger.

"I love you, Daniel." She wished he would drop in for a visit.

She noted his parents' names and that they lived in some place called Gladlock, Texas. A search on the Internet showed it was a small city about seventy-five miles outside of Dallas. With her heart still hurting, she did a search for a phone number for Kent B. Brighten. The computer hadn't completed the search when the door to the cabin swung open. Kylie glanced up, expecting to see Miranda or Della. But nope. Fredericka

had come a'calling. And she'd bypassed the proper etiquette of knocking before entering, too.

Chapter Twenty-five

"Well, if it isn't the ghost girl." Fredericka's smartass tone hit Kylie the wrong way.

"She's got meanness on you hands down. You don't want to tangle with her." Derek's words rang in Kylie's head.

Okay, so Derek was right. She didn't want to tangle with Fredericka, but Kylie wasn't sure she had an option now considering the werewolf stood less than six feet away. Kylie had no way out. Too late to run and hide under the bed.