Awake at Dawn (Shadow Falls #2)(67)

"Only if that's what she wants," Derek said, sounding defensive and older.

Kylie rested her hand on Derek's arm. "It's okay."

Derek stood from the bed, but he didn't stop glaring at her dad for one minute. To her dad's credit, he just stood there and took Derek's angry stare as if he knew he deserved it. Della actually growled, and Miranda twitched her little finger at him. Kylie hoped she remembered to give each of them a big hug later. "Come on, guys," Holiday said, and motioned for them to leave. They all stepped out of the room. Then Holiday reached in, her concerned gaze meeting Kylie's eyes right before she closed the door.

Kylie pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her shins. Her heart must have dropped to her stomach because she could feel it pound in the pit of her gut. She stared at the top of her jeanscovered knees and not at him, because looking at him hurt too much.

Besides, if she looked at him, she might start crying again, and she didn't want to do that.

He sat down beside her on the twin bed. From the corner of her eye, she saw him fold his hands together in his lap. She heard him breathe. She heard herself breathe, too.

She closed her eyes.

Sooner or later, one of them had to talk. But for once Kylie decided not to be the bigger person here. Let him do all the work.

"I screwed up," he finally said. "I never dreamed I could screw up so badly."

Opening her eyes, she forced herself to look at him. The first thing she noticed was that he looked like her dad again. He wasn't wearing those tight jeans. His hair was combed like it should be and not spiked. He still had the highlights in his hair, but alone, they weren't so bad. "I don't blame you for being furious at me, but I do love you, Pumpkin."

He rested his hand on her knee and his touch sent tiny pinpricks of pain rushing to her heart. Tears filled her eyes.

She blinked, but didn't trust her voice to say anything just yet. And even if she did trust it, she wasn't sure what to say.

"I never wanted to hurt you," he continued. "I never dreamed that you'd be in town that day." He shook his head, closed his eyes, and when he opened them back up, she saw something she'd never seen before.

Her dad was crying. Real live tears, too. The ache in her chest doubled. "I don't know what got into me, Kylie. I lost my head. I turned forty and then your grandmother got sick and she died." He inhaled. "All I could think about was getting old. Then Amy-the girl at the office- she started flirting and it made me forget everything for a little while." His breath caught. "It made me forget that the most important people in the world to me are you and your mom."

Kylie knew it was her turn to talk, but she still didn't know what to say. She couldn't say she forgave him, because she didn't. Then a thought struck.

"Did your girlfriend break up with you?" Was that the only reason he was here now?

"Yeah." He looked embarrassed. Kylie was surprised he hadn't tried to deny it. "But that's not why ... I'd already realized how badly I'd screwed up before we broke up."

She remembered her mom telling her how her dad had deserved someone to love him as much he had loved her all those years. That's when Kylie felt a small part of herself give in. She couldn't stay mad at him forever. She just couldn't. Maybe she was ready to forgive.

He reached over and ran his hand over her head, the way he'd done all her life. "I love you, Kylie. You're my daughter."

No, I'm not. She remembered that he'd made her mother promise not to tell her about her real father and her anger returned.

She batted at her cheeks to remove her tears. Then she offered him the only thing she could. "I'm hurt and I'm really mad at you right now. As soon as it stops hurting so much, I might be able to forgive you. But not now."

He nodded. She watched a tear slip from his lashes. He wiped it away. Then he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on her forehead. "I love you, Pumpkin. Just remember that."

As Kylie watched him get up to leave, she realized that just because you couldn't forgive someone didn't mean you stopped loving them.

She bounced off her bed and wrapped her arms around her daddy. He hugged her back. He hugged her so tight. And it felt so good, she wept on his shoulder. Big tears. Dinosaur tears he'd called them when she was young.

She knew that in just a second she was going to have to let go, and that she still wouldn't tell him he was forgiven, because he wasn't. But for just a few seconds she wanted to feel that her daddy loved her. And while she wasn't up to saying it yet, she hoped he understood she still loved him, too.

A few minutes after her dad left, Kylie was still stretched out on her bed when Holiday knocked on her door.

"You okay?" Holiday poked her head in the door.

"I'm working on it." Kylie had stopped crying. Something about her daddy's hug had eased some of the ache.

"You mind company, or would you like to be alone?"

"Company would be nice." She tried to see around Holiday. "Is everyone still out there?"

Holiday stepped into the room. "Just me. I made them go back and visit with their parents for a while."

"Good," Kylie said, and then recalled the scene she'd caused in the dining room. "I'm sorry about everything. I just lost it."