Avoiding Responsibility (Avoiding #2)(59)
He had proposed to a woman with a fake of her wedding ring and only because she had found the ring in the first place. But maybe that was even a lie. Maybe she hadn't even seen the ring. Maybe he had wanted to do it all along. Maybe he had just wanted to hurt her.
No.
She shook her head. Jack was many things, but he wasn't a liar at least not outright. Not to her. They had been through too much where he could have lied to her and he had chosen against that option. He had decided to be honest with her even to his detriment. Thus, there was no reason in this situation to lie to her about Bekah.
Yet here he was one week before the big day and he was chickening out. Sure Ramsey had talked him down somehow convincing him that it was just customary jitters, but how long would that last? Jack was pretty well known for rash decisions. But would he do anything that drastic a week before his wedding?
She couldn't even process all of this. He had claimed to love her once, but had walked out of the door when things changed. So obviously he was capable of leaving Bekah at the alter, but she wasn't sure if he would do it. He had been with Bekah for a year and a half before proposing. Then he had managed to stick it out for an entire year engagement with the witch. Why turn back now?
A smirk crossed her lips. He was terrified of commitment. The idea of being tied down to one woman for the rest of his life had always made him do crazy things. When his parents had divorced, he had been devastated and hadn't been the same since. Though he had always been in relatively long-term relationships, he had never been faithful to a single person in his life. Danielle. Kate. Lexi. Bekah. Bekah was just one person in a line of deception and infidelity. In fact, she was nothing special when taken from an aggregate perspective.
He had still slept with Lexi the day he had proposed. The fact that he managed to stay with any one person for a substantial length of time had more to do with the fact that he never got caught rather than his utter devotion to being committed. In fact, Lexi wasn't sure he even knew what the term meant. How could he be committed to anyone when he had always had someone on the backburner?
Now that Lexi was out of that position, she wasn't sure what would happen next. She wasn't sure if after he had gotten a taste of what an affair was like again he had reverted back to his old ways. She wasn't even positive that she was the first person he had cheated on Bekah with. He might have been diddling his secretary or the receptionist for his apartment building for all she knew.
Regardless, what she did know is that Jack was having second thoughts about Bekah. A part of her was jumping up and down with that news and not for a reason she expected. She wasn't happy for herself. Sure, she loved Jack. She would always love Jack. He had been everything to her for so long that she was sure she would never be able to fully let him go. The sight of him just made her weak. But she was feeling more euphoric at the possibility that Bekah might be hurt.
It was a terrible thought. A terrible, horrible thought to wish pain on another, but she couldn't keep it back. Bekah was one of the most destructive individuals she had ever had the misfortune to meet. She had used Lexi, Jack, and Ramsey all for her little game. She had attempted to ruin Lexi's life on numerous occasions, and really she wouldn't mind if the bitch had a bit of heartache. She was probably long overdue anyway. The only way people ended up this terrible was never being caught or having any consequences to their actions previously. Bekah must have been doing these sorts of things her entire life. As the baby of an incredibly wealthy family it only made sense that she was spoiled. What little discipline likely resulted from that lifestyle must have been snuffed out of her when she didn't have to work for anything in her life from her private school education paid for by daddy to the high end job in Bridges that she was given right after graduation.
Not that it was an excuse that her parents had created a monster. Ramsey, after all, was relatively normal. He had bucked the parental guidance though. If he had stayed the course as Bekah had, Lexi was afraid how he would have turned out. Would he be just another robot?
Which brought her back to Ramsey, as usual. Though things were complicated with Ramsey in ways that she didn't even like to think about, she still had very strong feelings for him. And when he said not to think too much into Jack's cold feet, she knew he meant something completely different. He meant don't think about Jack. Don't even consider Jack. Get Jack out of your mind once and for all. And most of all think about him. Think about what their future could be together and where that could lead them. Think about all the things he had given her that Jack had never even considered as an option…that she had never even considered as an option.
Knowing all that should have made it easier to not concern herself with Jack's cold feet, but she would have been more secure knowing Jack's feet were perfectly warm and content. That way she wouldn't have allowed herself to be even more muddled than she already was with everything going on between her and Ramsey.
It wasn't like she had just been Jack's other woman he had always been the other person for her too. So it was much harder knowing that he was having second thoughts at the same time she was. They were too compelled to each other for that not to matter. But compulsion be damned, Lexi did not want a repeat of history. She had specifically avoided him for an entire year despite dating his fiancé's brother, and a little bit of apprehension on his part was not going to make her change her mind.
With all of that running through her mind, she brushed a lock of hair behind her ear and smiled back up at Ramsey. "Don't worry. It's not as if they are going to call off the wedding," she told him attempting to reassure him while at the same time, herself.