Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(54)

"But you don't. Can't you see that? If you did, we would have had sex two years ago," he vehemently told her.

She let out the breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. He was right. She might lose control, but she had the capability to gain it back. Something inside her told her that she didn't really want to regain the power he had over her, and that was why he had so often enraptured her every thought.

He scooted closer to her in the sand, and grasped her hands in his own. "Because I've wanted to be with you every day since then."

Words were lost on her. She'd wanted him too, but things were different. She was with Clark now. Spencer had been a short lived thing, but Clark…he was solid. He had everything she had ever wanted in a relationship. He was caring, attentive, understanding, loving…the list was endless.

The only thing he wasn't…was Jack.

Jack with all of his fiery passion and hopeless desire. Jack who had secured her a position on the gymnastics team even though she hadn't spoken to him. Jack who had always wanted her…since they had first met.

"Lex, I know how you feel about me. I feel that way too. Just…just let me show you what I can be to you," he said playing with her fingers embedded in the sand.

She sighed and gazed into his crystal clear blue eyes. He wanted her. He'd always wanted her. "What does that mean?"

"We'll just do whatever feels natural."

"You're talking about having an affair," she spoke softly.

"No. It can be completely platonic," he said taking her hand and interlacing it with his own, "if that's what you want."

What he was allowing her was a way in. A way to be with him…without being with him. The dream sounded amazing. It wasn't everything she wanted, but she couldn't deny it did have its perks. She could be with him again. She could talk to him and be friends with him. They could be around each other without the automatic hot and cold that came from their forced separation.

"Okay Jack," she breathed. "I'm giving you a chance."

"I'll show you everything I can be for you," he said hesitantly leaning forward and in a companionable manner kissed her cheek.

Her breath caught despite the friendly nature of the kiss. Instantly, she wondered if this was such a good idea. Pushing the thought away, she scooted closer to Jack and together they sat and watched the ebb and flow before them.

* * *

K.A. Linde

Personal Space

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you

Hate the thought of her being with someone else

But you know that it's over

You know that it was through

Let it burn. Let it burn. Gotta let it burn

I'm twisted cause one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on

On the other side I wanna break down and cry

-Usher "Burn"

* * *

Chapter 9: Present

Huffing louder than was necessary, Lexi glanced around Bekah's guest bedroom in disdain. She had been directed in here to change for Ramsey's party, but she was currently having second thoughts about whether or not that was smart of her. She was going to this party because of Jack. Strike one. She wanted to prove that Bekah was a phony. Strike two. And possibly humiliate her brother miserably. Strike three.

Wow. She was in a low place.

She tried to clear her mind of her dark thoughts and really assess the room with an unbiased eye. This room was painted a light blue. The wicker collection had all white bedding, and a slight accent of navy blue curtains hung across the window. Lexi conceded that it was homey at least. Though the bed could easy be replaced by a wicker crib, and have the same effect. This couldn't have been an accident. She cringed at the thought of having children. Obviously, Bekah didn't.

Lexi laughed at the thought. Of course the psycho marrying-type wouldn't have an issue with having children…with thinking about having children with Jack. Her laughter instantly turned bitter, and she returned to her darker mood. She couldn't be unbiased about Bekah. She had made up her mind that she would never like her…anything about her. Not that the girl was helping out anything by being hot and cold and having a pastel Easter egg colored house.

She popped open her suitcase and rummaged around for something to wear to this damn party. Why had she agreed to go through with this? She was such an idiot. If Chyna could see her now. She just shook her head at how humiliating that conversation would be. Not caring much how she looked, Lexi pulled on a dark pair of jeans, and unable to resist herself, she put on her favorite ocean blue-green lace halter top.

"Alright. Let's get this over with," she said walking into the living room and finding it empty. She glanced around wondering where they went. Then she heard a giggle slice through the silence. Too curious for her own good, Lexi traipsed back down the hallway to the source of the noise.

Lexi stopped suddenly when she heard a loud moan coming from the other door on the hallway. She froze unable to pull away as she heard Jack and Bekah talking.

"Jack, come on stop. She's right down the hall," Bekah breathed.

"I don't want to stop."

Lexi could hear some more whispers and a few smacking noises that she recognized as kissing. She gulped heavily wishing she had just stayed in the room so that she didn't have to listen to any of this.