Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(127)

"Why don't we just talk here?" she gesturing for him to take a seat on the cold stone step.

His eyebrows furrowed together. "If you'd prefer that. You look freezing," he commented reaching forward to warm her arms.

She scurried back a step not allowing herself to get in contact with him. That could be bad. She had never had this issue with anyone other than Jack, but then again she had never been in a relationship with Jack…or whatever it was. She breathed out a heavy sigh in an attempt to calm herself.

There was no need to be like this around Clark. They had their chance, and she had blown it. There was no way they could ever be together again. She didn't want that. She had what she wanted already. With that comforting thought, she took the seat next to him, shoulder to shoulder. He didn't make a move to warm her again, but just allowed her slight shoulder to gently brush against his own.

"Can I repeat my earlier question?" she asked coyly glancing up at him through her black lashes. "What are you doing here?"

His strong hands fiddled with the white button on his blue plaid long-sleeve collared shirt. His arms rested on the dark designer-cut jeans where they faded at the knee. Seemingly realizing that she was observing him, he dropped his habitual buttoning and unbuttoning and met her gaze. "I'm here on vacation…" he paused.

Lexi could tell that there was more to what he wanted to say, but she wasn't sure what it was. He seemed somehow reserved about what he wanted to tell her. She had been with him long enough to know when he was holding something back. She honestly didn't want to push him though. He could tell her whatever part he wanted to tell her. She hoped she could keep herself from prying. Since she would rather die then have him pry and find out about Jack. With his intuition, she knew it would only take a couple questions to come up with that answer.

"How did you know where to find me?"

"I called your mom before I left to ask her where you were located on the NYU campus," he admitted cringing at his own snooping abilities.

"She didn't tell me that," Lexi muttered angrily.

"I asked her not to tell you, because I didn't know if I would come visit you," he responded quickly. A curly lock fell into his eyes and he reached up and brushed it away. Strong memories of doing just that overwhelmed her. She reached up and swept her own hair behind her ears several times to try and still her thoughts. He smiled at the familiar movement. "Well at least you haven't changed much."

Lexi couldn't admit how true that sentiment was.

"Uh…so you didn't think you'd come see me?" she asked trying to keep him on track.

"We just ended…so abrupt…so wrong," he responded sounding wounded. "And I know part of that was my fault."

Lexi felt like she had just swallowed a bag of cotton balls her mouth had gone so dry. She didn't want to talk about their break up. Yes, they had broken up, but that had been quite some time ago. Why did he want to talk about that now? "Yes and everything else was my fault," she murmured broken and dejected.

"Lexi," his voice silky, "the way I treated you was completely uncalled for, and I don't know if there is any semblance of a friendship…of more," he whispered. "But if there is, then I want to find it."

"Why are you saying this to me?" she cried angrily springing from her seat. "I don't need to hear this from you Clark."

"Lexi, sweetie, I'm trying to apologize," he said rising alongside her.

"And I appreciate that, but we can't do…this," she said, the thought sickening her. "How could you even want that after everything that we've been through?"

"You were always what I wanted. Don't you see that? I was going to give you a second chance after you cheated on me for nearly a year with one of my best friends. Can't you see that you were what I wanted? Then you just threw that in my face."

"You made me hurt him," she whispered.

"He deserved to be hurt, and Kate stayed with him anyway. I hear they're still together," he told her in an effort just to piss her off. He took a step towards her.

She didn't take the bait. Her brain told her that if she announced her secret just then this would quickly turn into an all out shouting match. She didn't need that. "You'll never get over it," she cried angrily pushing him backwards out of her face. "It's been a year Clark, and you're still not over it."

"God damnit, Lexi! I hadn't even thought about this in such a long time, and now here we are arguing about it again."

"That's because you won't let this go. You come to see me on your vacation, or so you say, and then bring this shit up?" she cried.

"Look I am here on my vacation, but I didn't come here to fight with you. I just came to try and make amends. Obviously we're amazing at this," he stated sarcastically. "So can we try and start over even just as friends?" he asked her.

"I'm not sure how well that would work," a voice called from the stairs below them.

Lexi stomach turned as the familiar voice hit her ears. She turned slowly and found Jack walking up the stairs towards them. She knew that he had been on his way over, and had hoped to get Clark out of her before he arrived. Somehow they had got to arguing and that just hadn't happened.