At Peace (The 'Burg #2)(140)

“What if I can’t help him find his joy, what if I fail?” I whispered.

“Girl, you keep givin’ up. The only way sure to fail is to give up,” Jackie whispered back.

“He wants a baby with me,” I told Jackie and I heard some indrawn breaths at this piece of news (the only one) I had not shared.

“Give him one,” Jackie returned as if it was simple as that (and, I had to admit, thinking about it made my belly flutter again).

But even so, I suggested, “Maybe he just wants me to have a baby.”

“Oh crap, now she’s makin’ shit up,” Jessie muttered.

“Babe, your shit’s already confusin’ enough, you don’t need to make stuff up to make it more confusin’,” Cheryl advised.

“This is true,” Mimi said, “if Cal wanted a kid, he’d have about six dozen of them all over town.”

“Unh-hunh,” Jessie agreed on a nod.

“I’m not sure that’s helpin’,” Feb noted, watching me closely and she was right.

“Am I gonna be running into Joe’s lovers everywhere I go?” I asked.

“Yep,” Jessie answered and Mimi giggled.

“Great,” I muttered.

“Happened to me with Colt,” Feb told me. “Not everywhere I go but a few of his conquests come into the bar. I even spent time around him and Melanie when they were married.” She leaned into me. “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”

“I’m guessin’ she’s learned that,” Cheryl mumbled.

“We all have,” Jackie stated.

“I’m scared,” I blurted.

“Of course you are,” Feb said, folded her legs and leaned into me. “Remember you told me when you were worried about gettin’ Keira that dog,” she nodded to Mooch in her Mom’s lap, “how you had a dog and lost her and didn’t want to put Keira through that?”

“Yeah,” I answered.

“You’re doin’ it again, babe,” Feb told me, “protectin’ yourself against hurt. You lost Tim and Cal hasn’t made this easy on you, now you’re gun-shy. But, honey, he’s out buyin’ a dog bed. Ask yourself, he’s doin’ that, why are you so scared?”

“It hurt when he turned,” I whispered.

“He’ll hurt you again, men f**k up all the time. Tim golden the whole way through?” Feb asked.

“No,” I answered honestly.

“You fight?”

“Of course.”

“He piss you off?”

“Yeah.”

“He hurt you by doin’ stupid shit?”

“Not often but, yeah.”

“Cal’s a man, Violet. He’s gonna f**k up. You are too. Honey, you know how that is, you lived with it with Tim. You also know, what you had with Tim, it’s worth it and you gotta take the risk.”

“Why?” I asked.

“You don’t, what’re you teachin’ your daughters?” Cheryl, in an about face, joined our conversation. “To be scared, to wrap themselves in cotton, or to face life and fight for somethin’ good?”

“I thought you didn’t like Joe,” I said to her.

She threw up her hand. “I forgot about the dog bed.”

Jessie snorted but Dee and Mimi laughed straight out.

I reached out, put my hands to baby Jack and asked my question to Feb with my eyes. She answered by turning Jack to me, I took him and cuddled him close. He grabbed onto my blouse and hair and his face went to my neck, his wet, soft baby lips hitting me there, his tongue working at the chain of a necklace I was wearing.

“Like his Dad,” Feb mumbled, watching Jack, “he loves necklaces.”

“Colt loves necklaces?” Mimi asked.

“This I gotta hear,” Jessie leaned forward.

“Shit,” Feb whispered.

“Are we done with Vi’s thing?” Dee asked.

“I don’t know, Vi, are we?” Jackie looked at me.

I bent my head and kissed Jack’s shoulder.

We were done.

I knew. I knew even before they asked me. Joe was right. I knew when I crawled into my bed with him after the girls. Hell, I knew the first time he kissed me.

And now I knew because he was buying a dog bed for the dog he bought for my daughter.

And coming home with beer.

Then I whispered against little Jack, “Yeah.”

“Good, so, what’s this about Colt and your necklaces?” Jessie demanded to know and I looked at her.

But Mimi spoke to me. “Feb doesn’t kiss and tell, it sucks.”

“I know. I told her about Jimbo and –” Jessie started.

“Don’t repeat it!” Feb cried suddenly, hand up.

“What? It isn’t weird,” Jessie defended.

“Yes, Jessie, it is,” Feb returned.

“It’s just suckin’ my toes. Does Cal suck your toes?” Jessie asked me.

I tried not to let my lip curl as I answered, “Um… no.”

“Feels good,” Jessie mumbled.

“Gross,” Mimi was mumbling too.

“Do you have any beer?” Cheryl asked, standing up.