Asa (Marked Men #6)(71)

“You look like shit. She looks like shit. Neither one of you seems to be on board with this breakup, so why don’t you do something about it, lover boy?”

I sighed and finally looked away from that penetrating green gaze. I gazed down at the bar and lifted a hand to rub absently at the back of my neck. The knots of tension that were coiled there felt like balls of steel and iron under my skin.

“Nothing can be done about it, cop. If there was a better answer than that, I would give it … to her, not to you.”

He grunted at me and slammed back the rest of his drink. “You broke her f*cking heart, which already makes you a piece of shit, but what really makes you a f*ck wad is that you broke it after putting it back together for her. Why bother fixing her if you were just going to tear her back to pieces?”

That made my chest contract and my hands clench involuntarily. She was already all together when I got my hands on her. Her pieces were just a little jumbled up and out of order because she cared so much about her partner and seeing him get hurt knocked her a little loose. All I did was straighten those pieces out and tighten her back up. If anyone had put the work in to fix anyone, it was the other way around. I didn’t realize how broken I had been until she started tinkering around in all the darkness and shining her light on it. Without Royal, there was no way I would’ve been able to know that even though I had hurt her like this, it was for the best.

“If there was any other way to do this, I would’ve found it. Believe me or don’t, but I walked away for her, not because of her.”

Dom grunted again and hobbled back onto his crutches. “You better have one hell of a good reason for doing this to her.”

Oh, I had a really f*cking good reason, but I wasn’t going to share it with anyone and run the risk of ripping Royal’s small family apart. Sometimes the sins of the parents did not have to be suffered by their children.

“I hope you figure your shit out, lover boy. Royal deserves someone that can stand by her and appreciates her for all the amazing things she brings to the table. I don’t know how on earth that person managed to be an ex-con with a twang, but stranger things have happened.”

I ran my hands over my face as my heart throbbed painfully in my chest. There was no figuring my shit out, and that’s what made the situation seem impossible. I called out to Dom as he finally made his way to the door, “Take care of her.”

He looked over his shoulder at me with a scowl. “I always have.” With that closing salvo he exited the bar and left me feeling even worse than I already was.

I got another visitor at the end of what I swore was the longest week of my life. I just wanted to tell everyone to leave me alone, to shut the world out and mourn for the loss of something I was sure was going to stick with me forever. It was the day after the first night Royal hadn’t called, so I was already keyed up and furious at myself and at the circumstances. I had never bemoaned all the crappy things that seemed to find their way to my doorstep, never minded that I had some penance to pay, but this sacrifice felt like it might be what finally took me out, what might make me drown.

I was just a shell. Just a hollow husk of a man going through the motions of the day-to-day because that was what was expected of me. I no longer had to worry or agonize over the good or the bad because there was nothing there. I felt like without her, without her light and her spark, there wasn’t this moment or any moment. I was just stuck in neutral while everything carried on and progressed around me.

She came in at the start of my shift. She had on dark sunglasses and a big ol’ floppy hat like she didn’t want to be recognized by anyone. It was a little late for that. Royal’s mother, the woman that had offered to pay me for sex, sat down at the bar and took off her dark glasses so that she was looking at me with wide, terror-filled eyes. Now that I had seen the two of them together, I couldn’t believe that I had missed the resemblance. Other than the different-colored hair, Royal was the spitting image of the stunning older woman.

Roslyn cleared her throat delicately and laid her hands on the bar top like she needed something solid to hold her in this reality.

“I had no idea you were seeing Royal when I started coming in here. She told me about the Bar, told me it was fun and that a lot of attractive young men hung out here. She never mentioned you specifically or the fact that she was seeing anyone that worked here.” That still wasn’t an excuse for the proposition she had laid at my feet. It didn’t matter if I was involved with her daughter or not. Now that I had walked away, done the clearly right thing for once in my life with no questions hounding me about my choice, I could see the far-reaching ramifications of that decision as Royal’s mother fidgeted nervously in front of me.

I had walked away, but what purpose did that serve if this woman was free to continue to act so irresponsibly with no accountability. Royal would end up hurt anyway, and my sacrifice would be for naught.

I ignored Roslyn and went to fill an order for one of the regulars. Dixie was watching me with careful eyes and I waved her off to let her know I was okay. I needed a second to get a game plan together, a second to pull a few old tricks out of my manipulative hat. I was actually surprised it had taken Roslyn this long to find her way back to the Bar. I held her entire relationship with her daughter in the palm of my hand and she had to know that. If I had been her, this would’ve been my first stop weeks ago. Maybe if I hadn’t been wallowing in my own loss and my own heartache and just generally feeling sorry for myself, I would have gone to her first. The last thing I wanted to do was give up the only woman I ever wanted for my own to have her careless mother hurt her when I wasn’t around to make it better for her.