Anathema (Causal Enchantment #1)(59)

With every ounce of energy, I held Caden’s gaze, trying to read those impenetrable pools of jade. But the pools finally blurred as I lost the battle with my eyelids. I let them rest, reveling under his touch.

I was certain my eyes had closed for only a minute. But when they opened again, daylight peeked in from the cave entrance. A pit full of ash from a night’s worth of logs sat beside me, the flames barely flickering anymore. I inhaled and grimaced, the mixture of chill air and stale smoke unpleasant.

I was still on Ratheus. Lying on a mattress. In a sleeping bag.

“It’s high quality. The label says ‘Good to minus twenty–five degrees Fahrenheit,’ so you should be toasty.”

I rolled over. Caden lay on his back beside me, one arm supporting his head, The War of the Worlds open in his other hand; he still wore the sky blue shirt and jeans he had on earlier. “Imagine, humans being exterminated, their blood devoured, the end of the world. How ridiculous.” He smirked.

My heart skipped a few beats. He was lying so close to me. Only a hundred layers of flannel, fluff, and a Gortex–like exterior stood in our way. And clothes. My hands roamed my body, feeling flannel and sweats. “Where’s my bathing suit?” I asked, feeling my cheeks heat.

“Amelie changed you. Bishop and I were nowhere around,” Caden confirmed quickly, his face solemn.

A small sigh of relief. “I’m still here,” I said, half question, half statement.

“Yes. Is that a bad thing?” He put the book down and reached over to twist a strand of my hair between his fingers.

“No …” I smiled shyly.

His finger slipped down my cheekbone to my lips then, that mysterious smile on his face. “No,” he repeated, leaning in to press his forehead against mine.

I think my heart stopped beating altogether. Such intensity in his eyes, so tempting … I leaned forward and kissed him. Just like that—no warning, no invitation.

For a second I was sure he was responding, but then he pulled away. “Evangeline, no,” he murmured softly. “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

Oh God. Oh no! My stomach constricted, nausea swelling through me as I felt the blood drain from my face. I swallowed repeatedly, sure I was going to be sick, the crushing realization that I had misunderstood him overwhelming. Of course he didn’t like me that way. How could I ever entertain such a ludicrous idea? And now I had ruined it, made everything between us unbearably awkward.

I had to get away.

I started wriggling furiously, trying to work myself out of my sleeping bag. Thanks to a secure zipper pulled to the top, I was trapped. With a little focus and maneuvering, I managed to free my arms, only to have Caden grab them.

“No, don’t,” he pleaded softly. I struggled in vain to break free of his grasp. He finally pinned me down onto my back and leaned over me so our faces were level.

“I’m sorry, that was stupid. I don’t know why I did it.” I averted my gaze, fighting the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes.

“No, it’s my fault,” he whispered.

“No. I’m the idiot who misread everything.”

“You’re not an idiot and you didn’t misread anything,” Caden said through clenched teeth.

I frowned. I didn’t? Does that mean … Hope stirred. I looked up at him, questioning.

That hope was instantly trampled with his next words. “Listen to me carefully,” he began with cold, determined resolve in his eyes now. He spoke slowly and clearly. “It can’t happen. You and I can’t happen. We will never happen.”

A hard, agonized lump filled my throat. I squeezed my eyes shut and concentrated on breathing. A single tear slipped out and ran down my cheek. Then another. And another. I took a deep breath. When I was sure I’d suppressed any other tears, I opened my eyes. Caden’s were now shut tightly, his jaw clenched and his lips pressed together as if fighting an inner demon. He hadn’t moved from his position; he still hovered over me, pinning my arms down.

I tried to make sense of what he was saying, but I couldn’t. You didn’t misread anything. So did he feel something for me? But his next words were so definite, so uncompromising: We will never happen. I didn’t understand. “Why?” I heard myself croak, not intending to ask that out loud. I knew the answer already. Because you’re a plain little girl.

Caden leaned in, his lips grazing mine, so lightly that it couldn’t be intentional. He didn’t mean to do that. It had to be an accident. His eyes were still closed. He couldn’t see anything.

When his eyes finally fluttered open again, I saw the distance in them. “We are two different species, living in two different worlds. It’s impossible,” he said. With a heavy sigh of resignation, he let go of my wrists and flopped back down beside me to stare vacantly up at the ceiling.

“I’ll figure out a way to bring you back,” I declared.

“Just me?”

“No … I’ll figure out a way to bring you all back. There has to be away.”

“Yes, but it’ll be too dangerous for you to stand in the same room with me, let alone … anything else.”

A strange sensation rippled through me when he said that. Be with him, he meant.

Caden sighed, pressing his hand against his forehead.

“Is it Rachel?” I asked quietly, then bit my lower lip.