Always Loving You (Danvers #6)(34)
Ignoring his attempts to get her to leave, she continued rocking. “It was Ava tonight, right? The reason you rushed out of here like the world was ending?”
“Yes,” he answered warily, not sure where this was going.
“You know, the one thing that really confuses me about you, Mac, is I have no clue why you ever asked me out.”
The same alarm bells that sounded in most men’s heads when women said shit like what Gwen was saying were going off like high-pitched sirens. It didn’t seem to matter whether he was in the mood for a talk about his feelings or not, Gwen was more than prepared to force the issue. He could hear the underlying determination in her voice. Holy f*ck. “You’re a beautiful woman, Gwen. Why wouldn’t I be interested?” He cringed when he ended his comment with a question. That was a dumb move.
“Thanks, Mac,” she said softly, “but I don’t think that even applies here. I suspect you’re looking for some meaningless sex to scratch an itch. So what I don’t understand is what’s made you hold back . . . from the sex part? I’m not the type of woman to sleep with every guy I go out with, but I think I’ve shown you after a few dates that I was interested in something physical between us. I mean, come on, Mac. You’re sexy enough that any woman would want you. I’m just curious to know why you always halted things before they got that far. Your body wanted me—you can’t fake that—but your head took you out of the game every time.”
This was it, Mac thought, the official hellish ending to a hellish evening. After having one woman tell him that she had pretended to be screwing random men for years, he had another asking him why he wasn’t screwing her. His head was throbbing and he just wanted to make some excuse and go inside. He couldn’t do that to Gwen, though. He owed her the truth. Walking closer to her chair, he squatted in front of her, halting the rocking motion of her chair. “I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you, Gwen. Believe me, that was never my intention. You’re right; my attraction to you has never been the problem. You know that Ava and I go way back. I’ve had feelings for her for years that she hasn’t returned. I needed to move on with my life. It may not seem like it, but I was slowly doing just that with you until this last week.” When she flinched, he took her hand, nestling it in his larger palms. “No, I haven’t slept with Ava; I don’t want you to think that. There have just been things happening that have shaken me. I don’t know what I’m doing right now and that isn’t fair to you.”
She squeezed his hand back for a moment before leaning forward to trace the curve of his face. “No, it’s not. You’re a good man, Mac. I could see the conflict in your eyes the last few times we’ve been together and I know you have been desperately trying to figure out how to make everyone happy, including me. I don’t want to be your fallback plan, though and that’s clearly what I am.” With a soft laugh she added, “Even though I’ll probably kick myself later because, God, you are a catch, I think we need to move to the friends portion of our relationship and stop trying to make pieces fit together that don’t work.”
Mac looked at her sad smile and felt a pang of regret. He had enjoyed his time with her, but he knew that he had hurt her. Maybe that was why he had held back on having sex. In the back of his mind, he knew he’d never be able to commit and she deserved better than someone sleeping with her and walking away. Hell, she’d deserved better than everything he’d given her during their time together. He stood, pulling her to her feet and into his arms. They hugged for a few moments before he walked her to her car. He dropped a kiss on her cheek and stood watching her taillights as she left. He felt like a bastard as he turned toward his house, because along with sadness he felt relief that he no longer had to pretend to be moving on with his life—because even now, when he was close to hating her, it was always Ava who owned his heart.
Chapter Thirteen
Ava slumped dejectedly in front of her computer. She was searching the activities calendar on the Chamber of Commerce Web site for Myrtle Beach, but her heart wasn’t in it. Mac had been avoiding her for two weeks now and it was starting to really get to her. She knew from a happy Dominic that Mac and Gwen had called it quits and that Dominic was biding his time until he asked her out. She’d pointed out that he almost lost his opportunity by biding his time with her once before, but he let her know quickly that people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. She insisted that she deserved some points for coming clean with Mac even if it hadn’t done anything other than drive them farther apart.
When her cell phone rang, she grabbed it eagerly and then felt a surge of disappointment when she saw Declan’s name on the caller ID. Ava tried to keep the depression from her voice when she said, “Hey, Dec.”
“Hey, Av. How are you?”
“Just great,” she answered, and winced at how absurdly high her voice sounded.
“Um—good. That’s good. Hey, listen, I need a favor. Are you busy today?”
Something about his question made her want to laugh hysterically. Ava wanted to ask him if staring at her walls and reading more self-help magazines qualified, but Brant usually handled her sarcasm better than Declan. Brant would just start reeling off suggestions to solve her problems. Declan would throw the phone to Ella and run the other way. “Not so much,” she said instead.