Always Loving You (Danvers #6)(26)

“Let’s go.” Grabbing her hand, he started pulling her toward their cars in the parking area. Even as mad as he was, he was mindful of her smaller stride and adjusted his accordingly. Before she could form a protest, he had opened his passenger door and ushered her inside before walking around to the driver’s side.

*   *   *

As they were pulling away, she finally snapped out of her daze enough to protest, “Mac, where are we going? I can’t leave my car here.” But he ignored her as if she hadn’t spoken as he drove the familiar streets toward her apartment. The first trickle of unease prickled her skin as she wondered if she had pushed him too far this time. Maybe she should have taken Dominic’s advice and not actually jumped off the zip line platform right in front of Mac. When she saw him standing there, she hadn’t been planning on going through with it. She had taken herself by surprise when she jumped. It was probably the closest she had ever come to peeing her pants as she flew so high above the ground. Afterward, though, God, the rush had been so all-consuming. Her skin still tingled with adrenaline.

She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but when Mac pulled into her parking place and came around to open her door, she was ready to make a smart remark about him having her car picked up before walking off. Instead he once again grabbed her hand and pulled her up a flight of stairs, waiting not very patiently while she opened her front door. Again, she prepared to say good-bye, but he pushed past her and she shut the door behind him, completely puzzled. Oh crap, he was glaring at her. She’d never really understood the meaning of that word before, but she did now. Raking an unsteady hand through his short hair, he said softly, “Avie, I’m so mad at you right now that I shouldn’t even be here. I don’t understand what’s going on in your head.” His eyes looked tormented as he asked, “Baby, are you trying to hurt yourself?”

Unable to bear the pain in his eyes, she rushed over to him, grabbing his hands. “No, Mac, that’s not it.”

Clasping their joined hands against his chest, he asked, “Then why? Why are you suddenly doing all these crazy things that are going to do nothing but get you hurt?”

Ava fought against the desire to put some space between them and steady her nerves. He was staring at her as if he was trying to see inside her head. He was in her space, and normally she wouldn’t allow that to happen. This time, though, she fought herself to deepen the intimacy of the moment, knowing that she needed to start baring her soul if she were ever to have a future with him. “I need to live, Mac. I want to stop being so afraid of everything all the time.”

“Is that what the kiss was about yesterday?” Mac asked softly.

Pulling one hand loose from his hold, she cupped the side of his face, stroking the stubble that was starting to break through his smooth skin. “No, that was because I wanted it.” She could feel his heart gallop beneath the hand that remained against his chest. Taking a deep breath, she continued. “Mac, I want us to try . . . you know, to have a real relationship.” Ava was feeling light-headed at her admission, but also proud that she had actually gotten the words out.

Mac looked stunned, opening and closing his mouth a few times before finally saying something. “Avie . . . what exactly do you mean by that?”

“You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?” She laughed nervously. Mac, on the other hand, didn’t even crack a smile. “Uh . . . what I’m trying to say, apparently not very successfully, is that I’d like for us to go out, you know, like on a date. We don’t have to jump right into a relationship if you don’t want to, but I’d like to start somewhere—with you.”

He dropped her hand and started tugging on his hair as he always did when he was agitated. She wasn’t an expert on men by a long shot, but it didn’t seem like a good sign to her. Maybe she had been expecting him to twirl her in his arms like some kind of romance movie plotline when instead he looked as though he was about to puke. Yeah, it was a real ego booster. With every yank of his hair, her hopes were plummeting. “Why now?” he finally asked. She quelled the urge to look at the floor to see if there was any hair lying there from his tug-of-war with his locks.

When she tried to turn away, thinking it would be easier to talk to the wall than to face him, he grabbed her arm, pulling her almost nose-to-nose, and just waited. “I don’t want to lose you,” she admitted.

Appearing frustrated with her answer, he asked, “Is this because of Gwen and the fact that you and I aren’t spending as much time together?” He looked as if he was in physical pain when he added, “I think you just miss your buddy. I’ll move things around so we can have a drink together like we used to, okay?”

She wanted to reach out and choke the man. He was talking to her as if she were a child who needed to be pacified. Either he wasn’t hearing anything she was saying or he didn’t want to understand. Why were all the men in her life so damn frustrating lately? “That’s not what I meant, Mac! I’m not talking about our friendship or lack of it lately. I want what you’ve wanted from me for years, but I’ve been unable to give you. I want to hold your hand, kiss you, and . . . love you. Not as your friend, though. I’m ready for more.”

Ava jumped when he turned away, pounding his fist in his hands. In contrast his voice was calm when he spoke. “Ava, I gave you every chance to show me that you returned my feelings. I opened my life and my heart to you, but you never gave me anything back in return other than friendship and a stiff arm if I got too close. You twisted me in knots for years. It was torture to be close to you and hell not to be. Finally, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I had to move on. I have moved on.”