All These Things I've Done (Birthright #1)(72)

The principal wasn’t that tough on me on account of the death in my family. One day of suspension starting tomorrow. This could hardly be called a punishment. Just a chance for me to stay home. I probably should have done that in the first place. I had felt pretty sluggish all day.

Natty, Scarlet, Win and I rode the bus back to my apartment.

Natty was wearing Win’s hat. ‘Hey,’ I said, ‘did you guys know we happen to have a genius among us?’

‘Well, I wouldn’t say I’m a genius,’ Scarlet said. ‘Though I am pretty talented.’

‘Not you,’ I said. ‘Natty.’

‘I can believe it,’ Win said. ‘Her head’s nearly as big as mine. Look how she fills out that hat.’

Natty said nothing.

‘So, what are you a genius at, kid?’ Win asked.

‘Maths,’ Natty said. ‘And stuff.’

‘I never knew that,’ Scarlet commented.

‘It’s news to all of us,’ I said.

‘Well, um, congratulations, I guess,’ Scarlet told Natty.

When we got to the apartment, Natty ran into her room and slammed the door. I didn’t feel like going after her, but I did. I turned the knob, but it was locked.

‘Come on, Natty. Let me in.’

‘Why did you embarrass me like that?’ Natty yelled through the door.

‘Why didn’t you ever mention you were a genius?’ I yelled back.

‘Stop calling me that name!’

‘What name?’

‘Genius!’

‘That’s not a name. It’s a compliment. So, why didn’t you ever tell me? Why did I have to hear it from some dumb teacher who looks younger than me?’

‘Miss Bellevoir is not dumb!’

‘No, I’m the dumb one. I didn’t even notice my own sister was a genius.’ I sat down in the hallway outside Natty’s room. ‘I felt so stupid, Natty. It looked like I didn’t know you very well or like I didn’t care about you.’

Natty opened the door. ‘I know you care about me,’ she said. ‘It’s just . . . I didn’t even know I was one. I thought everyone was like me. Until Miss B. said that they weren’t.’

‘And when you figured it out, why didn’t you mention it?’

‘Because I didn’t want to worry you. You’d just gotten back from that horrible place, Liberty. And I didn’t want to cause any more problems for you. And you were all in looooooove with Win.’

‘But you being a genius? This should have been a good thing, right? Why would you think it was a problem?’

‘I guess because you’re always saying that we should keep a low profile at school. So, I try to keep quiet in class. I don’t raise my hand too much. Half the time when I know the answer, I don’t even say.’

‘You mean you’ve tried to act less smart?’ The thought of my little sister trying so hard to be average was incredibly depressing. My skull felt like it was pressing into my eye, so I placed my head in my hands for a moment. ‘But, Natty,’ I whispered, ‘that’s not right.’

‘I’m sorry, Annie. I was only trying to help. I told Miss B. not to talk to you. That there was no point.’

I raised my head slightly. ‘Do you want to go to this summer camp?’ I asked.

‘No,’ Natty said. ‘Maybe.’

‘What about your nightmares?’ I asked. ‘I couldn’t go with you, you know. I can’t leave Leo. Besides which, I’m not exactly a genius.’

‘I don’t know,’ Natty said. ‘I hadn’t thought about that part.’

‘Well, we don’t have to figure this out today,’ I said. ‘But you have to tell me these things, Natty. Especially now that Nana’s dead. I know I’m not Nana or Mommy or Daddy, but I try my best.’

‘I know, Annie. I know everything you do for me. For Leo, too. I wish I was older so that I could help you more. I wish things weren’t so hard for you.’ She put her skinny arms around me, and I couldn’t help but think of what Miss Bellevoir had said about Natty being someone precious, someone who needed to be protected. I had allowed myself to be distracted over the last several months, and this was unacceptable, especially now that Nana was dead. I was responsible for this girl in my arms. In that moment, the magnitude of that hit me. Without me, she wouldn’t live up to her potential. She might fall in with bad people – God knows, we were surrounded by those. Without me, she might even die. Or, if not die, fail to be the person she was meant to be, and that might be an even worse sort of death. I pulled my baby sister to me. I felt light-headed and breathless and like I might throw up. My chest was tight and I wanted to punch the wall. I realized that this was love, and it was awful.

All of a sudden, I really did have to throw up. I let go of Natty and ran down the hall to the bathroom. I made it to the toilet, but barely.

I threw up for the next ten minutes or so. When it was over, I noticed that someone was holding my hair back. I thought it was Natty, but when I turned around it was Win. I’d forgotten he’d come back with me after school.

‘Oh,’ I said, lunging to flush the toilet. ‘You should go. I’m too disgusting.’

‘I’ve seen worse,’ he replied.