All I Ever Wanted(83)

I wasn’t alone in the house that often, and I had to admit, it was kind of nice. I loved my grandfather, of course, but I missed living alone, too. The tiny apartment I’d rented before Noah’s accident had been a snug little space with sloping ceilings and big windows. My father had clunked his head every single time he visited, but I loved the coziness of it. And sure, I wanted a house someday. I didn’t want to be Noah’s faithful servant forever. Or, I corrected, I didn’t want to just be Noah’s faithful servant. I wouldn’t mind having him live with my husband and me.

Not that there was a husband on the horizon.

I hadn’t heard from Ian since our drive home from Montpelier last week, which had been a study in awkwardness and fidgeting. On my part, that is. Honestly. Me, reduced to inane chatter about the foliage. Sure, he’d responded, his answers all polite and brief. We hadn’t talked about anything real. Certainly hadn’t talked about that kiss, which I’d relived about three hundred times thus far.

You blew it, the First Lady said, shaking her head sadly.

How did I blow it, huh? I snapped back. I was surprised that Mark’s getting married, that’s all. Is that a sin? And isn’t there a kindergarten somewhere waiting for you to show up and read a book? Betty Boop was useless, sighing mournfully somewhere in a corner of my brain. But Michelle was right. Somehow, I’d blown it. From Ian’s perspective, it must’ve seemed like I wasn’t over Mark. Are you sure you are? the First Lady asked.

I closed my eyes and sighed. I knew one thing. I really wanted to breach the wall between Ian and me. Too uncertain to pick up the phone, I’d written, then deleted about thirty e-mails to him, but despite the fact that I was good at making people want stuff—and making people like me, as Ian had once pointed out—every word sounded wrong. I checked his “Ask Dr. Ian” blog…he was doing fine. Carmella and I ran into each other at Toasted & Roasted, and she told me things had been really busy since the pet fair. That was good, at least. The little nudge provided by the warm and fuzzy campaign had worked. But at the memory of the scene in the church foyer, I felt ashamed that I’d ever suggested that Ian McFarland needed to be any different from how he actually was.

I slipped off my shoes and went up to my own room, Bowie at my side, the unaccustomed quiet broken only by the sound of the rain pounding the roof. The Morelock chair sat in front of the window as if waiting. Waiting to be a part of that happily ever after I’d promised it. For a second, I thought about trying to get some comfort there, but I didn’t feel worthy today.

I lay on my bed, Bowie curled next to me, and wondered what to do. Work was sucky, Muriel wasn’t going anywhere and I’d ruined things with Ian.

Bowie’s ears pricked up suddenly. So did mine, figuratively speaking.

Any further thoughts on my romantic woes disintegrated. It’s just the rain, I told myself. But there it was again. A sound. A thud. Not rain at all.

Someone was here. In my house. Someone was upstairs with me. Hot, liquid fear flooded my veins. Silently, I sat up.

Someone was in my bathroom.

Could it be Bronte, maybe? It was possible…she came over once in a while, but without Noah here, she would’ve gone to Mom’s. Maybe it was Freddie, but what the heck would he be doing in my bathroom? Should I follow that train of thought? Maybe it was a mass murderer, on the run from the police, ducking into our perpetually unlocked home to hide, coldly delighted to find one more victim.

It’s probably a bat, dummy, the First Lady said. The thought was calming, despite Michelle’s disrespectful tone. She was probably right. Speaking of bats, well, I didn’t have one. Baseball bat, that was. But I did have an oar, this old wooden oar I’d bought at a yard sale a few years ago, which I’d hung up as a very cool decoration. Taking care to be quiet, just in case the noise was indeed caused by Jack the Ripper, I crept over and took the oar off the wall.

Picking up my cell phone, I flipped it open, pressed 9, then 1, then kept my thumb hovering right there. If there really was a person in my bathroom, I’d press the last 1, then toss the phone under the bed so the perp couldn’t pry it from my hand and hang up. The police could then track my signal and rescue me. And surely Bowie wouldn’t just twirl in gleeful circles as I was attacked, right? Surely he’d protect the woman who’d saved him from the animal shelter, right? I glanced at my faithful friend. He was sleeping. Super.

Tiptoeing across the room, I could feel my heart clattering. The thing in my bathroom was probably a bat or a bird, but…what if it was a serial killer? Or a terrorist? Don’t forget vampire, Michelle suggested.

Lucky for me, the bathroom door’s latch was still broken. The door was closed, but I could kick it open the way they did on Law & Order: Criminal Intent and thus surprise my intruder. Oar in one hand, phone in the other, I took a deep breath, then kicked the door open as hard as I could.

A na**d man leaned against my shower, dripping wet, his back to me.

“Aaah!” I screamed—the door hit the wall and closed again, and I leaped backward, away, the oar clattering to the floor. Bowie bolted to his feet, barking hysterically, rushing instantly to my side. A shriek—someone else’s—split the air, and I gave an answering scream. Holy shit, who was in there? What was in there?

“Nine-one-one operator, what’s your emergency?” came a voice. Thank God, I’d hit the last 1, bless my smart thumb. “Naked man! Naked man!” someone yelled—oh, it was me! Hide the phone! my brain instructed, so I hurled my cell across the room and vaulted across the bed, Bowie rocketing after me, baying in high-pitched panic, as I scrambled away from the na**d intruder. Grabbing a pillow, I clutched it in front of me, my back against the wall.