All I Ever Wanted(55)

“It was a cartoon, Callie,” Damien said, slurping more apricot sour. “Of a squirrel, okay? So her little squirrel, which is apparently named Squeaky the Squirrel, climbs up on a barrel of syrup, jumps in and starts lapping it up. And then comes this scary little high-pitched voice, and I’m pretty f**king sure it was Muriel…‘So good even a squirrel will eat it!’”

“What does that even mean?” I asked, covering my mouth in horror.

“Who the f**k knows?” he said, laughing so hard he practically choked. I couldn’t help joining in. “So John says, ‘I’m really uncomfortable with this…who’d want to buy syrup when a rodent’s been swimming around in it? What are you gonna do next? Rats?’ And M&M, they give each other these looks, like they can’t f**king believe he took a pass.”

“So what happened after that?” I asked, sucking up the last of my girly-girl drink through a straw.

“So Mark said something like, ‘Well, we do have another idea,’ and shows yours, and John practically wets himself, he loves it so much. Came out of his chair when he heard that you already got Terry f**king Francona to agree.”

I sat back against the booth. “That’s great. I’m so glad John liked it. He’s such a good guy,” I said, pleased beyond words. Still, the fact didn’t escape me that I’d just spent the past three days frantically working, all on a Muriel whim. That was not cool. Not at all.

“So. You win, Callie,” Damien said, slurping down the rest of his drink. “What next?”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t know, Damien,” I admitted. “Do you…” I hesitated. “Do you think Muriel’s going to…last? With Mark, I mean?”

Damien sighed. “I don’t know,” he said. “She’s not the one I’d pick for him, that’s for sure.”

I didn’t say anything else. Annie had just come in, and she’d skin me if she knew I was talking about Mark’s love life. She was here to eavesdrop on my meeting with Ron, my latest attempt at finding The One. I wasn’t always sitting around mooning after my boss, my vet and other emotionally unavailable men.

Damien glanced at his watch. “Well. Must run. I have much better plans than hanging out here with you and these townies. No offense, of course. Toodles!”

“You’re going to get beat up if you don’t stop saying that,” I advised. “And I’ll be leading the mob, carrying a pipe.”

To my surprise, he kissed my cheek. “Thanks for the drink, Callie. And well done. Oh!” He looked over at the door. “Is that the someone you’re meeting? He’s looking around, has a desperate, furtive, rat-like demeanor…”

“Shut it, Damien,” I muttered. I looked over and waved. As if electrified, Annie hurtled over, followed closely by Freddie.

“Hi,” she said. “Is that him? The guy you waved to? Is he cute? He’s not bad. At least he’s tall.”

“Go sit where you can eavesdrop,” I instructed. Annie took the booth directly behind me. “Come, Fred,” she ordered. “Sit. Stay.”

“He looks unwashed,” Damien murmured. “Must flee. Tra-la!”

My date began making his way over. The Whoop & Holler was a dark and cavernous space, excellent for alcoholics and clandestine hookups. As he got closer, my heart sank. No, no, don’t do that, I told the pesky organ. He’s got…hidden depths? He might, anyway…

“This is gonna be great,” Freddie said in a stage whisper.

“Fred, don’t you dare…” Ah, there was no point. Little brothers were created to mock, torment and steal from their sisters, and Fred was a shining example. Besides, Ron was here.

Damien was right. He wasn’t quite…clean. Not that he was filthy, mind you. But here I was, in a wicked cute dress, a green-and-white pattern with flattering belt and, yes, darling orange suede high-heeled shoes for that pop of color. I’m just saying. And Ron… Ron wore faded and stained blue work pants, matching shirt. “Callie?” he asked, frowning fiercely.

“Yes! Hi, Ron! It’s so nice to meet you!” I chirruped, hoping that this would soon be true. He had an earthy, not exactly unpleasant smell about him. “Have a seat.”

He obeyed. Ron was a large, solid guy in that reassuring manly man way. We’d done the whole tennis volley of e-mails, and he’d actually seemed pretty nice. Friendly. Asked questions, gave answers. Our knees bumped, and I quickly shifted so as to avoid any unintended signals or dirt.

“Sorry, I’m late,” he muttered. “It was my night to milk.”

“Oh! Milk the, um…cows?” No, Callie. The monkeys. I heard the telltale wheeze of my brother’s laughter already, Annie’s little snort. Super. “I mean, you said you were a farmer. I guess a dairy farmer, right?”

He nodded.

“That’s great. I love cows,” I said. It was true. I did. Especially the kind on the side of the Ben & Jerry’s truck.

Ron’s eyes dropped to my chest. Damn! My adorable dress was quite low-cut…not slutty low, but low enough. If one has a great rack, one must use it to distract from food babies and the like. Or so I’d thought before now. Ron looked very…assessing, as if calculating my own potential in the dairy department.