Again the Magic (Wallflowers 0.5)(74)

Gideon was an expert at social banter, appearing relaxed and smiling as he chatted with the visitors. McKenna, on the other hand, was far more reserved, making few remarks, and choosing his words with care. Dressed in a formal scheme of black and white, he was the perfect dark foil for Gideon’s golden elegance. Livia was more than a little intimidated by McKenna, and awed that Aline held a man like this in her thrall.

As Gideon went to fetch her a glass of lemonade for her, and a cordial for Mrs. Smedley, Livia had the opportunity to speak with McKenna more or less privately, as her chaperone was deaf as a post. McKenna was polite and a bit distant, certainly seeming far from needing anyone’s sympathy, and yet Livia couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. Despite McKenna’s invulnerable facade, she saw signs of fatigue in his swarthy face, and shadows beneath his eyes that bespoke many sleepless nights. She knew how terrible it was to love someone that you couldn’t have—and it was even worse for McKenna, because he would never know why Aline had rejected him. As Livia’s guilty conscience reminded her of the part she had played in causing McKenna to be sent away from Stony Cross all those years ago, she felt herself turn red. To her consternation, McKenna noticed the telltale blush.

“My lady,” he murmured, “does my company disturb you for some reason?”

“No,” she said swiftly.

McKenna held her gaze as he replied gently. “I think it does. I will find another place from which to view the play, if it would ease your discomfort.”

As Livia stared into his weary blue-green eyes, she remembered the dashing boy he had once been, and she thought of the apology she had wanted to make for a dozen years. Agitation filled her as she considered the promise she had made to Aline—but that promise had been never to talk about the scars. She hadn’t promised not to talk about their father’s manipulations.

“McKenna,” she said hesitantly, “my distress arises from the memory of something I did a long time ago. An injustice that I did to you, actually.”

“Are you referring to the time I was in service at Stony Cross Park?” he asked with a slight frown. “You were only a little girl.”

Livia fidgeted as she replied in a low voice. “I fear that little girls are quite adept at mischief making—and I was no exception. I was the reason that you were bundled off to Bristol so suddenly.”

McKenna stared at her with sudden intensity, remaining silent as she continued.

“You know how I used to follow Aline around, watching everything she did. I worshipped her. And of course I knew about the attachment between the two of you. I suppose I was a bit jealous, wanting all of Aline’s love and attention, as she was like a second mother to me. So when I happened to see you in the carriage room one day, while the two of you were—” Livia stopped and blushed even harder. “I did the worst possible thing—I didn’t realize what the consequences would be. I went to my father and told him what I had seen. And that is why you were dismissed and sent to Bristol. Afterward, when I comprehended the results of my actions, and saw how Aline was suffering, I felt the worst kind of remorse. I’ve always regretted what I did, and although I do not expect you to forgive me, I do want to tell you how sorry I am.”

“Suffering?” McKenna repeated tonelessly. “Lady Aline had me sent to Bristol because she regretted having feelings for a servant. She knew I would soon become an embarrassment to her—”

“No,” Livia interrupted earnestly. “It was our father—you can’t know what a vindictive man he was. He told my sister that if she ever saw you again, he would destroy you. He vowed that he wouldn’t rest until you were left without a home or any means of supporting yourself—you would have ended up dead or in prison. And Aline believed him, because she knew what he was capable of. She never wanted you to leave Stony Cross—but she did what was necessary to protect you. To save you. In fact, the only reason Father secured your apprenticeship in Bristol, rather than cast you into the streets, was because Aline demanded it.”

McKenna gave her a derisive glance. “Then why didn’t she tell me so at the time?”

“My sister believed that if she had given you any reason to hope, you would have risked everything to come back to her.” Livia looked down into her lap, smoothing the silk of her gown as she murmured, “Was she wrong about that?”

An endless silence passed. “No,” he finally whispered.

Lifting her gaze, Livia saw that McKenna was staring blindly at the action onstage. He seemed composed…until one noticed the mist of sweat on his forehead, and the blanched surface of his knuckles as his fist rested on his thigh. Livia reflected uneasily that she had revealed too much, but now that she had started, she found it difficult to stop. She had to set things right, if only to make McKenna understand the truth about this one facet of the past. “After you left,” she said, “Aline was never the same. She loved you, McKenna…enough that she chose to make you hate her, rather than see you harmed in any way.”

His voice was thick with condensed hostility. “If that was true, she would have told me about it by now. Your father is dead, devil take his soul—and there is nothing to stop Aline from setting the record straight.”

“Perhaps,” Livia said carefully, “she does not want you to feel obligated to her in any way. Or perhaps she is afraid, for some reason that you have yet to learn. If you would only—”