A Wallflower Christmas (Wallflowers #5)(49)

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, her despair congealing into sullenness. “Nothing matters. Don’t even try to”

Rafe put his hand over her mouth and looked down at her. Lit by the torches, his face was cast half in shadow, his eyes dark and bright. His voice was thick and warm, and tenderly chiding. “Had you stayed in the ballroom about thirty seconds longer, my impulsive love, you would have heard Blandford announcing Natalie’s engagement to Lord Travers.”

Hannah’s entire body stiffened. She couldn’t even breathe.

“With the exception of a brief errand in the village,” Rafe continued, “I’ve been talking with people all damn day. With my parents, the Blandfords, Westcliff…and most importantly, Natalie.” He took his hand from her mouth and rummaged in the pocket of his coat. Extracting a handkerchief, he wiped her wet cheeks gently. “I told her,” he continued, “that as lovely and appealing as I found her, I could not marry her. Because I would never be able to care for her in the way that she deserved. Because I had fallen in love, deeply and forever, with someone else.” He smiled into Hannah’s dazed eyes. “I believe she went straight to Travers afterward, and in giving her comfort and counsel, he probably confessed his own feelings for her. I hope she hasn’t rushed into an impulsive betrothal merely to save face. But that’s not my concern.”

Cradling Hannah’s face in his hands, Rafe waited for her to say something. She merely shook her head, too overwhelmed to make a sound.

“That day in the library,” he told her, “when I nearly made love to you, I realized afterward that I had wanted to get caught with you. I wanted to compromise youanything that would allow me to be with you. And I knew then that no matter what, I wasn’t going to be able to marry Natalie. Because a lifetime is too long to spend with the wrong woman.”

His head and shoulders blotted out the torchlight as he bent over her, his mouth taking hers with a slow, penetrating kiss. He coaxed her trembling lips to part, exploring her with an ardent tenderness that caused her heart to thump with painful force. She gasped as she felt his hand slide inside the coat, caressing the fine skin exposed by the low-cut bodice of her ballgown.

“Darling Hannah,” he whispered. “When I saw you crying just now, I thought ‘Please, God, let it be because she cares for me, wicked scoundrel that I am. Let her love me even a little.’ “

“I was crying,” she managed to tell him unsteadily, “because my heart was breaking at the thought of you marrying someone else.” She had to set her jaw against a quiver of emotion. “Because I…I wanted you for myself.”

The flare of passion in his eyes sent her pulse rioting. “Then I have something to ask you, my love. But first you must understand…I’m not going to inherit Bowman’s. That doesn’t mean I can’t provide for you, however. I’m a wealthy man in my own right. And I’m going to take my ill-gotten gains and put them to good use. There are opportunities everywhere.”

Finding it difficult to think clearly, Hannah had to concentrate as if she were translating a foreign language. “You’ve been cut off?” she finally whispered in concern.

Pulling back a little, Rafe nodded. His face was sober and purposeful. “It’s for the best. Some time in the future, my father and I may find a way to accept each other. But in the meantime, I won’t live according to any man’s dictates.”

Her hand stole up to the side of his face, caressing his cheek gently. “I didn’t want you to make such a sacrifice for me.”

His lashes half lowered at her touch. “It wasn’t a sacrifice. It was salvation. My father sees it as a weakness, of course. But I told him it doesn’t make me less of a man to love someone this way. It makes me more of one. And you’re under no obligation, you know. I don’t want you to”

“Rafe,” she said unsteadily, “obligation is no part of what I feel for you.”

His expression caused her insides to turn molten. Picking up one of her hands, he removed her glove in a leisurely manner, pulling gently at the fingertips to loosen them. After peeling off the white satin, he kissed the backs of her fingers and laid her palm against his warm, smooth-shaven cheek. “Hannah, I love you almost more than I can bear. Whether you want me or not, I’m yours. And I’m not at all certain what will happen to me if I have to spend the rest of my life without you. Please marry me so I can stop trying to be happy and finally just be. I know this has happened very fast, but”

“Some things can’t be measured by time,” Hannah said with a tremulous smile.

Rafe went still and gave her a questioning glance.

“One of the housemaids found a half-burned love letter in the hearth in your room,” Hannah explained, “and she brought it to Natalie, who showed it to me. Natalie assumed it was for her.”

Even in the darkness, she saw Rafe’s color heighten. “Well, hell,” he said in a rueful tone. Bringing her close, he held her and whispered against her ear. “It was for you. Every word was about you. You must have known when you read it.”

“I wanted it to be about me,” Hannah said shyly. “And”her own face flamed”those things you wroteI want all of that, too.”

He gave a soft laugh and drew back to look at her. “Then give me your answer.” He crushed a brief, impassioned kiss against her lips. “Say it, or I’ll have to keep kissing you until you surrender.”