A Spell of Time (A Shade of Vampire #10)(28)

Annora was the only witch we had contact with. If I didn’t know who Lilith was after all these years of serving the witches’ cause, there was no way any of the vampires would know about her.

It seemed that the only way to Lilith was through Annora. I guessed I’d known this all along. But I’d been hoping to avoid mentioning Lilith to her because it would bring about awkward questions. How would I know about Lilith to begin with? I began to wonder what possible explanation I could give her.

As I walked from hall to hall, the solution finally hit me.

If I can’t mention Lilith to Annora, I just need to get Annora to mention Lilith to me.

I shuddered as a plan started to formulate in my mind. There was only one way to do this. I had to convince Annora that I wanted to become like her.

Chapter 23: Vivienne

I turned my back on Xavier as he sat at the dining table. I busied myself at the kitchen counter, trying to hide the way my hands were trembling. I poured two glasses of deer blood and passed one to him before taking a seat myself.

I tried to keep a calm demeanor, but inside I was burning up. I’d begun to feel the disturbance when we were held hostage by Annora. It had taken root in the pit of my stomach and I’d had to bear it every day since. Then, once I’d had the vision, it had intensified tenfold.

“What’s wrong, Viv?” Xavier asked, his gorgeous eyes settling on me. “You haven’t been yourself lately.”

His eyes always made me feel like he could see right through me.

I cleared my throat and reached out to touch his hand resting on the table. Squeezing it, I forced a smile.

“I’m fine. There’s just something I need to talk to you about.”

“What is it?”

I held my breath, anticipating his reaction. “Xavier… I want to have a child.”

His jaw dropped. It took a few moments for him to find his voice again.

“Are you serious?” he choked.

I nodded.

A smile broke out on his face. He stood up and walked round the table to me, pulling me up and drawing me into an embrace.

He looked down at my face, studying me closely. “Why now? After all this time… What’s changed?”

I nestled my head against his chest, breathing deeply.

“The time we spent trapped in that dungeon at Annora’s mercy… it just made me realize that I need to stop taking this life for granted. Even as vampires, it can end at any moment. I need to stop delaying what I know we both want.”

The joy on Xavier’s face made me feel like my heart might burst. Xavier had wanted children for a long time. Since the day we got married, he’d made no secret of it. I was the one who’d been delaying it. Because I was a coward. I knew the risks that came with having a child. I’d already suffered the loss of most of my family—my mother, father and brother. And I had come so close to losing Derek on more than one occasion. I didn’t want to risk losing Xavier, or myself, by taking the cure. Derek had told me how agonizing it was. And then, even if we managed to become humans, I was afraid of being a mother. I didn’t know if I was capable of being a good one. My head was so in the clouds sometimes, I was worried that I wasn’t present enough to properly care for a child.

Yes, having a baby scared me. But now the prospect of not ever being able to have one scared me more. As with most things in life, you only realized what you wanted when it was taken away from you.

I realized how much I wanted to have a child with Xavier.

“But are you sure, Viv? I’m afraid you’re just doing this for me.”

I shook my head. “No. I’m not.”

“But now of all times? When the safety of the island is still in the balance? Is now the best time for us to turn back into humans and for you to bear a child?”

I’d considered this already. How could I not have?

Holding my husband’s head in my hands, I kissed his cheek. “There never will be a perfect time. I’ve come to realize that. It could be that in the future it will seem even more impossible. We’re safe for now with Mona. I… I don’t want to delay any longer. Who knows what could happen in even ten years?”

“But—”

“Something tells me we’re as safe now as we’ll ever be. There will always be some danger lurking round the corner. We just have to do the best we can to protect our child, like Derek and Sofia.”

His thumbs brushed the sides of my face, his eyes still drilling into mine. “But darling, this is a time when we need to be strong. Stronger than ever. There was a seventeen-year gap when nothing happened… when we could have…”

“I know,” I said, swallowing back the lump in my throat. “I know. It was a mistake not having one before. But I don’t want to look back at this period and realize we made the same mistake again.”

“Neither do I,” he said. “But I also don’t want us to regret having one now. I think we should wait—a few weeks—to see how things play out with Annora. For all we know, we could be driven out of this island by then.”

I sighed. “All right. A few weeks. But after that, no more waiting.”

Chapter 24: Rose

The weekend passed slowly. Griffin came to visit me on Saturday, for which I was grateful. He seemed to have cheered up a bit from the last time I saw him. I guessed that it was the absence of Micah. For whatever reason, Griff seemed to be tense around him, so I was careful not to bring him up. However, when Griffin asked if I wanted to go for a swim after lunch, I had no choice but to mention the werewolf.