A Shadow of Light (A Shade of Vampire #4)(3)

That cocky infuriating side smirk of his formed on his firm lips. “I don’t know. What are you willing to do to get it?”

I was half-expecting his over-bloated ego to make his head explode. Annoyed, I heaved a deep sigh and stood up. “This is such a waste of time.”

“No, wait.” He gently laid a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. Let’s try that again.”

I looked into his eyes, seeing his sincerity. “Try what again?”

“Try to have a civilized conversation, Cam. I promise to be less of a jerk.” He raised one hand in the air to make his pledge official. “Hear me out.”

I kept my eyes on him and slowly sat back on my chair. I hoped that through my actions, he would realize that I was keeping him on a short leash.

He sat back down and cleared his throat.

“Don’t give me any more of your crap, Claremont,” I warned.

“No more of that.”

He then timidly asked if we should order first and I nodded. We made our orders—a strangely awkward ordeal—before I once again eyed him for some sort of explanation for our rather unusual meeting.

He took a deep breath after the waiter left. “So you really want the Red Orb?”

“I told you that.”

“I’ll give it to you then.”

My brow quirked up. “Just like that?”

He slowly nodded. “Yeah. Just like that.”

“That doesn’t make sense. You’ve been competing with me and driving me crazy over the past few weeks trying to get a hold of that artifact. Now, you’re just going to give it to me?”

“Well, first of all, you have to admit that the competition made the dig a whole lot more fun and interesting. Sorry, but messing with you was the most fun I had during that whole expedition. Seeing your reaction gave me far more satisfaction than actually getting the orb,” he admitted with an amused chuckle.

“I’m glad you were entertained,” I responded, feigning annoyance even though a smile was threatening to form on my lips as memories of all the bickering and competitive banter I had with him came to mind.

“Look…” He slightly tilted his head to the side. “I’m a guy who knows what I want. I traveled to Cuba wanting the orb and I got it, but I realized that there’s something I want more than the orb.”

I was afraid to ask, but the words came out of my mouth before I could hold them back. “And what’s that?”

“You, Camilla.”

That was the first date among many that followed after we got back to the States. I fell in love with Aiden Claremont, so when he proposed to me after several weeks of dating, I couldn’t say no. Truth be told, I was terrified. Throughout the time we were dating, we were never intimate. I told him that I wanted to wait until marriage and he respected that. The fact that he respected my choice to wait made me admire him even more, but then it also made me dread the night I had to be intimate with him.

On the night of our honeymoon, I wanted desperately to please him, to be the blushing bride eager to share a bed with her doting husband, but no matter how I tried to enjoy that night and take pleasure in his touch, I simply couldn’t. I pretended on his behalf, but the moment he fell asleep, cradling me in his arms, I burst into tears.

I was far too damaged by my past to ever enjoy such pleasures, but he didn’t need to know that. Of course, Aiden was no fool. He knew something was wrong. He noticed times when I would sort of shut down whenever he tried to make love to me, but I always avoided answering his questions about it. My past was my own nightmare to live with. He didn’t need to share the burden.

The first few months of our marriage were the best months of my life. Aiden was everything I could ask for in a man. He was loving and affectionate. He treated me in a way that made me want to be the best I could be for him. I was satisfied, but I knew that he wasn’t, or at least he wouldn’t be for long.

Whenever he brought up the topic of children, I skirted around it. I didn’t want him to know that I never wanted to have children. I kept taking birth control pills without his knowledge; thus, it came as a complete surprise to me when several months after our honeymoon, I became pregnant. I was mentally kicking myself for allowing Aiden to come with me to the checkup. If he wasn’t there, if I hadn’t seen the delight in his eyes when he found out, if I didn’t see for myself how much joy I would bring him by carrying the child, I would’ve immediately had an abortion. Sofia never would’ve been born.

I could never forget the day our daughter was born. I knew from the way Aiden stared at her that I had just lost him. I no longer held all of his heart. A great big chunk of it had just been taken from me by Sofia.

Sofia grew lovelier and lovelier each year. She was precious to me, because I knew that she was precious to him. Still, I was terrified. Though he remained a wonderful husband to me, and though he still looked at me the same way he looked at me on our first date, I was still terrified of losing Aiden. I didn’t want him to love Sofia more than he loved me.

I was afraid of being abandoned and every father-daughter outing they went on brought me into despair, the likes of which Aiden could never possibly understand. Never did I feel more weak than when Aiden spent time alone with Sofia, time I was convinced should’ve been mine. I would’ve much preferred to keep Sofia to myself than to have her be with her father. Aiden mistook this as me being selfish with Sofia and often teased me about it, but in reality, it was me being selfish with him.