A Reclusive Heart (Hollywood Hearts #2)(23)

******

Note to self, sitting on the back of a motorcycle for seven hours is really bad for the butt, Jamie noted as she walked stiff legged to her hotel room’s bathroom, but with a smile. That had been a lot of fun, a lot more fun than she ever thought possible. She already decided that when this tour was finished she was going to buy a bike and get her license. She briefly thought about asking Nick to go with her to pick it out, but then remembered that the agreement would be over and she’d be on her own. That thought scared her, but not enough to back down. This was something she wanted to do and thanks to Nick she knew how much fun it could be and wasn’t going to allow herself get scared off.

Thanks to Nick she was trying new things and finding new interests. Having him accompanying her made her feel relaxed and safe. With him around she didn’t stand out. Well, she kind of did, but that was only because she was with an incredibly handsome man. She’d take that rather than stand out because she was the lone loser shifting nervously while trying to appear not to be alone any day of the week.

Having people look at her with open pity wasn’t exactly her idea of fun. She hated the looks people sent her when she went out to eat by herself, a movie, the mall. Then again she had stood out thanks to the way she dressed. When she dressed in plain oversized clothing she’d hoped to blend into the background, but now she realized that actually made her stand out more. With her hair shortened and her new clothes she actually blended in a lot better, but she still wasn’t comfortable doing most of the things on her list on her own.

She was deathly afraid that she’d embarrass herself or screw something up.

It made it a lot easier to try new things with Nick. She’d never met anyone more comfortable in his own skin and she never had to worry about being too nervous to try something when he was around. It also didn’t hurt that he’d done a lot of things that she wanted to try so it was just a matter of him showing her how to do something. With Nick around it was like having her own personal tutor on life, a tutor that was also a slave driver.

From the moment she woke up until the moment he declared that she had free time he worked her to the bone. If they weren’t going over possible interview questions, the proper way to give an interview, what not to say, working on her books, or editing someone else’s book they were traveling. It was a grueling schedule and if she didn’t have the List to look forward to she’d probably be begging for him to slow down.

But there was no way she was going to give up the List. Thanks to Nick she was trying new things and loving it. She was starting to feel more comfortable and eager to try new things…….other things that he wouldn’t be able to help her with.

There was another aspect of her life that she’ always ignored, well, not so much as ignored as never finding anyone interested. Now that she was discovering a whole new Jamie she decided it was time to give the other part of her life that she’d sorely neglected over the years a try.

She was going to have a sex life.

A really good sex life, she decided. She’d do all the things she’d only imagined and she’d do them with whomever she wanted. The old her was gone and so were her prudish or rather virginal ways. She was twenty-five years old and ready to pop her cherry. She was too old to be a virgin and definitely too old never to have been kissed. Okay, so she had been kissed in eight grade by Gerald Logan, but that shouldn’t count because he’d kissed her on the cheek and only because someone dared him to do it.

Now she was more confident and eager to give it a try. There were so many things in that genre that she wanted to attempt, but was too nervous to try, but now all that was behind her. She was the new Jamie. Granted this new Jamie required a little bit of help, but that was neither here nor there. If she wanted to have sex then she was going to have it, lots of it. She did sort of, kind of wish she could ask Nick for a few suggestions, but she didn’t want him to know about this or think that she was asking him to step up and take one for the team.

The very last thing she wanted was for a guy to have sex or touch her because of an obligation. She wanted a man to want her, need her even if it was just for a night. Nick would probably think that she expected him to handle her needs as if they were a part of the list and she didn’t. She knew the man would never touch her and didn’t want her, which was fine because she wasn’t delusional.

Nick flirted with absolutely every woman. He sweet talked them, charmed them and made them all want him, except for her of course. With her he didn’t bother flirting with her or sweet talking her into doing something. No, for her he used intimidation and the List. As long as even part of her was still a pushover and that List existed then he wouldn’t need to waste energy trying to sweet talk her.

Besides, her heart didn’t need the confusion.

It was bad enough that she’d developed a bit of a crush on the man. She didn’t need him to confuse her by flirting with her and making her think that he was interested when her mind knew that he wasn’t. She appreciate that they had boundaries. It made this a heck of a lot easier. He was her boss and List buddy and that was all.

She took a quick shower before dressing in a pair of soft green flannel pajama pants and a pink baby t-shirt and rushing to the desk in her room only to remember that Nick had the computer. Worrying her bottom lip she tried to decide if this was something that could wait until tomorrow. After a minute she realized that it couldn’t. If she didn’t make this new list then she’d be up all night tossing and turning as the possibilities ran through her head.