A Kiss of Blood (Vamp City #2)(92)

She opened her mouth to answer, then closed it again. Because she didn’t know what she would have done. If Zack hadn’t needed Vamp City saved, would she have tried to save it?

She just didn’t know.

Arturo crossed his arms over his chest. “This is why I did not tell you everything. I could not trust you.”

She looked at him in surprise, then scowled. “Get out of my way.”

He didn’t budge. “You are blind, Quinn. Blind to everything and everyone.”

“I am not. Now, move, or I’m going to move you myself.”

“You would have died in the Focus today if I hadn’t fought to make you come out.”

“That’s not true.”

“No? Look me in the eye and tell me you would have stopped trying to renew the magic when the pain became too much. That you would have given up at some point even if I hadn’t been there.”

She wouldn’t have. Of course not.

“You’d have committed suicide before you quit.”

“He’s my brother!”

“He is more than that, tesoro,” he said quietly. “He is your only reason for living.”

The words were a slap. The pain fueled her anger. “I don’t have to listen to this.” Lifting her hand, she pushed him away from the door to crash against the side wall.

But when she reached for the doorknob, he flew back and spun her around, gripping her shoulders hard, his nose inches from her own, furious eyes staring into her own.

“Zack is all you care about. Your world is so damn narrow, Quinn, that if it does not involve Zack, it does not matter. Kassius risked his life to rescue you from Cristoff’s prison. Amanda Morris and Neo have helped both you and Zack, plus they devote their lives to saving the captured humans. When the magic fails, they will die, Quinn. As will Sam and Rinaldo and Bram and dozens of others who do not deserve to die. But you give them no thought. They do not matter to you. None of them matters to you.”

“What about the humans who will be saved if Vamp City dies? Humans who haven’t been caught yet but will be in the coming days and weeks and months, not to mention the ones who are already here. You give them no thought!”

“There you are wrong, cara mia. I do give them thought. When you renew the magic, most of the vampires will reclaim their consciences and their souls. The barbarity will end. Some vampires will continue to feed and abuse humans—it has been so since the dawn of time. But the majority of Emoras will not.”

He gripped her chin, and she tried to jerk away, but he held her fast, forcing her to meet his gaze. “You rail at me for lying to you, yet you lie to yourself. Your concern is not for the captives, Quinn. To some extent, yes. You are not without heart. But your primary concern is and has always been Zack, even at the cost of your own life. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why?”

“He’s my brother.” She glared at him, the ache in her chest spreading.

“Have you considered what it would do to him if you died trying to save him? Have you ever considered his pain? You may think of yourself as devoted and courageous, but you protect yourself, Quinn, above all others, above anything and everything else. And everyone else be damned. Even Zack.”

“Go to Hell.” She jerked free of his hold, refusing to listen to this anymore. But when she would have focused the energy to once more push him away from the door, she couldn’t. She couldn’t even see clearly through the sheen of tears now blurring her eyesight.

He was full of bullshit. Nothing he said even made sense! But that spreading ache in her chest intensified.

She turned her back on him, needing to get away, but there was nowhere to go.

“Cara.”

“Go away.” She swiped at the tears that were starting to leak out of the corners of her eyes. “You’re wrong. I’m not protecting myself. I’m protecting him. It’s the one thing I can do, the one thing I can give him.”

“Can you not simply love him?” he asked softly. “Is that not enough?”

The pain in her chest intensified, the tears falling freely now. “He has so many people who love him. So many that he loves back.”

“And you have no one else.”

His words sliced her to the bone with their truth. She reached out a hand for the wall, curling her other arm across her stomach as the pain spread, as the terrible, aching loneliness she’d lived with a lifetime ripped through her, clawing at her heart. Zack loved her, she knew that. But she’d never been his whole world. And he was, and had always been, hers.

A gentle hand caressed her hair. A soft voice murmured in her ear. “You are not alone anymore, carissima.”

He was wrong. She’d never felt more alone in her life. She didn’t push him away, but neither did she turn and slide into his arms as the softest core of her longed to do. That way would only lead to more pain.

His finger twisted around a lock of her hair. “You push others away, do you know this?” he asked quietly. “Both Mukdalla and Amanda have attempted to befriend you, but you’ve rebuffed their efforts.”

Quinn brushed at the tears that refused to cease. “I have not.”

“You protect yourself, Quinn.” He stroked her hair. “Understandably so. You have known too much betrayal in your young life. The mother who abandoned you by dying, the father who brought a woman into your life who could not love you, then sided with that shrew against you. The friends, the best friend, who abandoned you at the first sign of your differentness. It is surprising, tesoro, that you are as capable of love as you are, as starved as you were of your parents’ affection. And you are capable of great love. It shines within you every time you look at your brother.”