A Castle of Sand (A Shade of Vampire #3)(49)

At that point, I realized that my return to The Shade wasn’t just about Derek and me anymore. It couldn’t be. If I was going to be of any use to him, I couldn’t remain a love-struck teenager pining over him. I had to come into my own.

Looking into the hopeful and passionate eyes of the people surrounding me, I knew what had to happen. “We are going to do something.” I nodded resolutely. “We’re going to fight back.”

CHAPTER 32: BEN

We were on a private plane. Fly, the resident pilot of the hunters, lifted us into the air. We’d just finished another mission. Haunted by the new batch of lives I’d just claimed, I was quiet during our whole trip back to headquarters. It was easier to kill that night. At least I was certain that the ones I had killed had blood on their hands, since I just saw them sucking the life out of a couple of beautiful young girls taken from a human trafficking ring.

In particular, it was these girls that were bothering me, reminding me of the many young men and women that’d been abducted and brought to The Shade.

“What’s going on with you, Ben? You seem so out of it these days…” Zinnia sounded annoyed as she plopped herself down on the seat beside mine. She had a bottle of champagne in her hands and she looked ready to celebrate.

I inwardly groaned. “Seriously? Champagne?”

“Don’t we have reason to celebrate?”

“We just saw a bunch of young women get murdered by vampires, who we then murdered. Death is not something we ought to celebrate, Zinnia.”

Her eyes widened. “Gosh…so touchy…fine…no champagne then…” She was silent for a good fifteen minutes before she eventually blurted out, “What is wrong, Ben?”

“I think I want out…” I finally confessed. It just came out of my lips before I could stop it.

Zinnia’s brow rose. “Just like that? You just want to quit being a hunter? After all the work you’ve put into becoming one, after…”

“I became a hunter to find The Shade, exact revenge on the insane vampire bitch who ruined my life and try and get Sofia back. So far, there has been absolutely no progress in finding the island.”

“These things take time, Ben…you can’t just up and quit so soon. Give it time.”

“It’s not just that…” I clutched the armrests of the first class leather recliner I was seated on as I began to shake my head. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“Kill…devote my life to just killing vampires…it’s not like I thought it would be.”

Zinnia stared at me. I knew she was trying to understand what I was saying, but I doubted she ever would. “Have you talked to Reuben about this?”

“Of course not.”

“You’re too much of an asset to the hunters, Ben. I don’t think he’s going to be thrilled about you leaving…are you sure this is what you want?”

I want to turn back time. That’s what I want. I want to go back to the time when there never was a Derek Novak in our lives and Sofia only had eyes for me. I want to go back to her seventeenth birthday and treat her the way I should’ve—like she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever laid eyes on, because that’s exactly what she was.

“I don’t know what I want,” I lied to Zinnia, because I was fully aware that what I really wanted could never be.

“Think this through before you do anything you regret.”

Regret. That was all I really felt and I had no idea how to make things right again. For the first time, I actually felt like I truly saw Sofia for what she truly was: a treasure—one that I misused and abused and discarded like it was nothing but trash.

I wondered how she was doing. Is he treating you right? Is he treating you the way I should’ve when you were still mine?

For the rest of the plane ride, Zinnia steered clear of me—something I was grateful for. I lost myself in thoughts of what should’ve been and what could’ve been, in what-ifs and maybes. By the time we landed on the headquarters’ runway, I was in a world of my own. When my feet hit the tarmac, all I could think about was my desire to go home, because being back in California could perhaps make me feel like I was closer to Sofia.

When I reached my suite at the headquarters, I took out my phone and dialed my mother’s number. I knew that they would be asleep at this time of night, but I called anyway. I was answered by my mother, Amelia.

“Hello?” she drowsily greeted.

“Mom?”

“Ben?!” I could immediately hear the mixture of worry, elation and heartbreak in her voice. It was the same tone she had whenever I called to check on them.

“Yeah…how are you doing?”

“We’re doing fine. Abby’s joined the girl scouts and your father got promoted, but we’re missing you, Ben…don’t you have any plans to visit? Are you staying well?” As far as my parents were concerned, I’d taken up military training.

Due to Reuben’s long-term friendship with my father, Lyle, it was easy for him to convince him that I was in some sort of special training program for the government.

“I’m fine, Mom. It’s been fun, but I’ve been missing you guys too. I’m hoping my superiors will allow me to leave so I can visit you soon.”