A Castle of Sand (A Shade of Vampire #3)(24)

I couldn’t look into her eyes. I knew that she loved me. She’d told me many times before. More than that, she’d shown me in more ways than one that I meant more to her than she did to me. I could still remember how she broke into tears when I told her that I wanted to end it all. I wanted to escape The Shade and all the memories that came with it.

“You can’t leave me here,” she sobbed.

“I’m sorry” was all I managed to say. She was my best friend and, other than Vivienne, she was the most important woman in my life, but I couldn’t stay. Not for her, not for Vivienne. I couldn’t bear the guilt anymore—the price I had paid in order to make The Shade what it was, was simply far too high. I couldn’t live with myself, yet the thought of dying left me terrified.

“You have no idea how hard it is to have someone you love leave you this way.”

The strongest woman I’d ever known was sobbing right in front of me, a broken, beautiful being I had no idea how to console. She did everything to convince me not to push through with it. She tried to make me see reason, tried desperately to make me realize that there was still something worth living for, but I had made my decision.

Thus, we stood there that night, with me entrusting my entire life into her hands. Though she fought tooth and nail against my decision to escape to deep slumber, I knew that she would never do anything to harm me and that she would be true to her word that my sleep would last for eternity, without dreams or nightmares to contend with. Just peace.

I never expected her to go back on her promise, because even though no harm did come my way and though the sleep was as peaceful as any slumber could be, I found myself awake four centuries later, madly in love with a girl I feared I would someday lose—the same way Cora lost me.

Sofia clung to my arm and this motion snapped me out of my memories. My stomach twisted into a tight knot when I realized that Ashley was already lying on the stone slab. As she usually did, Corrine stood nearby—overseeing the ceremony, making sure that no harm would befall the human being turned. This used to be Cora’s role. I found myself missing my best friend, but knew that she was long gone. The thought added another weight to my already heavily burdened chest.

I could sense Sofia’s slender form tremble next to mine as Kyle approached Ashley.

“This is going to hurt a bit…” Kyle’s croaked.

“It’s ok.” Ashley gave me a half-amused, sideways glance. “I’ve been bitten before.”

It was obvious from the tone of her voice that she was trying to make light of the situation, but the tremble that came with her words made it clear how nervous she was.

Who could blame her? This decision of hers will change her life in more ways than she can imagine. I stared sadly at the annoying little twerp that was Ashley and truly felt sorry for her. Kyle gently brushed strands of her hair away from her neck. Light scars were still present on her skin—my bite marks.

I carefully studied Kyle as he lifted Ashley up into a sitting position. Every move he made was gentle and was meant to keep the young beauty at ease. I could almost see the horrifying memories of the day he was turned flash behind his eyes.

“I can’t believe she’s really doing this…” Sofia muttered in a low voice that wasn’t meant to be heard, but she was close enough for my sensitive ears to hear.

I caught a glimpse of how tightly Ashley was holding onto Kyle’s arms, her knuckles turning white as she did. Sam stood in the background, nervously shuffling on his feet, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. We all cared deeply for Ashley. To see her go through what we went through seemed a cruel thing to do—even if it was she who made the choice for herself.

Why am I even allowing this?

“Wait.” I stepped forward just before Kyle was about to position himself to bite her.

I heard a sigh of relief escape Sofia’s lips and my heart broke along with it. Still, I had to stop myself from being so selfish. It dawned on me at that moment that the only reason I was allowing Ashley to go through with this was because I was hoping Sofia would see for herself that being a vampire wasn’t all that bad. After all, if Ashley could do it, why couldn’t she?

You’re the most selfish man in the planet, Novak.

“I want to have a private word with Ashley.”

“Derek, I’ve told you hundreds of times…I want this.”

“I still own you, Ashley. Kyle doesn’t get to turn you until I say so. Come with me.”

A tense silence followed as Kyle helped Ashley off the slab and she gingerly made her way toward me—not bothering to hide her annoyance. I grabbed Ashley by the elbow and dragged her out of the hall. Sofia motioned to follow.

“Stay there, Sofia.”

Ashley was fighting against my grasp. “You don’t own me, Derek. This is my choice. You can’t keep me from doing this. You gave us this choice and I’ve already made my decision.”

“You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, Ashley. No idea,” I emphasized, unable to hide my exasperation that we had to have this conversation while the others were still around.

“I don’t care. I want this.”

Stubborn teenager… “No,” I said through gritted teeth. “I don’t think you do.”

“Maybe you should listen to him, Ash…” Sam offered hesitantly.