he: A Novel(64)

Just don’t let this become any worse, Babe says.

– I’m broke, divorced, on strike, and living with the wrong woman. If anyone makes things worse, it’ll be Hal. I don’t have it in me.

But he is, of course, mistaken.





122


Hal Roach is informed of it by Louella Parsons, but Hal Roach lends it no credence until the story appears in the newspapers the next day.

Jesus Christ, Hal Roach says, he’s gone crazy.

Babe hears about it in a telephone call from Mexico. Babe calls Ben Shipman.

Ben Shipman reaches for the Bromo-Seltzer.

Later, he will admit to Ben Shipman that his judgment may have been impaired by alcohol and depression, which will lead Ben Shipman to inquire:

– How much alcohol, and how depressed? Because it must have taken a hell of a lot of both.

This is what he does:

His threats of departure to Europe have not brought him any closer to Lois.

His letters have not brought him any closer to Lois.

His phone calls have not brought him any closer to Lois.

So he decides that his only recourse is to marry Ruth, thus causing Lois to relent, at which point he can leave Ruth and remarry Lois before the original divorce is made final. At least, he believes this may have been the logic behind the endeavor. Then again, he may just have decided to hell with it, and figured that at least being married to someone might restore a sense of order to his life. The fact that Ruth, after one argument too many, is no longer living with him does not impact in any way on this decision. It is simply a spur, accentuating the urgency of addressing the current impasse in order to prove to Lois that another woman desires him enough to marry him, and therefore Lois should renew her claim on him as quickly as possible lest he settle down with this other woman and begin conceiving more children.

And if Lois remains resolute, then he will have Ruth to fall back on instead. Ruth is no bad deal, even if Ruth is not Lois.

On the morning of April 3rd, 1935, he telephones Ruth and proposes to her. Ruth accepts. He urges her to pack a bag, and informs Baldy and Alice Cooke that their services will be required, and therefore they also should pack a bag. Then he, Ruth, Baldy and Alice are driven to the station, where they catch a train to Tijuana, Mexico. He rents two adjoining rooms, calls a justice of the peace, and by nightfall on the same day he and Ruth are married. They enjoy a short honeymoon before returning to Los Angeles to accept the congratulations of family and friends.

Except the last part doesn’t quite work out that way, because Ben Shipman is waiting for him at the station, and upon arrival takes him aside with no small amount of force, dragging him into a corner away from the flashbulbs and the reporters.

What do you think you’re doing? Ben Shipman asks.

– I got married.

– You’re not allowed to get married. Your divorce isn’t final.

– That’s why I got married in Mexico.

– The state of California doesn’t care if you got married on the moon. The law stipulates that you may not live in wedlock in California until your final decree is issued.

– So we won’t live together until then.

– But you were already living together before you left.

– We were chaperoned, and nobody was paying much attention anyway.

– Well, they’re certainly paying attention now. And by the way: the last time we spoke, you told me you wanted to get back with Lois. How helpful do you think your latest actions might be in securing such a happy outcome?

He has been drinking champagne on the train, so his reactions are duller than he might wish. He had been planning to explain his reasoning to Ben Shipman upon his return, but the requisite faculties desert him now that he is faced with the lawyer in the flesh. He needs a clear head if he is to discuss matters of such import.

I’ll come by tomorrow, he tells Ben Shipman. We’ll talk then.

And Ben Shipman replies:

– I can hardly wait.

He is hungover when Hal Roach calls him first thing the next morning. They have not spoken since the beginning of their dispute. Hal Roach has already been forced to postpone Babes in Toyland once, and will soon have to do so again. By this point, Hal Roach would like to fire him and have done with it, but he still brings in a lot of money for Hal Roach, whatever the accounts might state to the contrary, and MGM does not want to make Babes in Toyland with Wallace Beery and Raymond Hutton. MGM wants to make it with Babe Hardy and this man.

Or MGM did until he decided to marry his girlfriend in Mexico while still technically wedded to his first wife. Babes in Toyland is meant to bring in kids as well as adults, and Mexican marriages are not compatible with family entertainment. The reputation of Hal Roach and his studio rests on his stars, and their behavior, good or bad, reflects on Hal Roach.

Hal Roach does not engage him in conversation. Hal Roach talks at him, and then, just to be certain that the message has got through, Hal Roach talks at him some more.

– I don’t approve of how you’re leading your life. You’re jeopardizing your good name and your livelihood, and you’re jepardizing the good name and livelihood of everyone who works on your pictures, including Babe Hardy.

I believe that you were wrong to leave Lois, and I’ve done everything in my power to effect a reconciliation. I’ve even talked her down over this alimony business, because God forbid she goes back to the judge and accuses you of reneging on your legal obligations, especially now that your health appears to have recovered sufficiently to enable you to get married in Tijuana. If you’re well enough to marry, you’re well enough to work, and if you’re well enough to work, you can make your alimony payments.