You're to Blame(32)

“Relax, Charlotte.” He pats the space beside him and offers me ice cream and a spoon. “Although, if you want to dip me in ice cream and lick it off, I can’t say I’d be opposed.”

I cover my face. The second I dare look at him, my cheeks will flush an embarrassing shade of pink Crayola hasn’t discovered yet. Hoping to keep busy long enough to collect my thoughts, I scan the shelf for a movie to watch.

“What are you into?” The sweet scent of vanilla hits me at the same time warmth blankets my back. Damn, he moves quiet. How is he already behind me?

“What about this one?” He reaches past me and grabs The Conjuring.

Oh hell no. I’m not watching a scary movie with this guy.

“That’s fine.” So much for holding my ground. I open the case and slide the DVD into the player, slowly backing up until my knees hit the mattress.

Duke’s legs lay straight in front of him, and the ice cream carton sits on his lap. He slowly spoons each bite into his mouth, watching the opening credits while I watch him.

Almost forty-five minutes into the movie, he reaches across me for the remote and pauses the movie.

“You all right over there?” He releases an amused, sexy laugh, and I jerk one of my throws over my lap, needing a distraction.

“I don’t like scary movies,” I admit, tugging the blanket close to my chin.

Duke stands and walks to my DVD collection. His eyes scan the shelves, and I know what he sees.

“You have an awful lot of scary movies to not like them, Char.” Bingo. There it is. The second I admitted that, I knew he’d see the contradiction. “Why do you have so many if you hate them?”

“I buy them, intending to watch them, hoping to break myself of the fear. It’s irrational fear, but it’s a fear nonetheless. So, I convinced myself that if I bought them, then I’d watch them and realize they’re just movies and not things that can actually happen.” How embarrassing is this? I scrape the melted ice cream at the bottom.

“Reality can be scarier than these movies,” Duke whispers, taking the container from me and setting it on the floor. When he’s back on the bed, he watches me. “What else scares you?”

“Disappointing people.” Like word vomit, I spew out the first thing that comes to mind. It’s the truth, though. I hate to think someone sees less than perfection in me. This problem is the reason I’m in the middle of my current situation.

“You can’t live your life like that. Making others happy is an impossible task, and you’ll spend a lifetime trying, but you’ll always come up short.” Duke’s voice is full of conviction. He’s clearly speaking from experience.

“What scares you, Duke?” This is something I’m curious about. He walks through life like nothing can bother him, but there’s more to him than the hard exterior he shows everyone.

“Mediocracy.” His answer surprises me. His head bows, and he tightens his fists, struggling with admitting such a thing.

“I’d love to give you some sort of magical response like you gave me, but I don’t have anything. I think mediocracy is a normal fear for most people, though, so you aren’t alone.” Heat pulses between us as my hand lands on his knee.

“Growing up the way I did, exceptionalism was the beacon I was pushed towards. I did all right in school, but just enough to get by. I think I did it to piss off my parents more than anything. Have you ever known you could do better, but didn’t?” He leans back against my headboard.

For a split second, I think about how natural it is to sit on my bed, watching a movie and talking with Duke about what scares us most. This should feel weird. I’ve never done anything like this with anyone besides Jacob. Moments of honesty are sometimes hard to come by, but I appreciate it more because it’s with Duke.

“I know what you mean. Sometimes I don’t feel like I do enough for other people,” I confess. He flexes his knee, and I squeeze. If I’m being honest with myself, touching him makes me feel connected in more ways than one.

“This coming from the girl who spends every waking moment at the hospital.” Duke scoffs, unamused.

“I’m not at the hospital right now, am I?” I counter his remark. I’m not at the hospital right now. Reality sets in as I realize I haven’t even thought about Jacob all day.

Duke slides from the bed, making my hand slip away from his warmth. I wish I didn’t miss the feeling as much as I do.

“I better go.” His smile wavers. “I have some things to do today.” Liar. He’s not furious, but something has rattled him. He turns to leave.

“Duke.” The muscles in his back stiffen. “You’ll never be mediocre.” My breath hitches when he turns on his heel and faces me with wide, hopeful eyes.

“You of all people could never disappoint anyone, Charlotte.” He leaves, and my room feels smaller and lonelier than usual.

I listen as he says goodbye to Rachel. When the front door shuts, my best friend runs into my room.

“Did you lick ice cream off each other or what? Give me the dirty details.” Rachel bounces on her heels, excited for any information I’m willing to share.

“I like him,” I exclaim, angry with myself.

Admitting this isn’t easy. I’m not sure I want to like him, but sometimes you have to muscle up the truth. He’s easy to be around, and I find myself wanting him close. The easiness of our friendship is a relief in the middle of the current chaos.