You Will Be Mine (Forever and Ever #7)(62)

I felt like I was in a permanent fog. My mind was always hazy, and I couldn’t think straight. Sometimes my heart beat so low I thought it would stop. Never in my life had I known pain like this. It was agonizing.

And when I thought about how much I hurt Cayson, I felt worse.

He obviously bounced back quicker than I had because he was angry. All I had was self-loathing and pity.

My favorite place in my apartment was the floor. I leaned my head against the ice-cold window and it helped me clear my thoughts. Trinity was usually with me, but I forgot about her most of the time. Days and hours blended together so time had no real meaning. I just existed, without a purpose.

“I made soup.” Trinity set it on the table. “You should come eat.”

“Not hungry,” I whispered.

“It’s really good.” She tried to entice me into eating every day.

“You can go, Trinity. You don’t have to stay with me…”

“Girl, I want to stay,” she said firmly. “I’d just wish you would eat.”

“Not hungry,” I repeated.

A loud knock on the door made me flinch. It was aggressive and powerful.

Trinity flinched too.

I didn’t look at the door. I knew it would be my parents or Slade. No one else came to see me. My brother came a few times with snacks, but I didn’t want him to see me like this. I just wanted to suffer in silence and look out the window like a cat.

Trinity answered the door but she didn’t speak.

I still didn’t turn around to look.

When the door slammed closed, I flinched again. My head snapped and I looked to see who was causing such a raucous in my silent home.

Cayson stood there, looking at me like he might kill me. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes burned in blue fire. His arms were by his sides, but his fists were clenched tightly.

I didn’t know if he real or not.

Was I dreaming this?

He came closer to me, the anger still on his face. He eyed me like I was a nuisance, someone he despised.

I was actually scared. “Cayson?”

He ground his teeth together, his eyes bulging.

When I searched for Trinity, she was gone.

Whenever Cayson came to me in my dreams, it was always in a romantic way. He moved his fingers through my hair and kissed me gently. Words of comfort and devotion were whispered.

I never dreamt of Cayson like this, angry enough to strangle me.

I held onto the wall then pulled myself up. I was weak and tired. My hair was oily and in disarray. My clothes were baggy and old. I hadn’t washed them in almost a week. My joints hurt from sitting still all day.

When I looked at him, he seemed different. He was more fit and tone. His size was smaller, but he seemed to be in better shape. The veins on his hands and forearms were more prominent. They bulged every time he clenched his hands.

“Cayson?” I repeated. My voice contained my weakness. I still couldn’t believe he was really there.

He came closer to me, his anger rising. “How could you do that to me?” Each word was painful to speak. His eyes burned then moistened while he looked at me. His body shook like he couldn’t contain everything he was feeling.

Speechless, I stared at him.

He came closer to me. “How. Could. You.”

I shook under the threat in his eyes. I’d seen him angry before, but it was nothing like this. He was uncontrollable, so upset he could rip me apart, limb-by-limb.

My lips quivered but no words came out.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through?” His eyes bored into mine, searching my face like he didn’t recognize it.

I crossed my arms over my chest, unsure what else to do.

“Do you?” he yelled. “DO YOU?”

I stepped back, frightened of Cayson for the first time in my life.

“Let me tell you.” Spit was flying from his mouth because was so upset. “Every day, it’s been hard to breathe. Every day, it’s been pure agony. When I closed my eyes, I only dreamt of you. But they weren’t the kind that I love. They were nightmares, full of you fucking some other guy.”

I flinched at his profanity.

“And reality was even worse. Do you have any idea how much it hurt to think you were with someone else? That you threw me away for a night of lust? I’ve carried that with me every single day. And now I find out I was put through that hell because you lied about it? It was all for nothing?” He stared at me like he wanted me to argue, to find a rebuttal. “This hurts way more, Skye. A lot more.”

My lips quivered and tears started to fall.

“You think I feel any sympathy for you after what you did to me? You think sitting in your mansion in solitude makes me pity you? You think I give a damn how you feel? What the hell is wrong with you? How could you lie to me like that? And what’s even worse, you never planned on telling me the truth. You were going to make me believe a lie. You were going to make me regret ever loving you. That’s a betrayal I’ll never forgive you for.”

I stepped back, feeling his blade pierce my stomach. He ripped my insides apart, making me bleed until there was nothing left.

He shook his head while he stared at me. “You have no right to manipulate me like that. I was perfectly fine staying here in New York. What’s the point of me going to Stanford when I’m absolutely miserable anyway? I understand that you’re ambitious and always have been, but a job is just a job. I’ll find something else. I’ll go to a different school. I’ll work somewhere else. But you can’t be replaced.”