You Can't Catch Me(17)

Then I heard his voice.

“You were alone,” Liam says now in the car.

“Well, that’s crushing.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

We pass a field of cows. The smell of their manure tickles my nose. “What, then?”

“I went to that farmers’ market every weekend that summer, waiting for a chance to speak to you. But you were never alone.”

“Travel in twos,” I say in a monotone. “It keeps away the blues.”

“That’s the worst Toddism ever.”

“Right? Anyway, I was alone this time?”

“You were. I watched you get out of the van, and you made a beeline for the tomato stand. So, I took a chance, and it worked out.”

“Why me, though? Why not the others?”

“You were someone I could save.”

He’s holding something back, I know, but I decide to let it lie.

“You were brave,” he says. “You are still.”

“I hope so.”

Now we’re going through one of those granite canyons they carved out when they built the highway. Water runs down the rocks, and it smells like the beginning of time.

“I never asked you—why were you so hell-bent on saving people from the LOT in the first place? I mean, saving people is kind of your thing, but there are so many choices.”

“You remember my cousin, Aaron?”

I sit back in my seat. “Not that well, to be honest. They kept the boys and the girls pretty separate, even in the Upper Camp. And his parents were very close to Todd, like Covington’s parents. He didn’t have to spend much time up there with us.”

In truth, many of us kind of hated Aaron, or the idea of him at least. He’d seemed too pious, so devoted to the cause. There was speculation that Todd was grooming him to be his second in command and eventual successor, though the idea of the Land of Todd after Todd wasn’t ever something that was discussed. Because Todd was going to live forever.

So said Todd.

“He was never the same after I helped get him and his parents out of there.”

“What happened between them and Todd, anyway? They were so tight with him.”

Liam grips the wheel harder, like he’s trying to strangle it. “Todd . . . wasn’t right.”

“We all knew that.”

“I mean, he wasn’t right with Aaron.”

Despite everything I went through, this shocks me. “I didn’t know.”

“I’ve never told anyone. Todd destroyed that kid.” His voice is tight and filled with emotion, like mine gets when I’m on the verge of tears. I’ve never seen Liam even come close to crying, though. My hatred of Todd deepens, and I’m so glad he’s dead, it feels wrong.

He clears his throat. “Anyway, when my aunt and uncle found out, they knew they had to get Aaron away from there. So, they found a way to contact me and I came to get them. Afterward, I worked with Aaron, trying to help him get back on his feet. He had this . . . not quite a list, but other kids that he’d talk about. Kids he thought Todd liked too much. I couldn’t let anyone else go through that.”

“Was I on the list?” I ask.

“Yes.”

The cheese crackers I ate earlier rise like bile in my throat. Even though I knew about Todd’s plans for me, there’s something worse about knowing that others could see it too. That I didn’t only imagine that my parents had turned the other way. That everyone in the LOT had.

“So, you were looking for me.”

“Yes, but Aaron’s descriptions weren’t much to go on. Pretty girl with light-brown hair—that applied to more than one of you.”

It was true that there was a bland sameness to many of us, especially those of us who were related. By the end, more than half of us were tied by blood in some way or another. Aaron was different, though. He looked like the movie-star version of Liam, and those good looks were part of the reason we hated him.

“How come Aaron has never hung out with the rest of us survivors?”

“He didn’t make it.”

My own selfishness sickens me. How did I not know this? How could I never have asked before? I turn back to the open window. If I breathe deeply enough and concentrate on a single point, I may not puke.

“I’m sorry, Liam. And I feel like a complete shit for never asking you about it until now.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.”

I reach out and place my hand over his on the gearshift. I squeeze it hard, then release.

“He couldn’t take it out here in the real world, but you did. Cov, Miller, and Daisy did. The others.”

“You saved a lot of us.”

“Not enough.”

That’s how I feel also, but I don’t blame Liam for that. I search for the words to comfort him, to change the mood back to what it was a couple of hours ago when we first left the confines of New York and all there was in front of us was possibilities. But before I can put the words together, my phone buzzes.

I take it out of my bag. Jessie’s written me back on Facebook. I open the message.

I heard you were asking about me. What’s this about?

My fingers tingle in excitement as I tap out a reply. Did you get my DM? Can I come see you?