Worth It (Forbidden Men, #6)(62)

I’m not even sure what thoughts rattled through my brain. I felt like a numb piece of brittle wood that could shatter at any moment.

Movement from the inside of Pick’s apartment had me straightening my back and wiping at my face as I drew in a deep breath. Then the door came open.

Pick’s hair was a mess. He rubbed at his bleary eyes and added a yawn to it as he stretched. The sleepy, just crawled out of bed look kicked ass on him, but I couldn’t even appreciate the splendid male scenery.

Yeah, that’s how rattled and messed up my brain was.

When he saw me, he dropped his hand. “Felicity. Christ, woman, I have been trying to reach you for days.” He grabbed my elbow and tugged me inside the apartment. “I called your phone but it was dead. Went by your apartment, but—”

“Yeah, I don’t live there anymore.”

He blew out a tired breath. “So I learned. When Noel mentioned you were staying with them, I stopped by the Gamble house last night, but the boys said Aspen had taken you out.”

“She took me to Forbidden,” I said in a wooden voice. “Hoping to help me drink my worries away.”

“Shit,” he breathed, his gaze searching my face. “You know, then.”

“Know what?” I threw up my hands as my voice went high. “That some guy who everyone is calling Knox Parker was just released from prison, only to save Zoey and her new baby’s life and then became the newest bartender at the club where I just happen to work?”

“I tried to tell you. I swear to God, the very day I came across him, you were the first person I tried to contact. Goddamn, you know you’re supposed to notify your boss when you have a change of address, right?”

I scowled. “Well, when I actually get a new address, you’ll be the first person I tell. Okay, boss?”

He sighed and scrubbed his face again. Then he crossed his arms over his chest and inspected my face. “How’re you dealing with all this? You okay?”

“I don’t know. I don’t—” My voice cracked and then wavered and I had to hug myself. “I have no idea what to feel or think, or do. I don’t understand anything. All I know is that stranger last night was not Knox.”

Sympathy filled Pick’s gaze. “Changed a lot, hasn’t he?”

“Changed?” I snorted. “The two aren’t even the same person. They can’t be. How is he even out so soon?”

“I don’t know. He didn’t tell me.”

“Did you ask?”

“No. I didn’t want to push. I was hoping he’d come to trust me enough to tell me himself.”

“Except Knox doesn’t work like that. You have to coax his problems out of him.”

“Honey, I don’t think the Jaws of Life could crack that man open right now.”

My shoulders slumped. “What happened to him, Pick?”

Pulling me to him, he hugged me and sighed into my hair. “My guess is nothing good.”

Tears filled my eyes and I clung to his shirt. “I didn’t even know who he was. The entire night passed, and he didn’t once tell me or do anything to help me remember. When they finally told me his name after he’d left, I tried to follow him, but I swear to God, he hid from me. Why would he hide from me?”

“He’s dealing with a lot of demons right now, and I think you’re the last person he wants to see him fighting them.”

“That’s bullshit.” Gritting my teeth, I jerked out of Pick’s arms to scowl. “I’ve seen him at his worst before, and I was the one to help him work through it. Why doesn’t he know I would help him again?”

“I don’t know, Felicity. It’s been a long time. Maybe he thinks...” Letting me fill in that blank for myself, he shrugged and sent me a helpless look.

But I had no idea what he was suggesting, so I growled. “He thinks what?”

“The first thing he heard about you was that you’d been living with some other guy. After that, why would he assume you two would just pick up where you’d left off?”

I hiccupped out a strange sounding sob, hating that Knox knew I’d moved on...tried to move on...whatever. If he knew I’d lived with someone else, then he surely knew I’d had sex—

Nausea rolled through me.

“He wouldn’t even talk to me,” I choked out. And no wonder. I’d had sex with other men. I hadn’t recognized him when I’d seen him. I’d made fun of his T-shirt, and he’d heard me.

I had to be the worst girlfriend ever.

Wait. Gasping as that word ran through my brain, I realized we’d technically never broken up. He’d been ripped away from me and thrown in jail, and I thought I’d never see him again. But if we’d never really broken up...did that mean we were still together? Was I a cheater?

God, I was worse than Cam.

“What am I going to do, Pick?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know, sweetheart.”

When he opened his mouth as if to offer the best advice in the world, one of his kids toddled into the room.

Julian lit up when he saw me. “Buh buh.” Opening his arms, he hurried forward.

My heart melted at his greeting, so I swept him up and hugged him to me, rubbing my nose against his hair. “Hey, there, handsome man. You’re a sight for sore eyes.”