We Own the Sky(31)

the gherkin

we raced up in the elevator, as fast as a space rocket, and then the doors opened up into a huge glass room and you said it was like stepping out into the sky. and it was jack, it really was, because we could see right across london, as far as the south downs, nearly as far as the sea. we walked around, looking up and down, left and right, like timothy pope with his telescope and i will never forget that day jack for as long as i live. your laugh like chocolate as you danced with the shadows, the tinkle of rain on the glass.





8

I woke early, before sunrise. Anna was turned away from me, her legs tucked up to her chest just like Jack, the cover pulled around her neck. I looked for Jack, but he was not there. He was an early riser and would often creep into our bedroom before we woke, sitting on the floor at the foot of our bed, whispering to himself, ordering and reordering his Pokémon cards.

I went downstairs and sat at the kitchen table with my laptop and started Googling “pleomorphic xanthoastrocytoma.”

“Treatments for childhood brain tumors.”

“Child brain tumor prognosis.” I read National Health Service fact sheets, Wikipedia pages, a long interview with a doctor from the American Brain Tumor Association.

I varied my searches, digging into the third, fourth, fifth pages of results.

Everything I found confirmed what Dr. Kennety had said. They were grade 2

tumors, rare, especially in children. And as the doctor had said, the overall survival rate was high, as much as 90 percent.

I heard the sound of little feet and saw Jack standing at the bottom of the stairs. He looked so young, so lithe in his Spider-Man pajamas. Still sleepy, he climbed into my lap and wrapped his arms and legs around me. I could feel his breath on my neck.

“Daddy, can I have cheese toast?”

“Of course you can.”

“Special cheese toast.”

“Special cheese toast?” I said with mock outrage. “Really? In the morning?

Well, I don’t know about that. What will you give me in return?”

Jack thought about a possible bargain. “I’ll give you a kiss,” he said, smiling.

“Only a kiss. Hmm, anything else?”

Jack looked around him and then ran over to a wicker box of toys. He

rummaged around inside and came back with something clenched tightly in his little fist.

“I’ll give you a present too.” He opened his hand and it was the broken arm of a Transformer.

“Bumble Bee’s arm?”

“Yes.” Jack nodded, and then started laughing.

“It’s a deal. Can I have my kiss now?”

Jack nodded, and as he planted a neat kiss on my face, I heard a small sob, a sharp intake of breath, and saw Anna standing at the bottom of the stairs, her hair still wet from the shower. She quickly turned and went back up the stairs.

“Where’s Mommy gone?”

“To the bathroom.”

“Why?”

“To do a wee-wee probably. Shall we make the special cheese on toast then?

But first, I’m just going to check that Mommy is okay.”

“Can I watch the iPad?”

“Sure, you can.” Jack smiled, took the iPad off the shelf and sat down cross-legged on the sofa.

“But don’t watch those stupid toy videos, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Piggy.”

“Jack. I mean it.”

Upstairs, Anna was in the en suite bathroom, and I could hear the sound of running water.

“Anna?” I said gently through the door.

“Yes,” she said, her voice hoarse, distant. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

I sat and waited for her on the bed. “You okay?” I said, when she emerged and sat down next to me.

She shrugged, her face wet with tears, her eyes red.

“We’re going to get through this,” I said, putting my arms around her.

She nodded and turned away from me, not wanting me to see her tears.

“Really, we are. Remember, 90 percent cure rate,” I said, stroking her back.

“I still can’t believe it,” Anna said. “I couldn’t bear it if something happened to him, I just couldn’t bear it. I just want...” Her words trailed off and she wiped her eyes.

“We’re going to fight it and beat it, okay?” I said. “When Jack’s at the play center, let’s do some more research on the neurosurgeons.”

Anna chewed on her lower lip and shook her head. “I don’t want him going to soft play today,” she said.

“Why?”

Anna looked at me, narrowing her eyes. “We can’t... I don’t want to risk

anything.”

“Anna, have you seen him this morning? He’s charging around downstairs.

We have to carry on as normal.”

Downstairs, I could hear the voice of Ryan from Ryan’s Toys videos on Jack’s iPad.

“I’ve told Emma he can’t go.”

“You spoke to her already?”

“I texted her.”

“You didn’t tell her, did you?”

“No, of course not.”

“But Anna, we have to carry on as if nothing is wrong. For Jack’s sake. I don’t want him to know that he’s ill.”