Walk Through Fire (Chaos, #4)(110)

And he laid it out just as gentle but he also did it straight.

“You hooked your star to an outlaw, baby. You knew it back then. We didn’t discuss it but you can talk ’til you’re blue in the face and you won’t convince me you didn’t know. You loved me. You didn’t give a shit. You loved an outlaw and you took me as I was. That didn’t change except Crank put me in charge of it rather than me just bein’ a soldier. Things started goin’ bad for me and Crank when he took on the girls. It never got better.”

“Chew pimped women?” she forced out.

“There was an * under the decent guy. It was buried deep but it was there. Crank sniffed it out, then pulled it out. Hop was an enforcer for the girls and at Tack’s orders outside the table, he used Hop to get them ready to move on when Tack took over and cut all the girls loose. When Hop started that work, one piece of gash talked to Crank. Crank made a decision about what would be the catalyst to unite all factions in a brotherhood that was broken. Takin’ a brother out was the only way. He ordered that shit, blamed it on an enemy. Tack’s never been stupid, swear to f*ck, he didn’t sleep until he had it solid the hit came from Crank.”

“So who took down Crank?”

He felt his jaw get tight.

Her voice was pitched high when she asked, “You?”

“No clue which bullet did the final deed, seein’ as he took one from every brother’s gun.”

Her body, not relaxed into his, but tense as all f*ck, reared like she was trying to flee.

High held on tight.

“Keely goes to Black’s grave every week, Millie. Years have passed. Every f*ckin’ week.”

She stilled when the tears hit her eyes.

He kept at her in order to get it done.

“They had two boys after you were gone. Both too young to know their dad was solid as a rock. A good man to his core. They can be told that. They’ve been told that. But they’ll never know.”

A tear slid down her cheek.

High kept going.

“Crank picked Black because no matter the split in the Club, Black was the glue. We all felt it. We all knew big shit was coming and the Club might not survive. Only man who held us all together, both sides, even though he’d chosen one, was Black. That was why Crank picked him because he knew we’d all suffer that and bond together for vengeance. He took out a brother, Millie, and that is not okay. But he made that decision pickin’ the best of us. The most decent of us. The most loyal. And that is seriously not okay.”

Her “No” was shaky but at least she said it.

“Now it’s done,” he stated. “We all suffered black marks on our souls doin’ it and gettin’ it done. I’m not proud to say I got more of those marks than most. Not proud to share that Valenzuela knows part of this shit and that’s why he targeted me through you. I was weak. I was hurt and it made me weak. But I’m not gonna hide that because it’s done, because it’s part of me and because you need it all.”

It wasn’t shaky, it was tortured, when she stated, “So it was me who did that to you too.”

“Fuck no,” he clipped, and at the intensity of it, she stared. “Babe, I chose that path. I did. I chose the path that led away from you. You made it so I had no choice but to walk away. You did not make it so I couldn’t go back. I didn’t go back. That was my choice. And it was my choice to do everything I did in between. Every shipment I escorted through town. Every blind eye I turned to Crank’s bullshit. That’s on me. I live with that. It ain’t easy but God’s chosen to keep me breathin’ so I figure He’s got work for me to turn that around and do good. Be a good dad. Get you back and take care a’ you this time. Whatever it is, I’m here to do it. I got His message. And I’m grateful.”

“I don’t know what to do with all this,” she admitted carefully.

“Nothin’ for you to do with it. You hooked up with an outlaw knowin’ you lived the outlaw life and knowin’ your outlaw would keep you safe doin’ it. Still got outlaw in me, Millie. All the brothers do. We use it to keep our family safe now. We patrol a ten-mile area around Ride, around Chaos, and keep it free of whores and dealers. Valenzuela wants that turf. We’re not givin’ it to him. We’re also not takin’ him out. We’re working with the cops to take him down. It’s a new Chaos era you’re back in with, Millie. The future is Joker and Shy and Snapper and Roscoe, and those brothers have been trained by Tack, Hop, Dog, Brick, Pete, and the rehabilitated me. We got one final enemy. We get him gone, we’re good.”

“And what happens when you get another final enemy?” she asked.

“Had years no issues until Valenzuela underestimated Tack,” he told her. “Like I said, you don’t underestimate Tack. He’ll surprise you and not in good ways. And his daughter is married to Shy, his lieutenant. And his son, Rush, is in the Club and Rush wants to clean up the rest of it.”

He slid his fingers through her hair and finished it.

“Watched it happen, Millie. God’s honest truth, even when we were on opposite sides, marveled at it. Took Tack decades. Longer even than when you and me met. But Tack built Chaos strong and tough in the only way any man should be strong and tough. Brotherhood. Loyalty. Family. Nothin’ else matters. It’s why a soldier puts his ass on the line for his country. It’s why a man walks through his house to make sure it’s safe before he goes to bed. It’s the measure of a real man. It’s Chaos.”