Vengeance Aside (Wanted Men 0.5)(45)
“Take my clothes off and I’ll show you affectionate.”
He chuckled. “So ready to make babies.”
“Ugh.” She wriggled free so she could fist the hair above his ears and peer into his face. “You keep mentioning children, so I’m assuming you’re talking a reasonable stretch of time for this relationship you’re insisting on.”
Her need to act deliberately obtuse wasn’t endearing. “Yes,” he said, adopting her practice of using one-word answers.
“And when you get bored of me?”
“I won’t get bored of you.” Ever.
“Won’t get bored. Why? Are you a special species of man that I’ve never heard about before?”
“Yes. I’m one of the rare ones who is loyal to the death to those he loves.”
She scoffed and didn’t say anything for a stretch. She just slid a hand through to pull at the back of his hair before running the tip of her nose up the front of his throat. She inhaled a few times. “Loyal to the death, huh? Are you sure it wasn’t you who sustained the head injury?” The question was a bitchy one, but the warble in her voice said her emotions were once more getting the best of her.
He let it pass and shifted to settle more of his weight on her since she seemed to like feeling the security that came with it. He’d have liked to let his hands start roaming, but something in the air was telling him they were close to a breakthrough.
“Okay. Let’s say for argument’s sake I agree to have your child.”
And there it was.
He was surprised his balls didn’t explode when he felt her shiver beneath him.
“What happens when you don’t want me anymore? Will you kick me out and try to keep my daughter?”
His triumphant smile fucked off as the air left his lungs in a soft whoosh. “Our daughter,” he corrected without thinking. Goddammit, he felt a burn beneath his lids. “No, yagodka. I would never separate our child from her mother. You will remain here and raise her with me.” Raise them, he corrected silently. “Always.”
She let her head fall to the mattress and nodded without looking at him. “Always. How many children are we talking about?”
“I would like three or four, but that is something we will decide together.”
Her eyes fluttered closed but didn’t stay like that. “Three or four. Three or four babies.” There was so much turmoil in their depths when she finally looked at him that he almost commanded her to open her fucking mouth and tell him where it stemmed from. But then she said, “And you want to marry me.”
“Tonight, if I can arrange it.”
“Tonight.”
“Were you a parrot in a former life, Magdalena?”
“Maybe. So what happens if I give birth to your child and he or she doesn’t have the qualities and characteristics you like. Will you shun him or her and try again?”
That’s when his patience with her disappeared. He surged to his feet, bringing her with him, and all but dragged her to the full-length mirror in the corner. “Do you see that? Do you see us? Me?”
“Yes.” Her chin was up high, but her voice came out small.
“Do I look like the kind of man who would shun his child? Look at me!”
She was.
“From what you know of me, is that truly a question you can ask?”
She turned, and her imploring look begged him to understand. “That’s my point. I don’t know you, Lukas. And I don’t want to. In all honesty, I’d kill to have your baby, but that’s because I just want a baby. Not all this other shit. But I know that isn’t going to happen, so it’s back to me not knowing you well enough to feel I can do this with you. I have no idea what your favorite ice cream flavor is much less what you’d do if we had a diagnostic test done and it came back positive, which could indicate something might be wrong with our baby. Would you make me have an abortion to avoid having a child with a disability?” She placed her hands over his slamming heart and shook her head. “I don’t want to know that you would or wouldn’t. I don’t even want to know how you react when you’re stuck in traffic and late for an appointment. I don’t want to know how you treat wait staff or the guy behind the register at a grocery store. What if you’re a stuck-up, arrogant prick, and I have to stand there dying of shame while you shit on them because you think they’re below you?”
She talked faster and faster as she finally allowed him to learn some of her fears while revealing more and more about herself.
“What if you hate Christmas? It’s my favorite holiday. What if Valentine’s Day is your favorite? I fucking hate it. What if you hate the beach? I live for the water. Or cats? What if you’re cruel to them? I love them even though they’re hurtful little fuckers because they don’t love us back. What if you get up early in the mornings to work out, and I feel like I have to join you or I’ll look lazy? I hate getting up early, which is another reason I work at a place that’s open most of the night. What if you don’t get my jokes? What if yours are stupid? What if you snore and it annoys me? What if you treat Samuel like shit and I begin to hate you for it? What if you leave me alone a lot? I hate being alone. What if you end up being one of those fathers who can’t stand hearing their child cry, and I have to take in all of that emotion every day all day and it drives me insane because I might have postpartum and you’ll be off bullying the world while I try not to shake my poor innocent little baby for something she’s doing because she just wants to feel loved. What if—”