Until You Loved Me (Silver Springs #3)(92)

“I don’t. I’ve never met a Ryan who’s in an unfortunate situation. Ryans always seem to have everything. Ryan Gosling. Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Seacrest. Ryan Tedder.”

“Who’s Ryan Tedder?”

He chuckled to himself, somewhat surprised she hadn’t asked who the other Ryans were, too. “Lead singer for One Republic.”

“Oh. A band. But I was hoping to use a name that’s more...unique. What about Cameron? Or, even better, Garrison?”

“Garrison King sounds good. Or there’s Guido. I’ve never met a Guido outside the movies. That should be unique.”

“Are you kidding?” she asked with a tinge of panic.

He laughed. “Yes.”

“Whew! I’m happy to have your input, but whatever you do, don’t choose Guido. That sounds like a member of the mafia.”

“We’ll talk about it later,” he responded as he found her mouth. “You’re all I can think about right now.”

Her hands delved into his hair as she parted her lips. This was much better than the way they’d spent most other nights since she’d arrived. He should’ve carried her into his room long ago—and made love to her whenever she’d let him. The past six weeks suddenly seemed like such a waste of effort, trying not to love her. It felt good to give in to what he’d been feeling all along.

“You like California, don’t you?” he asked as he kissed his way along her jawline. “You like living here with me?”

She took his face between her hands. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re not suddenly going to tell me you’re moving back to Miami? I can count on you being here at least until the baby turns six months, like we agreed? I have that long?”

“Hudson, I’m not going anywhere—not without you.”

He watched her face as he spread her legs and pressed inside her. When she closed her eyes and arched her back as if their joining, especially in this moment, meant every bit as much to her as to him, he began to thrust with a possessiveness he’d never allowed himself to feel before. “This is where you’ll sleep from now on,” he told her.

She looked up at him. “What does that mean?”

“It means we’re officially seeing each other. I’m done wanting you while you’re in the next room.”

She gasped as he lowered his mouth to her breast. “Careful. You’re getting awfully close to a commitment,” she teased.

“Whatever it takes,” he muttered. “Just as long as I never lose you.”

*

Ellie had thought she’d been in love with Don—and supposed that was a form of love, too—but it had lacked the ferocity she felt whenever she looked at Hudson, especially while he was sleeping, as he was now. The strength of her emotions overwhelmed and frightened her, made her fear she’d unleashed the dragon that would eventually destroy her. Although Hudson seemed to be doing better, he’d still struggle with the demons of his past. That type of thing didn’t simply disappear.

Would he be able to recover? To put his abandonment issues behind him?

Maybe. Maybe not. She could still lose him to the dark thoughts that haunted him. He could decide to reject her love, to push her away, to insulate himself and make it impossible to feel pain. And if he couldn’t feel pain, he wouldn’t feel anything else, either. That was the thing.

She shifted so she could spoon him. “Don’t let the past destroy what we could have together,” she whispered, but she knew he hadn’t heard her.

*

When Hudson woke, he kept his eyes closed for several minutes so he could savor the feel of Ellie’s soft flesh and breathe in the smell of her silky hair. He’d found the woman he wanted to wake up with every morning. Thank God he’d been able to lower his defenses enough to realize it.

Actually, he hadn’t lowered his defenses. The past six weeks were a testament to that. He’d fought what he was feeling from the beginning, but somehow Ellie had scaled his walls, and she’d done it simply by being herself. She calmed him, grounded him, healed him.

He moved his hand so he could feel his baby.

“You waking up?” she murmured, covering his fingers with hers as they moved over her belly.

“Yeah.”

“Why? Are they expecting you at New Horizons?”

“No. It’s Saturday.” Sometimes he took Aaron or a handful of the other boys shopping, to the movies or out for pizza on the weekend. Or he played table tennis or video games with them in their game room. But he didn’t have anything planned for today—and he was glad. As much as he enjoyed being with Ellie, having her back in his arms, he hadn’t forgotten about Cort Matisson. He had to swab his cheek and get that DNA test sent to Samuel Jones. He also had to call Jones and ask for all the material he’d found on Cort Matisson. Hudson wanted to know everything about Matisson. He also wanted to know whether Julia was as sick as Cort had said and, if so, how he could make the most difference. Maybe she needed more than money; maybe she needed a better doctor, a better caregiver, a better place for her and her children to live. He’d decided he’d help her, but he wanted nothing to do with Cort, was going to make sure Cort didn’t receive anything—not so much as a signed jersey.

Ellie covered a yawn. “So why are you waking up early?”