Unexpected Arrivals(85)
“I can give you my version…although, I think it will raise more questions than it will answer.”
Losing my patience wasn’t going to get us anywhere. “I need you to give me something, please.”
“Okay. Would you like me to start from the beginning?”
“Sure.” I didn’t care where she started.
She held up a finger and went to the kitchen when the timer for the coffee went off. A few minutes later, she returned with two mugs, creamer and sugar, and a carafe. I imagined if she brought the whole pot, she intended to be here a while. When she finished making a cup, she leaned back in the chair, and I felt like I was listening to Sophia from The Golden Girls tell me a story about Sicily.
“I wasn’t a very good mother to Joey. I tried. I meant well. It was just a different time, and I allowed my life to be dictated by your grandfather. Don’t get me wrong—he wasn’t a bad person; he just had an image to uphold, and certain things were expected of him being a Chase. The name comes with a lot of responsibility, Cora.”
I rolled my eyes, having heard this same song and dance from my father. Not because he believed it, but rather because my grandparents had.
“Even when I was home—which wasn’t a lot due to my obligations to charities and women’s organizations—I wasn’t very present in your dad’s life. We had nannies who did the things mothers should. I didn’t know any different—it’s all I witnessed growing up. And by the time your dad graduated, we didn’t have the type of bond that kept him coming home every chance he got. And that was my fault, not his.”
So far, I hadn’t learned anything I wasn’t already aware of. “So why not fix it?”
“I didn’t think much about it when he was in college. Your grandfather convinced me it was all part and parcel for a man when leaving the nest. He didn’t need his mother coddling him. After graduation, I tried to reconnect with him. We still spent some holidays together. By that point, he and your mother were close to marriage and split their free time between her family and ours.”
She broke to take a sip of her coffee.
“Your mother was brilliant, smart as a whip. There was no doubt she’d go far; I just didn’t realize they’d end up in New York. Not that any of that mattered. I had a hard time trying to connect when they were so far away, and your grandfather thought I was coddling Joey by attempting to strengthen the tie. ‘Cut the cord, Gwynnie.’ I can’t tell you how many times I heard that from Owen.” She seemed lost in a time she hadn’t thought about in ages.
I just stared at her, waiting for her to get to the point.
“It’s hard to start being a mother when your son is in his twenties, Cora. And while your dad was never unkind, it was clear that he’d started his own life, one I wasn’t an important part of. I kept trying. I called, sent cards, presents. At first, they were received and reciprocated. It wasn’t until your mom found out she was pregnant with you that so much changed.”
And there it was. My mother and I were the reason for the separation from her son. At least the final separation. “I just don’t understand. If you longed for this relationship with him, then why didn’t you try to have it with me when you had the chance?”
“I had made commitments I believed I couldn’t get out of that coincided with your parents’ death. Plain and simple, I made the wrong choice. At the time, I was heavily involved in the Huntington Foundation, and Chelsea’s mom, Janie, was already showing symptoms. I didn’t know how to be there for you without letting someone I’d loved like my own down.”
“But I was your own.”
“In a lot of ways, so was she. Cora, I admit I didn’t handle things properly. I made mistakes. But it was never because I didn’t love you—”
“No. Just that you loved someone else more.” I set my cup on the coffee table. “I shouldn’t have come here. I don’t know what I had hoped to resolve.” My voice remained calm and steady. If I stayed any longer, my emotions would get the best of me, and I wouldn’t be able to restrain myself.
She leaned forward and put her hand on mine. “Please don’t go. I can’t take any of it back, although I desperately hope to fix whatever we have going forward.”
I looked at the pictures she had around the house. It was hard not to notice that the few of my dad stopped in his late teens, and there were more of Legend—and the girl I assumed was Chelsea—than anyone else, including my grandfather. There wasn’t a single one of me.
“It’s like he ceased to exist in your world when he left Geneva Key. Funny how that happens, huh?” My heart tore in two at the thought of my dad experiencing this same pain with her. I’d never had anything other than loving parents, and having an absent grandparent was completely different than it being my mom or dad.
My grandmother had begun to cry, but her tears were meaningless. I grabbed my keys and headed for the door. With my fingers wrapped around the handle, I turned to face her again. “I deserved better, Gwendolyn.”
And as I slammed the door behind me, I heard her say, “So did they.”
***
I made it to the end of the driveway before curiosity got the better of me. I shouldn’t care what she’d meant by so did they, yet each step I took got harder as the sentiment echoed in my mind. I stopped and stared at the sky, cursing God for giving me a heart that made me unable to let those three words go.