Uncharted(64)

“I was thinking, tomorrow, we should start collecting wood for a new cabin. Maybe this time we should build it closer to the caves. The beach on that side isn’t as pretty as this one, but it’s definitely more sheltered. If another storm comes, we’ll be safer there.”

Beck is silent.

“Hello?” I wrinkle my nose at him. “Did you hear me?”

“I just don’t think we need to start rebuilding yet. I still think…”

“That help is coming?” I say, voice a bit sharper than I intended. I soften it before adding, “I know you believe someone is on their way as we speak, but maybe it’s time to face reality.”

Brows lifting, he stares at me for a beat. “You’re the one who’s been telling me since day one that I need to have hope. That I need to believe, in spite of the odds, some things actually work out.”

“And you’re the one who told me to stop thinking that way!” I throw back at him. “I believe your exact words were, you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that this story might not have a happy ending.”

“That was before.”

“Before what?” I yell, exasperation bleeding into my tone.

“Before I fell in love with you!” He yells right back. “Before everything changed! Before you taught me that some things are worth fighting for, worth dying for.”

“I don’t…” I shake my head. “I can’t…”

“Violet. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. You haven’t been yourself since that ship washed ashore.”

“I’m fine.”

“You aren’t fine. You’re distant. You’re distracted. You’re even sad. But you’re definitely not fine.” He runs his hands through his hair, at a loss. “The thing is, for the life of me I can’t figure out why. Seems to me, the possibility of getting off this damn rock — the real possibility, not some faint flicker of a mirage on the horizon — should be something you’re a little more invested in.”

I try to conjure a denial, some sort of distraction to keep him from seeing through me to the shameful truth, but it’s too late. He knows me too well. He cares about me too much to let this slide without unearthing the source of my discontent.

“Beck…” I start. Horrifyingly, I can’t get out more than his name before emotion overwhelms me. Burying my face in my hands, tears explode from my eyes. I try to staunch their flow, but it’s no use.

“Shit! Violet!?” A few seconds later, Beck is at my side, his arms sliding around me. His mouth hits my temple. “What’s the matter? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

Hurt.

What an inconsequential word to describe such a feeling.

“No, I’m not hurt,” I murmur.

“Then what is it? Tell me.”

I shake my head. “I can’t.”

“Violet. You can tell me anything. You know that by now.”

Looking up at him with watering eyes, I force out the words that have been haunting me for days. Words that have been tearing my insides to shreds since the instant I spotted that sailboat. Words that claw up my throat and threaten to burst forth every time he turns on that damn radio and starts to pace.

I can’t hold them in any longer.

“I don’t want to go.”

His face flips through a series of expressions so fast I can hardly keep up. Confusion. Rage. Disbelief. Sadness. Shock. Love. When he speaks, his voice is carefully empty.

“What did you say?”

“I said I don’t want to go!” I reach up and dash the tears from my eyes, pulling out of his arms in one violent gesture. “I don’t want to leave the island.”

“How can you say that?” He sounds baffled. “Violet, you’re not thinking straight.”

“I am! I am thinking straight.” I whirl around to face him. “Would it be so bad? Staying here together? Would you hate it so much if this, you and me on this rock, as you called it, was the sum total of the rest of your life? Would you feel just as trapped by me as you did…”

As you did by her.

I see realization click into place. “Oh, Violet. You think, if we’re rescued…”

“It’ll be over.” My voice breaks. “This. Us. As soon as we leave, as soon as we go back… I’m terrified you and me will cease to exist. That there’s no place for us there — not together, at least. So forgive me if I’m not doing cartwheels at the prospect of a ship on that horizon. You may be thrilled beyond belief, but me?” My voice cracks. “The constant thought of losing you hasn’t been a fun way to spend the past few days.”

My voice fades out on a tattered breath, leaving us in total silence. As we stare at each other, listening to the rhythmic crashing of waves, I rack my brain trying to think of a way to bridge this sudden distance.

Before I can open my mouth to try, Beck starts moving. He stalks toward me, closing the gap between us in two long-legged strides, and grabs me firmly by the shoulders. Glaring down into my face, I can see how pissed he is before the first syllables leave his lips.

“That’s what you think of me? Of us? You think what we have will disappear, just because we go back home?” He gives me a small shake. “Haven’t you been listening to a damn thing I’ve said for the past few months?”