Uncharted(38)

Nature provides, she used to say, smiling. We’ve just forgotten how to use the things she offers.

If we were in New Hampshire, it would be as simple as finding a willow tree — making a boiled tea from its bark to reduce his fever, a salve to lessen inflammation. I could use White Pine to treat a cold. Birch for an upset stomach. Comfrey for burns and bruises. Witch hazel as an antiseptic.

I could actually help, instead of sitting on my hands, praying for a miracle.

But here, the plants are as foreign to me as their uses. I have no way of differentiating those which would heal from those that would do more harm. So, I sit on my hands. I watch and wait as Ian’s broken body attempts to put itself back together unaided.

He must be in an unfathomable amount of pain, but he never complains. His short bursts of lucidity are peppered with inappropriate jokes and personal anecdotes. Over the course of our first three days together, I learn more about him than I have about Beck in triple that time — his childhood growing up in Oklahoma, the hometown honey who broke his heart two days after high school graduation, and the flight attendant program he applied for two days after that, lured by the promise of exotic locations and far-flung destinations.

“It started as a way to escape,” he confides as I wipe his forehead with a wet cloth. “When you get your heart broken in a small town, there’s no outrunning the gossip.”

“So you picked a career that would take you as far from home as humanly possible?”

“Pretty much.” He blows a puff of air from his hollow cheeks, gaunt from lack of proper nourishment. He still can’t manage any food without choking. “I thought I’d do it for a few months, see the sights, then go back for my degree. I didn’t expect to love it so much. But the people were nice, the pay was great, and the places I’ve been… amazing.” He glances around the island. “Then again, I certainly didn’t expect I’d end up here when I lit out of town like a firecracker.”

“Trust me, I know the feeling.”

His brows lift.

“The need to get out,” I clarify. “To escape a small town where everyone knows everyone, where the future seems as set in stone as the past. It can be…”

“Suffocating,” Ian finishes.

“Exactly.”

I’m surprised by how much we have in common. At twenty-two, he’s far closer to me in age than the third member of our trio. There’s also the matter of his cheerful disposition and — it must be noted — those charming dimples that flash at me every time I say something even the slightest bit amusing. He never scowls or sneers or mocks me. In his company, I don’t feel like I can’t catch my breath because the air between us is made of sparks and sexual tension. I don’t struggle to control my emotions, or keep myself in check. I don’t worry my heart is going to burst from the confines of my chest and leap into his hands if we get too close.

He’s the anti-Beck. The cure for a poison that’s been slowly killing me.

But if dying is what I’ve been doing…

Why have I never felt so alive?

“So, what were you running from?” Ian asks, pulling me out of my head. “Or, more importantly, who were you running from?”

“Myself, mostly. The girl I didn’t want to be anymore; the woman I didn’t want to become. I knew if I stayed in that little town, I’d wind up stuck there for the rest of my life.”

“Hence the summer in paradise.”

I nod slowly. “I thought, at the very least, I’d see something different. Something exciting, before flying back home and starting classes at the same community college half the kids from my high school attend.” I’m so immersed in my own story, I don’t hear the muffled footfalls approaching from the beach behind me. “I have this crystal clear memory of my graduation — you know that moment, when you stand on the stage and shake the principal’s hand and flip your tassel from one side to the other while the whole crowd claps?”

Ian nods.

“That moment, looking out at everyone I’d ever met cheering my name… I realized I was also looking out at everyone I ever would meet. Ever. That moment, on that stage, was it for me. The apex of my hero’s journey; the climax of my entire life. I’d never do anything more exceptional than cross a stage in a red polyester gown to accept a piece of paper. When I realized that… something inside me snapped.” I suck in a sharp breath, lost in the memories, not realizing I’ve captivated an audience of more than just Ian. “I could see it all laid bare before me, my entire existence stretching out like a jaw-cracking yawn: a timely proposal from my high school boyfriend, Clint, before the ink on our diplomas was dry. Barefoot and pregnant exactly three months after the country-chic wedding I’d plan to perfection with the help of my new mother-in-law, in a backyard barn with a hundred and fifty guests I’d known since birth. Lavender bridesmaid dresses and peony-pink centerpieces. Three pretty babies, with my dark hair and his blue eyes. Poop-filled diapers and high-pitched giggles that would make me laugh, and smile, and occasionally disappear into my room to cry alone after tucking them into bed, weeping into a wine glass for all the things I’d never achieve, all the places I’d never go.”

Abruptly, I snap back into the present, mortified by all I’ve revealed. I was so caught up, I told him far more than I originally planned. I don’t know what came over me. Perhaps it’s just the fact that, after days of monosyllabic grunts, it’s so nice to have someone who’s actually interested in learning more about me than my first name.