Tyler Johnson Was Here(29)

“No, sir.” I flinch and suck in my lower lip.

“That means you have to do it anyway. That means you have to get your act together.” His voice gets louder and heavier, ricocheting around in my ears. “That means you have to put on the face that everything is all right. No missing brother sympathy cards in your hand. You go in there and do whatever it is they tell you to and answer whatever it is they ask and act right so they won’t think I run a complete shit show of a school.”

My head nods. “Yes, sir.” There’s a warmth in my stomach, and my hands are a little clammy.

“That means on Thursday, you’re no longer Marvin Johnson. You’re just another black boy trying to get into MIT.”

And I have no words to say, not even the standard military-style Yes, sir and No, sir I always offer him. I’m all confusion, with the heaviest heart in the universe. I look away, feeling compelled to detach my gaze and stare at the white walls. Guilt is wearing me down because I’m here and Tyler’s out there, still missing. And then, almost without me noticing, my head nods for the final time.

I gather my stuff and shuffle out of his office, feeling like the ultimate cyborg of emotions. Like I’ve been split open in a dozen places and stuffed with darkness.

I run to my next class before the bell rings. The hallways are empty and narrowing and smell kind of sweaty, and yet they still remind me of the infinite sadness running in my blood—these walls closing in on me. I’m glad that I have the chance to interview with MIT, but I’m sad because my interviewing with MIT will do nothing to help Tyler.





After trigonometry with Mrs. Bradford, Ms. Tanner stops me in the hallway, and she has this look on her face like she knows she’s about to be nosy but also wants to just check in, kind of like she deserves to know everything about me ’cause she got me an interview… with MIT.

“Mr. Johnson,” she says, offering a warm and endearing smile. “A word, please?”

Just one is what I really wish I could say. “Sure.” As soon as it slips out, I know I’m being shitty. She’s just trying to help me, but I can’t help but be pissed. I can’t really see past all the pain and sadness of my brother being missing.

“I hope you’re feeling all right.” She exhales, walking closer to me, standing in the doorway of my trig class. “You were out of it in class today, and I just want you to know that I understand everything you’re going through. I’m here for you.”

“Thank you, Ms. Tanner,” I say, looking down at the toes of my shoes.

“And if there’s anything I can do to help, just say the word.” She puts a hand on my shoulder. “May I ask… How are you feeling, really?” Her face spills concern.

“Like I’m trapped in my mind, like my heart has been ripped out and handed to someone else, like…” I stop.

She rubs my shoulder, squeezing. And she frowns like she’s about to break into hysterical tears, but she just stays that way, rubbing my shoulder, then goes in for a hug, whispering, “I am sorry. So, so sorry.”

And all I’m wondering is whether she’s giving sympathy just because it’s her job or because she genuinely cares. Whatever the case may be, I hug her back.

“Also,” she sighs, breaking away and reaching into her yellow bag, “this is something I think you’d be interested in. I’m giving these away only to select students.” It’s a flyer to see a play, The Piano Lesson by August Wilson. “You’ll earn yourself extra credit, and it’ll be good for you. It’s not until later in the year, so you have time to think about it.”

I blink and turn around, looking over the flyer.

She calls after me. “And, Mr. Johnson. Good luck on Thursday.”

I turn back and she winks.





After school, I hurry past where Ivy and G-mo are waiting for me, trying to ignore the hurt on their faces and feeling like shit about it—but I know I can’t face them right now. Seeing them, talking with them, just forces me to face all the hurt I’m trying to keep down. I hop on my bike, which I notice has a flat tire, the metal rim scraping the ground. And I pedal faster, deeper into the hood.

My phone suddenly buzzes in my pocket. I screech my bike to a stop. A random number pops up. I hesitate to answer.

“Hello?” I say in a somewhat raspy voice.

“Hi, uh, it’s me,” a soft voice says.

“Faith?”

“Yeah,” she replies. “I just wanted to apologize for coming off really selfish the other night.”

“No, it’s cool,” I say. “I shouldn’t have put so much on you.”

There’s a quick beat of silence.

“Are you sure Johntae can help you find your brother?”

“He’s the last option I have,” I say.

“I hope you’re right.” She pauses. “Well, are you able to meet me in twenty minutes?”

My eyes widen. “Where? Your place?”

“Yeah.”

I turn the bike around and pedal hard.





? 14 ?


I’m haunted by the bright sun. I really wish it would get the hell out of my face.

When I arrive at Faith’s place, I knock and wait, wrapping my arms around myself.