Two Truths and a Lie(77)
There was a split second of silence, and then Katie’s face took on a new, hard, mean expression, and she said, “Daddy would let me go. And it’s your fault that he’s not here to let me.”
This was the first time in all this time Katie had said that. It was almost like she’d been saving it up, the single arrow in her quiver, and now she’d released it. Sherri took a deep breath and let the pain from the shot settle. She wanted to say, Daddy is the reason you can’t go. She wanted to say, Daddy is the reason we live here, and my hair looks like this, and I’m working as a receptionist. But she couldn’t say any of that, because that wasn’t her job. And however great her own pain was, Madison Miller’s family’s pain was greater, like a screw pushed through a fingernail, again and again, for the rest of their lives.
“Maybe,” she said. “Maybe he would. But he’s not in charge. I’m in charge.”
“Well, I wish he was in charge,” said Katie angrily. “I miss him.” Then, more quietly, “Do you miss him?”
There were a lot of complicated answers to that question. Louise the counselor had said, “Let Katie talk about Bobby on her terms, not yours. She’s going to need that.” Sherri crawled out of the tangled web of her own feelings and said, “Sometimes. What do you miss about him?”
Katie’s face changed again, became softer. “There was the Father-Daughter dance at the club a long time ago, remember?”
Sherri had let herself forget about that, a snippet slipping through her fingers and then gone. “I do,” she said, letting the memory resurface. She’d bought Katie a new dress, bright blue, with a dropped waist and small embroidered flowers in a row over each shoulder. Bobby had worn his best suit. Sherri had done Katie’s hair in a fancy updo with curly tendrils hanging down, and when Bobby had seen her he’d said, “Nobody told me I was lucky enough to take the princess to the ball!” Katie had been six then, with one front tooth missing and the other just starting to grow in, a little stub. Somewhere in the houseful of things they’d left behind was a picture of the two of them before the dance, standing on the porch, Katie’s smile as wide as the day was long.
Katie was now fully absorbed in the recollection. “That dance was so much fun. Daddy was a good dancer. He showed me how to do the tango. Nobody else was doing the tango, but we did. We took up the whole dance floor, and everybody was looking at us. I remember he wore his fancy cologne, and he was the handsomest dad there, and all of the other girls were jealous. Even though they didn’t say it, I could tell. And they served Shirley Temples and these little square cakes that were so small but each one was frosted like a wedding cake.” She sighed. “Are you mad at me for remembering that, now that Daddy is bad?”
“Oh, Katie-kins,” said Sherri. “Of course not. That’s the hard part, that’s the important part. People who do bad things aren’t one hundred percent bad. Hardly anybody is one hundred percent bad. But what Daddy did was so bad, he had to go to jail for it. It’s okay for you to miss him, and to love him anyway.” It took everything Sherri had to say that.
Katie took this in. “Okay,” she said finally. “Okay then.” She sighed again, and this time the sigh carried the weight of the world. “But I still want to go to the fireworks. Please, Mom. Please. I didn’t get invited to Casey’s sleepover and not the Boda Borg party either and I did get invited to this, I don’t want to miss it.” Her lower lip began to tremble.
“What do you mean? What sleepover?”
“Last week.”
“How’d you know about it, then?”
“I saw a picture.” Then in a whisper, “They tagged me.”
“But you weren’t there. Why’d they tag you?”
Katie shrugged, and then Sherri got it.
“Oh, honey,” she said. She opened her arms and Katie went into them. “That was a crappy thing for them to do. I’m sorry.” Sherri breathed in the scent of Katie’s just-washed hair.
“I know we have to be careful, Mom. I get it. But does that mean we can never be normal again? Can we never just, like, go places without worrying?” Her voice broke. “Can I never go to the fireworks?”
Sherri sighed. It sort of did mean Katie should never go to the fireworks. “What about if I go with you? I won’t go with you with you, I’ll just stay nearby. You won’t even know I’m there. I promise.”
“No,” said Katie. “No. Definitely not. The whole point is to go with the girls.” She pushed herself away from Sherri, out of the kitchen, and then Sherri heard her feet go up the stairs.
As soon as Katie was out of earshot, Sherri called Rebecca. Rebecca said all the right things. She said that she was of two minds about it herself; she said that it did get crowded down there, and that the fireworks drew people from all over. And then she said the best thing of all. “I’ll talk to Alexa. And if she’s free, I’ll have her meet up with them and keep an eye on them. Would that help?”
59.
Alexa
Alexa was perusing the Yankee Homecoming sidewalk sales when she got a text from her mother about keeping an eye on Morgan and a bunch of her friends during the fireworks that night. Old Alexa would have politely declined this offer, but this Alexa, the Alexa who was trying on her Nice Big Sister shoes to see if they still fit after a long time in the closet, texted back No problem.