Two Truths and a Lie(102)
Alexa and Rebecca had just settled themselves in their chairs when they saw Morgan flip off her surfboard. They stood as a unit and started toward the water, but before they got there Morgan’s head popped out of a wave. Her board was bobbing beside her and she put one hand on it to steady it. She gave them the shaka sign, which Alexa took to be Surf-ish for I’m okay. They sat back down.
“Morgan is going to be all right,” Alexa told her mother. “She’s more resilient than we give her credit for.”
“You think so?”
“I know it. I’m positive.” The beach was starting to fill up; everybody wanted to get in one last day. “Mom?” said Alexa. “What do you think I should do about—” she couldn’t call him Dad, but Jacob seemed strange too. “About my father,” she said finally. She knew that Rebecca had been in touch with Jacob Thornhill to let him know about what happened the night of Cam’s accident and that Alexa needed some time. Rebecca had all of Jacob’s contact information for when (or if) Alexa was ready, and Alexa still had his card. “He didn’t seem terrible, you know. He seemed—nice. Sweet, even.”
“I believe it,” said Rebecca. “He wasn’t not nice. I loved him for good reasons, a long time ago. He meant well, even when he was sick. But he was really sick for a really long time.”
“So what should I do?”
Her mother’s eyes, behind her sunglasses, were inscrutable. “That’s up to you, Alexa. You’ll be eighteen soon. You’re in charge of your own destiny. No pun intended.”
“But should I call him, when I go out to L.A.? Should I see him?” (There had been talk of a Realtor, after all . . . and beyond that, maybe it would be nice to have a connection, starting out somewhere new. A family connection. Would it? Wouldn’t it?) Alexa watched a black Lab race toward the water after a ball. Dogs weren’t supposed to be on the beach at this time but the Lab looked so happy that Alexa hoped nobody said anything to the owner.
“I can’t decide that for you, Alexa. And even if I could, I wouldn’t know what to say. I mean, do I think you need to be careful, if you get in touch with him? Yes. Unequivocally, I do. I don’t want him to hurt you. Again. I guess I don’t want you to hope for too much.”
Alexa flexed her foot in the sand and examined her toenails. “Because maybe he hasn’t changed as much as he says he has.”
“Right.”
“But maybe he has.”
“Well, sure. Maybe he has. And even if he hasn’t completely changed—” Rebecca took a sip of her coffee. “Even if he hasn’t. Part of growing up is acknowledging not only our own imperfections, but everybody else’s imperfections too. And maybe even forgiving them.” Did Alexa imagine it, or did her mother’s voice catch? Alexa considered her mother’s words. They made sense. And she didn’t have to decide right this minute.
“Anyway,” Rebecca continued, “I’m sure this is a moot point because there’s no way you’re going to move so far away from me. Why would you leave all this?” She waved a hand to indicate the beach, the happy Lab, the surfers.
Alexa snorted. “A hundred reasons. This water is freezing, you can’t even go in for more than three seconds without a wet suit. In California you can go to the beach year-round. And you won’t be alone. You have the Mom Squad! You have Daniel! You have Morgan!”
Sixth grade for Morgan, with lockers and (ugh, poor Morgan) changing for PE for the first time and the springtime overnight trip to Camp Kieve in May. Kids around Morgan would start vaping or being interested in the opposite sex (or the same sex) and life would get confusing and sometimes intolerable for Morgan, the way it did for everybody who had to go through the onerous process of growing up.
Alexa looked down the beach and saw two familiar figures walking toward her: Caitlin and Destiny. She steeled herself. She had hoped that she and her mom and Morgan could pretend they were on vacation somewhere far away, just this once. Just today. Every time she’d seen anyone who knew about her and Cam since Cam’s funeral she had had to endure their awkward condolences, or, worse, their bumbling attempts not to say Cam’s name at all.
Caitlin was wearing a two-piece with a bandeau top which actually looked really good on her, Alexa had to admit, even though she would never in a million years have picked that style for Caitlin. Destiny was wearing a Summer Sessions sweatshirt with the neck cut out, Flashdance style. Alexa was going to leave the jury out on the sweatshirt for a bit longer.
After they said hello Caitlin and Destiny stood there uncomfortably for a minute, looking down on Alexa and her mom. Finally Caitlin crouched on the sand next to Alexa and spoke to her.
“Hey,” she said softly. “I’m really glad we ran into you. I didn’t get a chance to talk to you after everything happened.” She was wearing sunglasses, so Alexa couldn’t see her eyes but her voice sounded shaky, as if she was about to cry. “But I am so, so sorry for what you’re going through. I thought a lot about what you said that night at Haley’s, I really did, and I think I”—she glanced up at Destiny—“We owe you a big apology.” Destiny nodded her agreement.
“Thank you,” said Alexa. And then, truthfully, “That means a lot. It really does.”
There was a pause then, and Rebecca stepped into it and did that mom thing where she made conversation with the girls, asking them if they were excited about college (yes!) and when they were leaving (day after tomorrow!). Alexa zoned out, watching Morgan. Morgan wasn’t exactly setting the surfing world on fire, but every now and then she did catch a legitimate wave, and from this distance she looked almost graceful.