Twisted Cravings (The Camorra Chronicles, #6)(67)

Adamo smiled mirthlessly. “Then why am I still here?”

“I don’t need you to kill them, but I need your support, your encouragement. When you are close, I just feel better, more secure in who I am.”

“You don’t need me but you do,” he murmured.

I sighed. “Maybe it doesn’t make sense.”

“Maybe you just need to admit that you need me. Today you acted out of an impulse, and completely lost control. You didn’t pay attention to what was happening around you. If the same thing happens next time, you’ll need me to make sure nothing happens while you’re in your zone.”

“Like hurting myself.”

“Or someone walking in on you. I doubt you would have noticed if someone had suddenly walked into the hardware store.”

“You’re right. It was as if I was possessed.” I leaned closer to Adamo.

“Okay, I need you, but I don’t want you to think that’s why I want to be with you.”

“Then why do you want to be with me?”

“Why do you want to help me? Why do you do this for a girl you have sex with?”

“You’re not just a girl I have sex with.”

“And you’re not just a guy I have sex with.”

Adamo smiled crookedly. “One day one of us has to be brave and put a name to what we have.”

“Do we?” I whispered. Adamo lay back on the bed and pulled me against him, one arm wrapped around me. “Who’s going to make us?”

“Maybe we’ll want certainty at some point, or maybe eventually our families will want answers, more answers than we have at this point.”

“That’s not something I want to think about now. I want to live in the moment. Right now the only thing I want to focus on is revenge and how we can make every person on the list pay for what they did to me, and other children.”

Adamo ran his hand lightly over my upper arm. “Even if you killed in a rush today, that doesn’t mean you won’t be haunted by nightmares of the murder. Maybe they’ll cease eventually, maybe they won’t. I just want you to be sure you can live with them, especially if we continue to hunt down your abusers and more deaths are added to your conscience.”

I let out a bitter laugh. “Will they be worse than the nightmares that have been haunting my dreams since I was a little kid? I doubt it. So if you ask me, these new nightmares will be a damn improvement to the horrors of my nights right now.”

Adamo’s arm around me tightened. “Fuck. I really wish I could have tortured the asshole today. I actually considered doing it before you showed up.”

I propped myself up. “The next name on our list…he was one of the worst. I mean, every experience was horrible but some were nicer about it.”

Adamo gritted his teeth. “Nice isn’t a word I’d use to describe the atrocities those perverts did to you.”

I swallowed. “And they’ll all pay for what they did. But the next guy on the list, he was bad, really bad. He liked to hurt, and I…” Killing my abusers was one thing, but torturing them was another matter. Even some of my father’s men couldn’t watch torture, could I? And not just watch, could I torture someone myself?

Adamo tilted his head to catch my gaze. “You want to torture the asshole?”

My lips parted, but a wave of nerves washed through me. “I want him to suffer before he dies.”

“He will if you want it. I can do it.”

“I should at least be part of it. This is my revenge and I don’t want to be a coward.”

“It’s not about being a coward. Torturing someone takes a lot out of you.

It’s different than the act of killing. You have to face the victim’s despair, pain and begging, have to relish in it and use it as another tool of suffering for them.”

“How many have you tortured? I know Remo and Nino are famous for their special talent, but I didn’t hear any stories about you.”

“I tried not to get involved in torture except when it was absolutely necessary. Both Nino and Remo wanted me to gain some experience but eventually they stopped forcing me to participate in these sessions.”

If even Adamo, who was a Falcone, couldn’t bear to torture someone, how would I be able to do it? “If it bothers you, if it gives you nightmares, then I don’t want you to do it, not for me. If I want them to suffer, I’ll have to do it myself. I won’t ask you to do something you hate.”



Adamo chuckled darkly, and pressed a fierce kiss to my lips. “It’s not that I hate it or that it haunts me in nightmares, Dinara. I enjoy it too much, that’s the fucking problem. I relish in the act of causing others’ pain, at least when I think they deserve it. I wish it were different, but I’m messed up. And the people on our list, they all deserve it so I’ll have a fucking great time doing it.”

“So you didn’t partake in torture because you liked it too much?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I quickly realized that I had the potential to be as good and creative as Remo, but I never wanted to be like that. I thought I could be better.” His smile became darker. “But I’m not, and the next asshole on the list will learn it the hard way, if you let me.”

I swallowed and gave a jerky nod. Adamo kissed me and wrapped his arms even more tightly around me. I could hardly breathe, but I only hugged him back with the same force. After the events of the day, after everything we’d just discussed, my body rang with the need to be as close to Adamo as possible. I didn’t care if it made me look weak or needy. Adamo made me feel as if it was okay to not be strong once in a while. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and I closed my eyes, feeling safe.