Turtles All the Way Down(55)
“I’m just really sorry, Daisy, for not being—”
“Jesus Christ, Holmesy, you can sure hold a grudge against yourself. You are my favorite person. I want to be buried next to you. We’ll have a shared tombstone. It’ll read, ‘Holmesy and Daisy: They did everything together, except the nasty.’ Anyway, how are you?” I shrugged. “Want me to keep talking?” I nodded. “You know how sometimes people will say, like, oh, she really loves the sound of her voice? I do seriously love the sound of my voice. I’ve got a voice for radio.” She turned and started walking up the stairs to get in line for the metal detectors. “So I know what you’re wondering: Daisy, are you still dating Mychal? Where’s your car? What happened to your hair? The answers are no, sold, and a cut became necessary after Elena intentionally put three pieces of chewed bubble gum in my hair while I was sleeping. It’s been a long two weeks, Holmesy. Should I elaborate?”
I nodded.
“With pleasure,” she answered as we cleared the metal detectors. “So with Mychal it really boiled down to my need to be young and wild and free—like, I had this near-death experience and then thought, Do I really want to waste my youth in a capital-R Relationship? And so I was, like, ‘Let’s see other people,’ and he was, like, ‘No,’ and I was, like, ‘Please,’ and he was, like, ‘I want to be in a monogamous relationship,’ and I was, like, ‘I just don’t want the weight of this, like, Thing dominating my life,’ and he was, like, ‘I’m not a thing,’ and then we broke up. I think technically he dumped me in the end, but it was one of those things where you’d need, like, a three-judge panel to determine who was technically at fault.
“Anyway, then with the car, it turns out that cars are expensive to own and also it turns out that they can hurt you, so I got a refund because I had it less than sixty days, and now I’m just going to Uber everywhere for the rest of my life, because then it’s kind of like I have every car, and also as a rich person I deserve to be chauffeured. Should I keep going?”
We’d reached my locker now, and I was surprised to find that I remembered the combination. There were so many human bodies around me. I kind of couldn’t believe it. I pulled my locker open. I hadn’t done any homework. I was behind on everything. The hallway was so loud, so crowded. “Yeah,” I said.
“No problem. I can do this all day. This is another reason we’re destined to be together—you’re so good at not talking. So, with Elena, she put gum in my hair on purpose while I was sleeping, and the next morning I was, like, ‘Why is there chewed gum in my hair?’ and she was, like, ‘Ha-ha!’ I was, like, ‘Elena, you have no understanding of humor. It isn’t funny just to make someone’s life worse. Like, if I broke your leg, would that be funny?’ And she was, like, ‘Ha-ha!’ So I got this fancy haircut, and believe you me, I paid for it out of Elena’s college fund. My parents made me set up a college fund for Elena, BTW.
“In other news, the whole Mychal thing has made our lunch table a little awkward, so we’re going to have a two-person picnic outside. I know it’s slightly cold, but trust me, sitting next to Mychal in the cafeteria is far colder. Are you so ready to go to biology right now and just absolutely murder it? Like, in forty-seven minutes, the dead and bloodless carcass of honors biology will be laid before your feet. God, a lot happened since you lost your mind. Is that rude to say?”
“Actually, the problem is that I can’t lose my mind,” I said. “It’s inescapable.”
“That is precisely how I feel about my virginity,” Daisy said. “Another reason Mychal and I were doomed—he doesn’t want to have sex unless he’s in love, and yes, I know that virginity is a misogynistic and oppressive social construct, but I still want to lose it, and meanwhile I’ve got this boy hemming and hawing like we’re in a Jane Austen novel. I wish boys didn’t have all these feelings I have to manage like a fucking psychiatrist.” Daisy walked me to the door of my classroom, opened it, and then walked me to my desk. I sat down. “You know I love you, right?” I nodded. “My whole life I thought I was the star of an overly earnest romance movie, and it turns out I was in a goddamned buddy comedy all along. I gotta go to calc. Good to see you, Holmesy.”
—
Daisy had brought leftover pizza for our picnic, and we sat underneath our school’s one big oak tree, halfway to the football field. It was frigid, and both of us were bundled into our winter coats, hoods up, my jeans stiff on the frozen ground.
I didn’t have gloves, so I tucked my fists into the coat. It was no weather for a picnic.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about Pickett,” Daisy said.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, just—while you were gone, I kept thinking about how weird it is to leave your kids like that, without even saying good-bye. I almost feel bad for him, to be honest. Like, what has to be wrong with him that he doesn’t at least buy a burner phone somewhere and text his kids and tell them he’s okay?”
I felt worse for the thirteen-year-old who wakes up every morning thinking that maybe today is the day. And then he plays video games every night to distract from the dull ache of knowing your father doesn’t trust or love you enough to be in contact, your father who privileged a tuatara over you in his estate plans. “I feel worse for Noah than for Pickett,” I said.