Trillion(32)

Instead it felt as if someone carved a hole in my chest, like a piece of me was missing, never to be replaced.

I decided then and there that I never wanted to feel that way again.

“No,” I say.

“I’m sorry.” Her eyes turn a darker shade of blue, if that’s possible. She places the cigar back. “That must’ve been hard for you.”

I release a terse breath and close the lid on the box. “Certain things are beyond our control. I prefer to focus on what I can control.”

Our gazes hold.

She sinks into the guest chair on the other side of the desk, a stemmed wine glass held lightly between her fingers. An hour ago we shared dinner in the courtyard before I brought her into the study. I wanted to show her photos of my family—the private ones not published in a dozen different biographies, magazines, and newspaper articles.

“My father left before my sister was born. I don’t remember him. I’ve only seen pictures,” she says. “Not that it compares to what you went through, but I know what it’s like to miss a parent. I can’t imagine missing two.”

“Your reluctance toward my offer,” I say, “does it have to do with him?”

Sophie shakes her head. “I made peace with that a long time ago.”

“Can a person ever truly make peace with abandonment?”

“If you try hard enough, anything’s possible,” she responds without pause.

“You speak my language.” I take a sip of my drink before pointing to her near empty chalice. “Another glass?”

When she’s sober, she’s nothing but witty comebacks and deflective questions.

When she’s been drinking, she’s clever with a heaping spoonful of details she’d never share otherwise.

Sophie glances at the time on her cell, her lips bunching at the side. “One more. But only one.”

Too easy.

I use the desk phone to call the kitchen and order a second round. At this rate, it’s safe to say there’ll likely be a third in the near future.

“Do you ever wonder how your life might have turned out differently?” she asks. “If things with your parents …”

“Never,” I say before she finishes her question. “I don’t dwell on the past. You?”

“It’s natural to wonder about things.” Her brows meet. “You’ve never thought about it?”

“What’s the point? I don’t have enough hours in the day to waste time daydreaming.”

A quick rap at the door is followed by a kitchen staffer bearing a serving tray of fresh drinks. She disappears in the midst of Sophie thanking her.

“Ah, right,” she says. “You’re too busy hanging out in the space between two and three …”

I tilt my head, examining her. “I shared that with you in confidence.”

She swats at me, her delicate fingertips brushing my arm. Her cheeks are tinged with pink. If I had to guess, she’s half-past buzzed.

“I’m messing with you,” she says. “I actually love that you shared that with me. I’m going to try that one of these days …”

“What do you do to escape? Surely you don’t sit around daydreaming about how life could’ve turned out better? Maybe your father wasn’t in the picture, but it didn’t stop you from accomplishing a damn thing. Look at you now. You’re clearly the winner in this situation.”

Her gaze drifts to the side as she sips her wine.

“One could argue that.” Her words are hazy and distant, almost as if she’s speaking solely to herself.

I lean back in my grandfather’s oversized chair, examining the fair-haired beauty across from me, briefly picturing what our child would look like, how her blonde hair and blue eyes would mix with my darker features.

“What is it you want out of life? Surely you haven’t come this far only to be a corporate slave the rest of your life. You’ve got to want something more for yourself.”

She appears to snap back into reality.

“I’ve only ever wanted to be happy,” she shrugs, like it’s no big deal. Like she’s said it a million times to a million different people.

“And what does happiness look like for you?” I ask.

“Honestly …” She hesitates. “I don’t know.”

“Everyone knows,” I say. “Are you worried I’ll use it as leverage as we negotiate my offer?”

“The things I want can’t be bought.” She isn’t speaking my language, but she’s garnered my full attention.

“Everything can be bought.” At least in my world …

I’m always up for a friendly debate. Most people don’t tend to challenge me in conversations. They’re afraid to disagree. Afraid to be honest.

But Sophie Bristol isn’t like most people.

Sitting straighter, she adds, “You’re like a dog with a bone.”

I sip my bourbon, hiding a half-smile. “You and your compliments. See, I could tell you’re starting to like me …”

She rolls her eyes. And she hides her half-grin behind her wine glass, as if she could disguise the fact that she’s letting her guard down.

Rising, she makes her way to the other side of the room, perusing a shelf of antique encyclopedias.