Tragic Beauty (Beauty & The Darkness #1)(38)

I take another long swig of my drink and get to thinking about the conversation I had with Ben, back at Ava’s place. Given all I know now, it isn’t too hard to figure out what she went looking for last night. All dressed up like she was, and heading so far out.

I’ll never forget that moment last night, flying down the freeway in the dark, with the rain pouring down, knowing I was never going to make it in time and feeling all torn up about my mom. And then in a flash, she was there. Nothing but legs and long wet hair and these big scared eyes. Then she was gone and I almost wondered if my mind was playing tricks on me. When I hit the brakes and put the car in reverse, I still wasn’t sure if I was just imagining things. But there she was. Cowering on the side of the freeway, soaked, and huddled up tight in her jacket and teetering on heels she had no clue how to walk in. I had to sit in my car, just staring at her through the headlights, still not convinced I was seeing right. Didn’t even look like she had anything on under her jacket. And those eyes—I could see they were a crazy kind of blue, even from the car. They were so big and so afraid, and drowning in the rain and mascara that trailed all over her face. She was the most God damn beautiful thing I’d ever seen. A tragic beauty I couldn’t stop staring at. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to just drive off and pretend I hadn’t seen her. I knew she’d be trouble for me. I was thinking about it when I saw her start to back away, that fear building in those eyes the longer I sat there.

But I couldn’t leave her. Not there anyway.

When I finally got out I was so mad though, because she was pulling me all these crazy ways, and that was the last thing I needed. I figured I’d get her someplace safe, as fast as I could, then hightail it out of there. But then she wouldn’t get in the damn car. I was so close to hauling her over my shoulder and throwing her in when she stormed by me. Took some guts for her to stand up to me the way she did. I’m a big man, and scary when I want to be, and there we were, alone at night, on the side of the freeway. But I could see I’d rattled her, and that calmed me down. By the time I got her in the car, I was feeling pretty lousy, but still knowing I was playing with a stick of dynamite, having her close to me like that.

Then at the gas station, when the light came into the car, I thought for sure she’d recognize me, but she didn’t. Can’t tell you what a feeling that was, not having the actor play front and center. It was just me again. And suddenly I was free from all the crap I’d been dragging around the last few years. And I know, I know, I should be grateful for the fame, and I am. But the success is one thing—the mobs and flashbulbs and paparazzi is something else entirely. And here she was, this little thing, with long wet hair and big blue eyes, staring at me, not the actor. And the way she was looking at me, I knew she was feeling the heat—the same heat I was feeling looking at her.

And fuck, let me tell you, leaving her at that gas station was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I reasoned with myself when I was pulling away, that it was the best thing for her, and for me. But when I drove off, it took only a mile down the freeway for me to realize I was letting something special go. I already knew I was too late to make it to my award ceremony anyway, and I didn’t have a clue of what I was going to do with her, but I knew if I didn’t go back, she’d be one of those regrets I’d have for the rest of my life. And I’m so fucking glad I did. When I saw her sitting in the rain, curled up against the payphone, my heart shattered into a thousand, fucking shards.

And then the time we spent together—it was the best night of my entire miserable existence. Even before all the sex. Even with all the bullshit Candace pulled. Just being with her made me feel…happy. Something I hadn’t been in so damn long. When I left her there in the pool, I wasn’t just leaving her, I was leaving a good chunk of my heart. But she was too good for me. I didn’t deserve her. And I knew I’d hurt her eventually, in more ways than one.

Then she came walking into my room, naked in the moonlight, my perfect fantasy come to life, and that hunger came up in me so strong. I did all I could to send her away, but she just reeled me in, until I was nothing but putty in her hands, telling her all my deepest, darkest secrets, even when she was keeping hers all to herself. And when she left my bed this morning, I knew I couldn’t let her go.

And now here I am, hunkered over my drink in some small town in the middle of nowhere, drowning my sorrows away because the one girl I finally want, I can’t have.

I grab my drink and down the rest of it, when the door swings open and the wind gets sucked from my lungs.

There she is.

Ava.

My Ava.

The world around me falls away as I watch her walk into the bar. I know she’s got on a long-sleeved, white dress, and her blonde hair is hanging down around her face, but all I see is her eyes. Those big, blue eyes, that look so fucking sad. My heart cracks just looking at her, but that’s overtaken by the rage that builds when I see the guy walking in behind her. The fucker towers over her, smug, his hand clamped tightly around the back of her neck.

Just the way he’s holding her has me about to lunge out of my seat, when three guys follows them in, as though they’re all together. They walk through the crowd to one of the tall cocktail tables off to the side, where a single guy gathers his drink up and leaves. Shayne sits on one of the stools and yanks Ava onto his lap, and even from where I sit, I can see her wince and her face pale.