Tough Enough (Tall, Dark, and Dangerous, #2)(58)

I laugh, reaching across the bar to still her fingers. “Hey, it’s fine. You can ask me anything.”

“Okay, then why does he seem to resent you so much? Is it just because of his handicap?”

I resume assembling the salads that will accompany the filets I’ll be grilling. I lay slices of cucumber on each one as I answer her. “He thinks that the reason I never went to the cops or social services, the reason that I kept my mouth shut, was because I was weak. He thinks I didn’t love him enough to get him out of there. I never told him that everything I did I did to spare him.”

I hear Katie’s gasp. “But why? Why would you let him believe that? When you sacrificed so much for him. Why?”

I glance up to meet her horrified eyes. “Because it would’ve eaten him up with guilt—knowing that I stayed around because of him. Knowing that I kept taking a beating so that he wouldn’t have to. And I didn’t want him to have to carry that around for the rest of his life.”

“Oh God, Rogan,” she whispers. Her face is pale, like she can literally feel the pain of it all.

“It’s fine,” I tell her with a smile. I’d rather blow it off than this end up in pity. It’s probably dangerously close already. “We both survived.”

“You never said what happened to your father.” I can tell that she wants to change the subject as much as I do.

“He’s gone. Long gone.” Before she can ask more questions or fumble through platitudes, I slap my hands together. “All done,” I tell her, setting the full salad bowls aside and pouring each of us a glass of red wine. I come around the bar and push one stem into Katie’s fingers as I take the platter of seasoned meat. “Come on. Let’s go grill.”

Each day that has passed this week has brought on a new sense of urgency to enjoy every second that I can with Katie. Things in Enchantment are different. This place seems separated from reality, like the real world is on a parallel plane. Real, but not here. Somewhere else. Somewhere that can’t touch us, can’t touch what we have together. I feel like once I leave here, I can never come back. Like I will have lost Katie and whatever this is between us.

We live such different lives normally. That they intersected at all is a miracle, so what could be next? I don’t know if Katie could survive in my regular life.

That’s how I’ve come to identify my existence. Before, during and after. Past, present, future. The life I’ve led up until Enchantment, the life I lead here, and the life I’ll continue to lead once I leave it. Is there a way to take the now with me? To make it a part of tomorrow? Or is it impossible for the two to ever peacefully coexist?

My phone bleeps with an incoming text. I glance at Katie, sitting on one of the poolside chairs with her feet tucked up under her. There’s a serene look on her face. I love seeing it there.

She smiles at me as she sips her wine. I hold her gaze for a few seconds before she turns her attention to the waterfall that cascades down a rocky landscape before splashing delicately into the pool. I wonder what she’s thinking. I wonder if she wonders what I’m thinking. Or if she knows.

I check my phone when it makes a second alert. It’s my agent, reminding me of the arrangements his assistant made for my flight back to New York. I have a fight in three days. It was postponed until taping for this show was complete. Both for filming and aesthetic purposes, obviously. I knew it was coming, but in a way it almost feels like it signals the end.

But I don’t want this to end.

I turn the grill flame to low and close the lid to allow the steaks to finish up. I walk to Katie and squat down in front of her, taking her free hand in mine.

“Thursday is my last day of taping.” The statement hangs in the air. Like a cloud of inevitability.

Katie nods once, her face expressionless as she eyes me.

I figured she knew. She gets set notes, too.

“I’ve got a fight on Sunday. Kurt and I will be flying out Thursday night. The match is in New York. Come with me.”

Her expression doesn’t change, but her eyes search mine. I don’t know what she’s looking for, what she’s thinking, and she doesn’t say anything that might clue me in.

“New York is . . .” She trails off. Even if I couldn’t sense the hesitation in her words, I could detect it in her body language. She’s shrinking away from me. It’s almost imperceptible, but I can see her pressing her back into the cushion.

I’m as honest as I can be. It’s the only way I know to fight her hang-ups. “I’m not ready for this to be over yet. I want you with me.”

Just as I nearly missed her pulling away, I could’ve missed her relaxing back toward me if I hadn’t been paying attention. But I was. When it comes to Katie, I’m always paying attention.

“And then what? I’d have to be back here to work on Monday.”

“I know. I’ll make sure you’re here.”

I can see the indecision in her eyes, but I can also see that she, too, is eager to prolong our . . . whatever this is.

Finally, she nods her agreement. “Okay. I’ll come.”

I smile and lean forward to kiss her. When she weaves her fingers into my hair and slides her tongue along mine, I consider abandoning supper in favor of hauling her tasty little ass off to my bedroom. But then she pulls away, breathless.