Touch of Red (Tracers #12)(63)

“She said you were still off men, but I told her I thought you and Sean had a thing.”

“Where’d you get that?”

“Oh, please. I’ve seen the way you look at each other.”

“What way?” Brooke took a sip of wine to hide her reaction.

“Oh, I don’t know. Like you want to eat each other alive?”

Damn it, who else had noticed? Brooke set her glass down and took a deep breath. “I spent last night at his house.”

Maddie slapped the counter. “You did not!”

“I did.”

Brooke’s stomach flitted with nerves. It felt strange to tell someone. Talking about it somehow made it more real, and it would be harder to chalk it up as a one-night stand.

“And?”

“And what?” Brooke rinsed some basil leaves.

“And how was it?” Maddie grinned. “I’ve always wondered about that man.”

“Hey. Stick to your FBI agent.”

“Ha! Jealousy, too. This sounds serious.”

“It isn’t.” The instant the words were out, Brooke felt guilty.

“So . . . was it okay? Better than okay?”

Brooke felt her cheeks warm as she tore basil and sprinkled it into the soup. “I don’t really have words to describe it.”

“Try.”

Brooke sighed. “He’s very . . . thorough.” She smiled and picked up her wine.

“Oh, my God.” Maddie fanned her face. “That is so hot. And I’m so damn happy for you.”

Brooke set down the glass, and the nerves were back in her stomach.

“What’s wrong? You look all worried.”

“Well, I am.”

“I won’t tell anyone. My lips are sealed.”

“No, not that. Although, please don’t tell anyone. I just . . .” Brooke leaned back against the counter and combed her hands through her hair. “I feel like this is happening way too soon.”

“Too soon after Matt, you mean?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s been four months.” Maddie sipped her beer.

“Yes, but I’m still just getting out of it with him. He was here the other night.”

“Here as in here?” Maddie set her bottle down.

“He’s still lurking.”

“Damn it. I should have Brian talk to him.”

“No. It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine, Brooke.”

“I can handle everything with him. It’s Sean I’m confused about. My head’s all over the place and I feel like I’m making a mess of everything.”

Brooke stirred the soup with a wooden spoon.

“It sounds like me when Brian and I first got together.” Maddie shook her head. “I was a wreck. After Emma died, I was basically in emotional lockdown. I stopped caring about my job, my marriage. When Brian met me, I was completely missing in action emotionally.”

“I can’t imagine what you went through. I’m sure my problems seem silly by comparison.”

“They’re not silly at all. In fact, it sounds familiar. I liked Brian a lot, but that alone confused the hell out of me, and I kept pushing him away.”

“So, what happened?”

“He saw straight through my bullshit and called me out on it.”

Brooke thought again about her argument with Sean. Don’t compare me to him. “I keep thinking I need to follow my plan, which was to take some time off for myself to get my footing back. Whenever Sean’s around, though, all that goes right out the window and all I want to do is be with him.”

“So, be with him.”

“But the logical side of me knows I’d be making another mistake by rushing into something like I did when Matt and I started. I’d be falling into the same pattern I had with Matt.”

“Well . . . is Sean like Matt?”

“No. They’re completely different, and I think that’s what scares me.”

Maddie watched her, looking pensive. “For years I convinced myself every guy I met was going to be just like the guy I divorced. Kind of put a damper on things. I had to stop listening to my brain so much. When Brian came along, nothing was logical, so I had to suck it up and go with my heart.”

Brooke stirred the soup, and her throat tightened as she thought of Sean. Why was she so conflicted? Maybe that in itself was a sign she shouldn’t be getting involved with anyone new right now.

“I hate how indecisive I am. I never used to be this way. I used to set my sights on something I wanted and just go for it. It pisses me off that he took that away from me. That I let him take that away from me.”

Maddie gave her a worried smile. “You’ll get it back. You’re going through a transition right now.”

“I hate that. I feel like I’m in limbo.”

Maddie’s phone dinged and she dug it from her purse. “Well, dinner calls. I need to get home.” She walked over to Brooke and gave her a hug.

“Thanks for coming by.” Brooke led her to the door. “And sorry about our coffee klatch. Any good gossip?”

“Oh, yes. We got to hear all about Kelsey’s sexcapades. She and Gage are trying to have a baby.”