Tips for Living(37)

“I am so very sad to lose my good friend. I am sad for the families and sad for the art world,” he said. “Hugh was a great talent. One of the finest artists of the twenty-first century.”

What a loss for Abbas. He’d supported Hugh all through the lean, early years. Even helped him with rent. “Abbas basically adopted me,” Hugh had said.

As the report shifted into a teaser for a documentary on southern India, I began fixating on the lights again. Why had all the lights been on this morning? Instinctively, I rushed into the kitchen. Why hadn’t I thought of this yesterday? I checked my knife rack and calmed down. I was reassured to see all the knives in place.

Coffee next. There was still half a pot from yesterday. Screw it. I poured a mug full and zapped it in the microwave.

“This is Wolf Blitzer for CNN’s special report: The Point Murders. Coming up next, we’ll have Tobias Walker, the brother of murdered Hugh Walker, with us here in the studio.”

Tobias. The last time I’d seen Hugh’s brother was at my wedding.

I grabbed the coffee and rushed back to the living room, only to have to wait through a commercial. As I chugged the bitter brew, I thought back to the way Tobias behaved at the hospital during Hugh’s heart event. He’d put a picture of Jesus under Hugh’s pillow and sat there reading articles from Christianity Today and The New Baptist Newsletter to his half-conscious brother—his captive audience. Then he organized other ICU families for daily prayer circles in the waiting room, giving out prayer cards to the doctors and nurses. Hugh had been mortified.

Wolf was back.

“Thank you for joining us, Mr. Walker. I’m sorry for your loss,” he said.

“Thank you, Wolf.”

Sad, red-eyed Tobias sat across from the CNN host. Tobias’s familiar face sent another tremor of grief through me. There had always been a strong family resemblance between the brothers. Tobias was the taller, skinnier, less sensual version. With Hugh dead, it pained me to observe their similarities.

“I understand you had just come from Virginia to New York City on Friday for a ‘Save the Family’ Conference,” Wolf said. “And on Sunday morning you received the shocking call that your brother and sister-in-law had been killed.”

Tobias swallowed hard. “That’s right. Ironic, isn’t it?”

“Do you have any idea who committed this horrific crime? Or why?”

“None. It’s beyond tragic. Hugh and Helene both had so much to live for. Hugh had his art and a wonderful wife. They had a child they loved. My niece, Callie.”

“It was incredibly fortunate that she happened to be staying with her aunt in the city for the weekend,” Wolf said.

Tobias nodded. “I’d spoken with Hugh on Saturday morning just as he was dropping her off downtown with Helene’s sister before heading out to Pequod. We lamented that our schedules didn’t permit our getting together this trip. If I hadn’t been so busy with the conference, I would’ve seen Hugh before . . .”

Tobias looked down. He paused and then cleared his throat. “Anyway. I thank the Lord for the fact that Callie wasn’t in that house with them. It was a miracle.”

“One bit of light for you in this dark time,” Wolf noted gravely.

“Yes. She’s a lovely child.”

“I’m sure I speak for many people when I say our hearts are with you.”

“Thank you, Wolf.”

Wolf returned the thanks and the show gave over to a boxing match promo.

Tobias had been in New York City over the weekend? Hugh would never have “lamented” not meeting with him. Hugh avoided his brother. He barely saw him after their parents died. We’d even been ambivalent about inviting him to our wedding.

I remembered how Hugh prepared me to meet Tobias for the first time.

“Tobias makes his living teaching biology laced with creationism at an evangelical school,” Hugh scoffed. “He married a local kindergarten teacher. They have one boy, Gideon, I assume named after the Bible.

“Don’t be surprised when he talks about Christ like he’s a member of the family. Or his superhero best friend,” Hugh warned. “We were baptized Lutheran, but only Toby took it seriously. Really seriously. Until he left for college, we shared a bedroom, and he’d harangue me at night by reading the Bible aloud. Or quoting religious scholars. I can still hear him reciting Martin Luther’s anti-Semitic screeds. ‘We must drive the Jews out like mad dogs, so that we do not become partakers of their abominable blasphemy.’ ‘Their breath stinks with lust for the Gentiles’ gold and silver . . .’ That’s the kind of religion Tobias is into.”

I could never look at Tobias without thinking about those words and resenting him.

Wolf Blitzer returned and introduced footage of Callie, who was holding the hand of a frazzled, auburn-haired woman wearing a leather motorcycle jacket. He identified the woman as Helene’s sister. Callie’s aunt. The pair was exiting a grungy loft building in Chinatown, fleeing the paparazzi and rushing into a cab. Little orphaned Callie. I could finally see her face and was thankful she didn’t look anything like Hugh except for the dark, curly hair. She was so frightened and pale. What would happen to her? Who was responsible for causing all her misery? Whoever it was should be locked up forever.

Was it me?