Through the Fire (Daughter of Fire, #1)(60)

“It was a fifty-fifty chance. They could have taken me instead. It was only pure luck that they didn’t.” His eyes told me that, to some degree, he blamed himself for what his sister had suffered through.

Rather than trying to correct Clay, to explain that it had to be an Unseelie court, and stir up his emotions more, I tried to comfort him. “It wasn’t your fault,” I said.

“I was just a baby,” he said robotically, nodding slowly.

They were obviously words he’d been told all his life; words he still didn’t believe.

“It wasn’t your fault,” I repeated.

He smiled weakly before reaching for my hair, smoothing it out to tame the mess that the wig had caused. For a moment it seemed as if he was going to say something more, but he closed his eyes at the last second.

“You never even had a chance to show off in your impressive dress tonight,” he said as he opened his eyes and guided me around in a slow circle like he had during our dance in the warehouse. He was changing the subject, but I could sense he needed it more than he’d ever say. I didn’t mention that his father had appreciated the dress. It took some effort, but I suppressed the shudder that threatened to race through my body at the thought. I didn’t want to talk about them any more than Clay seemed to.

“Impressive?” I asked, allowing him the shift he needed.

“Definitely impressive,” he said. “But not quite as impressive as the person in it.” His tongue slowly peeked out from between his teeth and swept across his bottom lip.

I laughed. “Flattery will get you a long way.”

His gaze trailed lazily over my body and then he pulled me against him. “I don’t want to go anywhere. I just want to stay here, with you.”

I rested my head on his chest as he swayed us in time to an unheard rhythm. It was so reminiscent of our first reunion; I couldn’t help but smile. “Do you remember when you asked whether I thought about prom?”

He nodded. “I remember everything about our time together. Every moment has played on my mind again and again while I wondered what I could have done differently.”

“I wish things could be different too, but I’ve also learned that living with ‘what-ifs’ will only put you in danger.” I placed my hand on his cheek to soothe him. Despite my breakdown after seeing his father earlier, I was exactly where I wanted to be—in Clay’s arms. It was easier to put the sadness out of my mind now that I had someone by my side to help share the burden.

“How can you say that though, Evie? You lost everything. Don’t you ever get angry about the way things are?”

“Of course I do,” I said, twisting away from him. I crossed my arms and brushed my fingers over my arm, tracing a calming path while I tried to find the right words to adequately explain it to him. “There are days when the anger is so strong it’s almost crippling. There are days when I’m so overwhelmed by sadness that I wonder whether it’s worth going on. But it is, it has to be. My dad worked hard to keep me alive for so many years; it would be an insult to his memory if I just gave up.” I closed my eyes, unwilling to admit to Clay exactly how close I had come to giving up before Aiden had healed me. “I can’t do that to him. He deserves better than for me to throw his memory away like that.”

“You inspire me,” he said.

“I shouldn’t.” I turned away in shame. I wasn’t an inspiration to anyone.

“You do, because you’re standing here in front of me right now. You did that. You survived everything the world has thrown at you.”

“What was the alternative?”

He smiled sadly before kissing me softly.

His guard seemed to lower, and I desperately wanted to change the subject to stop the fight. It was a good time to ask him what he’d meant earlier. I had my suspicions. After all, now that we were reunited there was only one pledge he’d yet to fulfill. “You said you were hoping to make good on a promise tonight?”

“Maybe it was a little rash on my part, but yeah,” he admitted. Then his teeth sunk into his bottom lip for a moment before he chuckled. “I believe I promised that I’d make sure our first time was special.”

I stared at him for a moment. He’d arranged the hotel after the briefest glance at me through a crowd of people. Was my desire for him so obvious?

He must have interpreted my surprise as something worse. “I don’t mean. God, I’m not saying that we have to . . . I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do, I just . . . Please tell me I haven’t screwed this up before it’s even started.”

I laughed. “Relax. I want it. I want you. You would not believe how often I’ve dreamed of this. Us.”

“Yeah?”

Pushing on his chest gently, I caused him to back up a few steps. Advancing on him, I left less and less room to retreat until the backs of his legs hit the edge of the mattress. Barely giving him a moment to gain his bearings, I pulled the bottom of my dress up to give me the freedom to climb onto the bed and straddle his lap.

“Yeah.”

Grasping the back of his head, I pulled his lips to mine, hungrily devouring his mouth. His body responded without hesitation. His hands roamed across my silk-encased back, drawing long, languid strokes along my spine.

“God, I’ve wanted this for so long too,” he admitted. “More than I should have.”