Throttled (Wild Riders #1)(49)
“Not exactly.” Hoyt shook his head. “He wants me to pack up.”
“Why?”
“Did you mention something to him about me coaching riders?”
“I might have.” I smiled. “I know you want more than to just follow my dumb ass around all the time.”
“Well, he took your word. He offered me a position working with some up and comer. Chayse McCade or something like that. Ever heard of him?”
“I haven’t. You’re going to go right? I wasn’t lying when I said you’d be good at coaching. You’ve been coaching me since you were twelve. And let’s face it, I’m pretty well seasoned. I’m a big boy now,” I teased. “I mean,” I hesitated at the risk of sounding like a complete chick, but this was my brother. I could be a little mushy. “I’ll always need you on my team, little brother, but I want to see you do something great.” I smiled.
“You’re right. But, it’s a big step. I’m not sure I’m ready.”
“You need to go, Hoyt. This sounds like a fantastic opportunity.”
“It would be cool to help someone get in shape for the pros. And, you’re right about not really needing me anymore.” He sighed and thought for a moment. “I should do it.” I gave him a pat on the back. I was proud of my little brother. I wanted more for him than just being my manager. “Now who is going to keep you in line?” He laughed.
“I think I might know someone.” I winked. I hadn’t told him yet, but I was feeling pretty confident about Nora being back in my life. Hoyt might have thought he was good at keeping me in check, but there was no one that kept my ass in line quite like that girl.
What am I doing? I thought as I lie in bed that night. I hadn’t been able to stop smiling since I’d left Reid’s house, and I hadn’t been able to fall asleep either. Was it stupid that I was giddy over the idea of being with him again? And, not just sleeping with him, not that I wasn’t excited about that part. If the kiss we’d shared was any indication of what was to come, then how could I not be? I meant actually being with him. Being his girlfriend again.
I felt switched on after years of living in the safety of numbness.
It was electrifying and terrifying all at once.
But… no risk no reward, right?
For the first time in seven years, I was starting to remember who I was and who I wanted to be. The feel of holding on to him on the back of that bike was so freeing and fun and everything I’d thought I didn’t want anymore. Turned out, I’d been completely lying to myself. I wanted to be—no. I was wild and carefree. I wanted to follow my passions and be spontaneous. Being buttoned up and boring was over.
Less than twenty-four hours had passed since I’d broken up with Beau and told Reid that I was single. I’d become so used to my slow, uneventful life, that with everything that was happening, I felt like I was moving at light speed. No matter how I tried to rationalize the situation the fact was, I wanted to be with him. The risk of having my heart broke again was still there, but it didn’t seem as scary as it had when he first came back to town.
I believed him when he said he would never hurt me and that he wanted a future with me. I hated that we’d spent five years apart, but I don’t know if the seventeen year old me was actually ready to commit her life to someone else. Maybe Reid had done us both a favor by ending things back then. Maybe we both needed to grow up a little and discover who we were as individuals before being a couple.
I wasn’t the same little girl that would have followed him around the world, no questions asked. I wanted a life with him, but I still wanted my own life—whatever it was. I was content with my real estate job, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to dig my old camera out of storage and give photography another shot. Reid had been living his dream, perhaps it was time that I started living mine.
I wanted to tell Reid about what I was thinking, that I was proud of him, that I was inspired by him, but stupidly I went home, when I could have spent the rest of the day and the night with him. I was worried about what people would think, but did I really care? Did I really need to put boundaries on what we had? It wasn’t doing anything but making me question what I felt and I didn’t want to do that anymore. I wanted to live in the moment and quit over thinking everything.
I wanted more moments like the one we shared in the trailer. The way he’d kissed me—the way I’d kissed him. It felt amazingly chaotic and I loved it. It was filled with the passion and desire that we used to have for one another, but different enough that it was still new and exciting. Just thinking about his kiss had my lips tingling in anticipation.
I jumped up out of bed and grabbed the sweatshirt of Reid’s that had caused so much trouble. A good kind of trouble. A kind that helped me end something that should have been ended long before Reid showed back up. I zipped it up over my pajamas—a motocross T-shirt and a pair of cropped black leggings—and slipped on my tennis shoes. I grabbed my keys as I was walking out the front door and carefully closed it behind me, not wanting to wake my sister. Not that she wouldn’t have supported my new go-after-what-you-want attitude, but I didn’t want to waste another minute. I couldn’t lay in that bed another second wondering about all the what if’s.
I was done waiting for answers to come to me.