This Will Only Hurt a Little(63)
One day, I met Colin for lunch. I wanted to tell him I was getting married. We hadn’t spoken much in the few years before. Understandably, it took some time for him to want to see me or hang out. We met at Kings Road Cafe and after I told him my news he congratulated me and said, “I just actually started dating someone. I really, really like her. Like, I don’t know. . . . This feels different.”
Her name was Samantha and, two years later, they would end up getting married, too. I promised that the four of us would get dinner soon.
I had auditioned for a movie that would be shooting right before my wedding called Made of Honor that Patrick Dempsey was attached to star in. I had always loved him. His movies from when I was a kid were some of my favorites. And I liked the part, but I auditioned for the movie not particularly caring whether or not I got cast, since I was getting married and that seemed like a much bigger deal to me. My lack of caring is probably exactly why I got the part. The schedule for the film was moving around, and a large part of the movie was to be filmed in the U.K., which I was actually really excited about, but I had to tell Lorrie and Mark about the surprise wedding so they could make sure I would be cleared and in Los Angeles on those dates.
“Oh yeah, Busy, you should be finished by then.”
But of course, as often happens with movies, the whole schedule shifted around, and as it turned out, I was needed in THE ISLE OF SKYE, SCOTLAND, to shoot the week of my wedding. The production and producers felt terrible, so they arranged for me to have a car waiting when I wrapped on Thursday night to drive me the almost six hours to Glasgow, where I would have to catch a 6 a.m. flight Friday morning to London in order to make the 10 a.m. flight to Los Angeles, landing me in Los Angeles around 3 p.m. Friday, roughly twenty-seven hours BEFORE MY OWN FUCKING WEDDING. If I missed any of my flights, or if any part was delayed, I would possibly miss my own wedding. I was so stressed out about it before I left for Scotland that I tried on my wedding dress and it FELL OFF OF ME. I knew I had been losing weight, but this was ridiculous. Also, I am not generally someone who loses weight from stress but this was different. I took the dress in to a tailor to get it taken in. I would have to land and go straight there and try it on again the day before the wedding.
The Isle of Skye was beautiful, and because of jet lag and nerves from the fact that I was getting married in five days, I barely slept. Whitney Cummings and I had become fast friends in the three weeks of shooting leading up to our trip to Scotland. She and I would wake up super early and run five miles through sheep fields before our work day began. On the Thursday morning I was to leave, there was a mysterious note on the call sheet: “MIDGES EXPECTED TODAY. BE PREPARED AND COVER YOURSELF AND CAMERA EQUIPMENT PROPERLY.” Midges, as it turns out, are horrible little bugs that swarm and bite. They’re tiny, like gnats, except when they descend on a place it looks like a gray cloud has covered the area. I had spent hundreds of dollars in the months leading up to my wedding to ensure my skin was clear and beautiful. I wasn’t about to get bit on the face by a midge! Whitney and I covered ourselves in netting, removing it only when we had to film.
The day was almost over and the car was waiting to speed through the Scottish countryside to take me to get married when all of a sudden I felt a sting on my chin.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” I screamed.
Whitney ran over and looked at my face, “It’s fine. It’s fine. You’re going to be fine.” She paused. “Maybe you call your dermatologist when you land and get a cortisone shot??”
I had no time to be upset; I had to make the twenty-hour journey back to L.A. When I landed and got through customs, I called Dr. Lancer, who had been my dermatologist since I was eighteen. I frantically explained the situation to one of his nurses.
“He’s supposed to leave here in a half hour today, Busy,” she said. “Can you come in tomorrow morning?”
“NO! I’m getting MARRIED TOMORROW! It’s my wedding!!”
He agreed to stay late to see me.
When I got there, the nurse smiled wide at me, “You’re getting married tomorrow? Ali Larter was in here when you called! She was so excited!”
WHAT?! ALI LARTER WAS DATING ONE OF MARC’S GOOD FRIENDS. ALI AND HAYES WERE INVITED TO MY “SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY”!!! Oh my God. Had that fucking midge not only ruined my perfect skin but also just ruined the surprise of my surprise wedding!?! I panicked and called Marc, who panicked and told me I had to call Ali and tell her they’d misunderstood but that I had found out about the birthday party but not to tell anyone because I wanted Marc to still think he really surprised me. It was the best I could do. To this day, I’m not sure if she bought it or not, but she assured me she wouldn’t say anything to anyone else, even Hayes.
That night, we ate at Hamburger Hamlet in a private room and Marc’s parents and my parents met for the first time. My mother and Marc’s dad instantly hit it off. “Well, Arnie is just fantastic, isn’t he?! Pat is great, too! They both are!” My mom was right: in terms of in-laws, I really won the lottery. We had arranged it so that our families would stay hidden for the actual surprise, since we thought their presence would cause suspicion. We had told a few people who lived far away about the wedding, since we didn’t expect them to fly cross-country for my surprise birthday party. Marc’s friends from high school came in, as did Rachel Davidson and Kate and her husband, and obviously, Michelle was there. Heath was just beginning to work on The Dark Knight so he didn’t come. I had actually seen Heath the month before, though, when we were both in Chicago. He was shooting a sequence for The Dark Knight and I was shooting exteriors for ER. We had lunch at his hotel and he showed me some of his journals he was working on for the movie. I told him I hoped he would make it in for the wedding, but he didn’t think it would be possible and I understood.