This Will Only Hurt a Little(44)
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After Colin and I broke up, Craig and I started dating right away and were pretty much inseparable. I liked that he would spend every night at my house and was up for whatever I wanted to do. I didn’t even mind that I almost always had to pay.
In June, I got a call from Jake Kasdan’s little brother Jon, who had written on Freaks and Geeks. He and I had become good friends in the year after the show. He’d been hired by Tom Kapinos, who was the showrunner of Dawson’s Creek, which was now going into its fifth season.
“Hypothetically speaking,” he said, “If we added a roommate for Joey at college, would you move to Wilmington, North Carolina????”
“Jon,” I told him, “I tested for nine fucking shows this year and didn’t get one. I would move wherever the fuck you asked me to.”
He laughed. “Okay, okay, okay. That’s what I thought. Tom’s a huge fan from Freaks. We’re writing this part and it’s perfect for you.”
Not that I didn’t have to audition and test for it. I did. But Audrey was my fucking part. I remember going into my test at Warner Brothers, and seeing the girl they were testing against me, who was obviously super talented. But all I could think was, “Good luck, girl, but you may as well just go home now because this is my part. I’m due for it. IT’S MINE.”
IS THIS IT
(The Strokes)
A few nights before I left for Wilmington, North Carolina, Craig and his brother Jeff and Emily and I went out to dinner at Islands, a burger chain with a Hawaiian theme. I was feeling nervous about leaving Emily but also about leaving Craig, who I was newly in love with (again). Not to mention, I wasn’t sure how much I was going to be able to fly home. In my deal I was only guaranteed a plane ticket back to L.A. if I wasn’t in an episode.
We were talking about the show at dinner. None of us had ever seen it. I knew kids in college who really liked Dawson’s and Felicity, but my friends and I weren’t really into it. I mean, obviously I knew what a big deal it had been when it premiered, how hugely popular it was. The Rolling Stone cover with Katie Holmes swinging on a tire swing was iconic, but I think I thought of the show as something for teenagers, not me. Craig looked around at the table and kind of laughed, “We don’t have to, like, start watching it now, do we?”
The way he said it was so mean, and so seemingly out of nowhere. I didn’t yet understand that Craig had a hard time being happy about any of my success since his own feelings were that he was already a failure at age twenty-one. I jumped up from the table and ran to the bathroom in tears. (This was long before I became perfectly comfortable openly crying in restaurants.) He followed me to the ladies’ room, where I sobbed in the stall.
“Busy. Hey. Hey. Come out. I didn’t mean it. Of course we’ll watch you on it. I just—Come on. You know what I meant.”
I did. Sort of. But I also had the feeling that there was no way he would be watching me on the show. I felt like even my friends thought this huge job was lame and somehow not good enough.
On the plane to Charlotte, I randomly sat next to Linda Hamilton, the actress from the Terminator movies. She was going to visit family in North Carolina. I felt like it was a good sign that she was my seatmate. She said “bon appétit” to me when our meals arrived, and I was impressed with how fancy she was and wondered if I would ever be that fancy.
Chad Michael Murray and Ken Marino were both on my flight too. Years ago, I got a lot of shit for saying on a Paley Center panel that I thought Chad was a douchebag, but honestly, HE WAS FINE. He didn’t do anything wrong—his vibe was just not for me. He was a real MALE ACTOR, and I have a hard time trusting dudes that are that good looking and know it and somehow try to prove to you they’re so much more. I sound like an asshole, I know. I’m sorry. He just reminded me of a guy on the football team who carries around a guitar so people think he’s deep but really he just knows the G chord. Like how Franco carried Dante’s Inferno around on set. It’s like CALM DOWN WE GET IT YOU WANT US TO THINK YOU’RE HOT AND SMART.
The South is unbearably hot. And I say this as someone who grew up in Arizona, where we would play softball in a 105-degree heat. But North Carolina in the summer is a whole other thing. The heat smacks you in the face like a hot, wet wall. I was not prepared for it. We were all put up in this funny little boutique hotel off the main drag of downtown Wilmington. The hotel was “movie” themed, with a little kitchen and rocking chairs on the front porch. My room was Some Like It Hot, which apparently was also the room Michael Pitt had stayed in. As we were all checking in to reception, James Van Der Beek popped out of one of the rooms. Obviously I hadn’t thought the main cast members were staying there; I’d assumed they’d all gotten homes when they’d relocated to Wilmington. But James was at the hotel for some reason—I think his house was under construction—and it seemed like he’d been waiting for us.
“Hey! I’m James!” he said. “You’re Busy, right? Jon Kasdan said we’re going to be friends. This is my fiancée, Heather!”
She popped out of their room and I shook her hand. I couldn’t help but notice her enormous ring. I was like HOLY SHIT. People our age get rings like that when they get married?? He looked past me, over my shoulder.
“Oh, look,” he said. “Michelle!”