This Will Only Hurt a Little(32)
She looked at me flatly. “I don’t understand why you have to do this.”
“Well, I don’t have to do anything. But, you know, I want to be an actor and this is experience working as an actor, so—”
“You do understand that you’re not going to be an actress, right? That’s not a viable career. You’d better start thinking about what you actually could do, because college will go by quickly and you’ll need to declare a major.”
I looked at her and wished my mom was there. Barbara Philipps would have put this lady right in her place.
“Okay. Well, I just need you to sign this paper saying I can leave school for two weeks and get paid to DO THIS ACTING JOB.”
“Fine. When you get back you’ll have to sign up for the online computer course, where you can finish Government on the computer. It won’t be easy for you.”
“That’s okay. I can do that. Thank you, Mrs. Weber.”
Of course I could fucking do that. This woman had greatly underestimated me. My conversation with Mrs. Carrick, however, did not go the way I thought it would.
“I’m sorry, dear,” she said. “Of course I know you would make a fantastic Adelaide. That’s not the issue. You just can’t miss two weeks of rehearsal when we only have four, which is barely enough time to put this show up anyway.”
I was devastated. But I didn’t want to miss my chance to go to New York City. I’d never been there! Plus, I was told that the BIG NEW YORK toy fair was even cooler, and the other actors who worked it were all REAL BROADWAY ACTORS, people who were living the dream. My dream! So I decided it was worth it to miss out on the last musical production of my high school career and go to New York.
My mom and I flew into the freezing cold New York winter on a Saturday night. After we checked into the hotel and I got the package with my updated script and call time for the morning, I went downstairs to try to sneak a cigarette outside without my mom knowing. I stood against the stone wall and looked up. All the buildings seemed to be caving in on me and the ground felt like it was swirling beneath my feet. I took a deep breath and put my hand against the wall behind me to steady myself. It was vertigo, just for a moment. I was totally overwhelmed by the enormousness of it all. I put the cigarette out, bummed to be wasting it, and went back upstairs.
I started work super early the next morning, not really prepared for the jet lag. The Barbie girls from Arizona were right: this toy fair was way bigger and more impressive. It was so much fun to be in the dressing room with the actresses from New York, talking about what Broadway workshops they were doing next and who had gotten offered what part. There were a few of the girls who would always sing in the dressing room in the morning as we were getting ready. One of the Barbie girls I knew from the Arizona toy fair, who had been flown in from L.A., turned to me and gestured toward one of the singers. “You see that girl? I heard she turned down the part of Maureen in Rent because of her religious beliefs. Can you believe it???”
I shook my head. No. I certainly could not imagine turning down the role of Maureen in Rent because of religious beliefs!! I’ve tried to figure it out for years and I haven’t been able to confirm this, but I feel like there’s a really good chance the petite singing religious girl was Kristin Chenoweth, two years before the revival of You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown, for which she won her first Tony Award. Though it also could’ve been someone who never worked again after TURNING DOWN A ROLE IN RENT!
My mom would wander around the city during the day while I worked, occasionally getting tickets for matinees in the cheap-ticket line. I was off work every night at six and would meet her back at the hotel for dinner. A few times, I went across the street with the other toy fair actors to have a drink after work. I didn’t really know what to order, since I mostly just drank red wine in Arizona with my friends. My Barbie friend, Lisa, smiled at me and said, “Let me get you a cosmo; you’ll love it!” This was at least a year before Sex and the City made cosmos something I would’ve known about, and I remember my mind was JUST ABOUT BLOWN at how amazing that drink was. In fact, I’m not kidding, can we bring them back? They were so delicious! I was careful not to overdo it, though. Even though I was fairly reckless in Arizona, when I was working, I had my shit under control. It was hard work and I had to wake up early, so it was better to just have one and say good night.
I didn’t know many people in New York, obviously. But one night Emily took the train in from Connecticut, where she was in college at Wesleyan, and we went to the Harley-Davidson Cafe for dinner and took pictures in front of the billboards for Crunch gym because we thought they were funny, I guess. She took the late train back, because she had class in the morning and I had to work. But it was fun to see a friendly face.
Craig’s older brother Jeff was in school at NYU, so my mom and I took him out to dinner one night. Then he met just me for dinner another night after work. The toy fair was closed on Sundays, so I asked Jeff if he could take me out to some clubs or something Saturday night. I was dying to go dancing. My mom had no problem with me going out with Craig’s older brother; why would she? I was going out in Arizona on the weekends until 6 a.m. Even though this was New York, I know she felt comfortable with Jeff and told us to have fun. We went to a bar near NYU that he knew wouldn’t card me and had some drinks (I ordered my new favorite: a COSMO), and then we went to a club that was eighteen-and-older to dance. I got in easily, even without a fake ID (this was the late ’90s, things were easier).